Make a run for the fun! Yes, it is a Totoro taking off with a sack of acorns: those cute totoro, you can’t help but chase them. More on the fun Totoro’s later!
Thank you to the person who sent me a modern day postcard of Necropolis Station, later known as Mortuary Station, outside of Sidney.This was a train station in marble, carvings, gargoyles, stained glass windows and a bell tower for tolling the dead AND for announcing time to departure mentioned in the blog post “Necropolis: A tale of two Victorian cities”. After the war it was sold from the Sydney Necropolis (still open for business if you wish to be part of the largest Victorian graveyard city in the world) and sent by truck to Canberra where it opened as the All Saints Church in 1958. Here is the 'modern' postcard.It shows, like a bouquet of roses, that Terminus is developing a nice little cemetery of its own in Canberra.
Not only that, Linda found this 1922 postcard from Qantas, Australia’s oldest airline and the world’s second oldest continuous airline. Founded in 1920, the first aircraft was a Avro 504K which carried post, 1 pilot and 2 passengers. According to Wilkepedia, no new planes until 1926, so I went to Qantas directly, because I have an Armstrong Whitworth FK8 from 1922. Qantas took 871 passengers in two planes from 1920-1922, in the Avro 504K and a BE2E both war surplus planes which took a bit of maintaining (pieces would fly off mid-flight but 54,000 km were logged without incident by end of 1921). The Armstrong Whitworth is mentioned here at Quantas, where it was used on the NEW mail service from Charleville to Cloncurry. The AW FK8 carried pilot, THREE passengers and post going 70 mph. Except on the inaqural day, after three attempts, it couldn’t take off, and was found the revs were 50 down, just enough not to take off. So the G-Aude (pictured in the postcard above) was pulled out, it had opened the service the previous day, Nov 1, 1922. I think they had it in the shop for maintenance from yesterday’s flight of the same route. But on NOV 2, with the first paying passenger, some plane needed to get off the ground NOW. Let me know in comments or email if you want this postcard as it IS for the postcard project, and if you like it, it is going sent out to you!
Thanks to Aviatrix (who is now in Cambodia, making life better by building houses), I have a greater interest in finding rare airplane postcards. Like Linda’s find when I was ill: the world’s LARGEST operational flying boat, the Mars Martin (still in production), which seems to be based in my home town, Victoria. Originally the ‘big four’ they were bombers before being sold after 87,000 hours of flying and used for firefighting. Now the Hawaii Mars (bottom drop) and the Philippine Mars, side drop, continue in Canada to fight the dozens to hundreds of fires in BC and in other parts of Canada and the US. In her post on the Clipper Ship card I got her, she invited her readers to request postcards from me. And I would expand that to anyone who is interested in airplanes, whether a pilot or a lover or old or rare planes. Just email me (mpshiel@hotmail.com) and let me know the type of planes, trains, auto postcards you would like. I have two of the Mars Martin (and Linda is trying to find a couple more, so please ask email and ask for one! FREE!). The Mars Martin is an amazing plane, using 4 propellers and in coming down for a landing but keeping the speed at 70 knots, the two scoops below will suck up 7,200 US gallons of water (more than 1 ton a second) in 25 seconds. Due to the added weight, it is a practiced art to keep the Mars Martin at 70 knots, and take off with 7,200 US gallons of water and 600 gallons of foam concentrate. The foam concentrate allows for 21 ‘runs’ of precision drops low over trees (this postcard can be yours!) and then water pick-ups, each ‘run’ takes in total 15 minutes for a full drop, and reload, and ready to drop again. Here you can see a Mars Martin reloading the 7,200 US gallons of water (45 accident free years!)
Cool!
I also have a postcard of the Canadian Golden Hawks (the flight group before the snowbirds) and it will be sent to anyone who loves airshows and precision flying. So honestly, please let me know. Help me because I have these cool postcards and I want to get them to the people who are interested in them. So if you are interested, don't think 'Oh, I'm sure someone else will want it', just say, "Hey me, okay?" because you would be doing me a FAVOR. If two people want the same postcard, I will try to find another of it, or like it. Let me worry about that!
