Freitag, 5. September 2008

A single day, Linda's future, my present.

Hey, have you ever had a day that was spent putting out fires? I have. Today. Anyway, I am fully punked, as in not get out of bed punked but today was the day, so pain or not out I get – cleaning house day. I have a person that comes once a week and she helps me after she does dishes and food and makes my bed. Today we did vacuuming, which has not been done in many, many, MANY months in my house. Because we are too busy doing so many things from wills, living wills, applications for accessible housing, applications for hospice programs, power of attorney forms, forms for filing to Blue cross for preapproval of 80% of an oxygen concentrator, pre-approval for 80% of a $17,000 wheelchair, and that is but 1/5 of the paperwork, not to mention the medications, the post left unopened…you get the picture.

So, with my oxygen on, I cleaned the floor (being in a low wheelchair helps that) put stuff up on the couch and then got ready to vacuum….....only, the vacuum was clogged with hair, which had to be cut out for 25 minutes (hey, where did you THINK all the hair I lost went?). THEN we vacuumed; the room where overnight people stay so the floor is nice and clean now so things like ants and spiders are not attracted to loose food; the hallway, the bedroom, the living room, the kitchen all clean. This makes Linda feels like she has control. The laundry was folded up (still not put away, not enough time in the day). Then I passed out.

After I came to and rested a little I made a fast wheel in the heat to get something framed I had wanted framed for a long time, I had been trying to make it to a place five blocks away but two hills away for almost two weeks. Today I made it, I got it framed. Tomorrow I will take a picture, it is of a Anime Cell, it is very cool looking! I made it back. But was hot and I got heat exhaustion. I almost vomited; there AND coming back. The operative word here is ALMOST!

Once home, I drank liquids, and rested. And wrote emails, replied to email, tried to keep up. Sometimes it is hard, but then on weekends, my 'inbox' is empty and no one talks to you and then it is sad and quiet. I thought of Collette who has finished her orientation and now is getting ready for her first 30K tomorrow (I write more about it here). I know you can’t hear me from that far away but “GO Collette GO!”

Today Linda told me some stuff about her job. It looks like there are some road trips for her ahead as she now has seven ministry clients. She is like the Landlord for the government, so if for example, one of her clients was Tourism, that means she is sort of in charge of EVERY tourist office promoting BC, in all the towns across BC including the GIANT one at the Peace Arch. And to do her job well, she needs to go and fly to these places, take a look at the sites and see what the different sites needs (IF, for example that was one of her seven clients). But for example, the Vancouver Olympics is also someone in her offices client. So clients get switched around. Now that she is a full time 85-90% up and running trained manager of government portfolios, it is time for her to hit the ground. Which means me in respite. Because Beth slumped over and found days later by a bad smell in the hall is not good for anyone (particuarly Beth).

Now, in some ways, I am very excited for Linda, and in some ways sad. Because we came out here together from the UK to start our careers; we both had resumes and education and we were going to start CAREERS! And by now I was going to be teaching or on a research project or doing some book tour or the like. And she would flying to inspect sites, before maybe moving on one year or two to do Government Policy Planning. Except, while she is doing that, I am falling further behind, left behind sometimes literally: making beds, doing laundry, folding laundry and vacuuming. It isn’t exactly how we planned it to be.

But I can spend all my time bitter or I can say, “How can I make a difference in Linda’s life, in our life to make it better NOW?” But yes, I am a little sad.

But then, I realize that soon, I won’t have the energy to do that, I won’t have the energy to wheel those blocks and get my anime cell framed; that Linda will have to do it alone, both her and my needs, and wants and all of it. I won't do the laundry, or fold it, or put it away. By then sharing some time together, talking a bit on oxygen is all I will have to offer. She will carry me into my wheelchair, or put me on the toilet and all I will have to offer is a joke. She will wash my hair, she will hold my hand while I cry and all I will have to offer is……………

I don’t know.

There are more books telling Linda how to “move on” than telling me how to “stay here” and how to deal with it. Anyway, I am sorting postcards and getting what I can do done while I can. If you want a postcard, if you know of a niece or nephew or a son or daughter, or a mother or father who would like one, now is the time to email me. I have only so many weeks left and then the postcard project will start getting less and less. Please. I WANT to send the postcards. But I can only live in the now and the near future. If you wait, it WILL BE TOO LATE.

Please, don’t deny two people a bit of joy (the recipient and I) because it seems forward, or pushing or I must have a lot of other things to do. Of course I have a lot of other things, but THIS is what I have as an accomplishment. This is what I say every week (I did X amount of postcards). This is the part of me which isn’t vacuuming or laundry. I am still alive, I am still writing, I am still producing work.

That’s my day. Back to work for me!

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