I also have some retro and rare car postcards, from the Cadillac to 1913 Electric cars and this Pierce Arrow postcard here,showing that yes, life is better, indeed, life seems to be better with a Pierce Arrow. I will admit the woman in the chair looks like she is saying, “Thanks Irene, that was a GREAT series of orgasms, I am just going to feel the glow.” While Irene, who is a Butch in the Sheets, is offering her tea with THAT smile of intimacy before the Pierce Arrow takes her home. I think that is called having ‘Lesbian Goggles’. All these can be yours!
But for those who like their women Noir, Hard Boiled heroines, there is a bunch of Femme Fatales postcardsI got them in recently and would LOVE to send them good home (or a 'naughty' one!) – just let me know.
Oh, and for those who Love the ocean, and the interaction of water and light, there is a series called Water Light Time. The book is out of print and costs $150, but they made some postcards (also out of print) and so if you love the sea, let me know so I can send them to you.
I like giving gifts. And thank you for those who send postcards and gifts, I think you know the joy that giving can bring. Sure these postcards may be a bit rare but what? I am going to save them for retirement? I asked Linda if she thought even if we got a different diagnosis, I was going to live a LONG time (like 4-5 years). Nope. So please, while I still have some energy, and I have these beautiful things to give away, lets get at it.
I like beautiful things too, that’s what my wishlist is about. It has everything from Ghibli’s Kiki stamps to put on postcards, to the series Lie to Me season 2 (finally out on DVD!).I did some research and found out why I like Lie to Me so much. The two writers (a female pair that write together) who wrote for Joss Whedon, and wrong the last seasons of Angel as well as Dollhouse Season 1 were pulled and put on Lie to Me instead of writing Dollhouse season 2. That’s because when Fox brought them in they told Joss they had got him the writers, but unlike the actors who were under Joss’ production company, Fox had signed the contract with the writers. So they renewed season 2 of Dollhouse but pulled the writers to create Lie to Me. I like these women writer (much like the woman who wrote Life, and the one who wrote Mercy – women writers seem to ‘click’ with me), they are intellectual but also emotionally challenging.
As for Linda, I work to get her stuff. Psssst! Don’t tell Linda but I recently ordered this amazingly adorable music box from Japan for her.It is from the Ghibli Studio’s film Kiki’s Delivery Service about a young witch who must learn away from home and stays with a family bakery while she learns to fly and does her delivery service. Here she is filling in on a slow day, a bit bored with her ‘familiar’, a cat called Jiji, who talks (if you haven’t seen the movie, please do! It has a Zepplin in it!).So please don’t tell her, I want it to be a surprise. Cool though.
I spent yesterday, when I wasn’t at the doctors working on people’s presents. Linda said last year I sent out loads of presents but didn’t get much connection in terms of Winter or Solstice gifts. And with us having two NEW medications to pay for (more on that tomorrow), she wants me to keep it simple. So I am trying to give out really cool postcards as gifts to START with. But I won’t know who to send what postcard to unless you tell me, okay?
On the wishlist, I also put books of animals up close (I got her Polar Obsessions book for helping with Ebay, she loved it – the guy has the only close pictures of Narwhales, plus he was taken under the wing of a mother sealion, who kept trying to feed him dead penquins), and romances. She has a new book on caregiving as I am getting weaker. I put up some Hello Kitty special wooden chopsticks, the new Pop Picture book (I like people to read to me when I go neuroblind or look at pictures when I lose language). But also a manga on BURMA (yes, Burma manga!) called Burma Chronicles. The manga, high rated and awards, is a story over time of the people of Burma observed from a husband who draws while his wife works there with Doctors without Bordersit is about $10-13. What amazes me, is while I have a hard time leaving the apartment I can still learn about the world! So I think if you want a glimpse into Burmese culture and life as it changes under the regime, as I do, this is one manga to get! Plus there is a manga about the Canadian North by a famous Japanese artist (what do they think of moose?), and The Next Continent, a story of Japan moving forward to making a moon base (I SO would love this, wouldn't you?): Japanese Science Fiction – I love it. Also on the wish list is a non-fiction book of stories by a psychologist, much like Oliver Sacks, a book I hope will help me understand some of my childhood, called: the boy who was raised as a dog – about childhood trauma. I was trained as a dog, which drew me to this, leg taps to heel, whistles to come, to walk 3 paces ahead, to be silent and on point. You may think it odd, but it is my memory and life. Recognizing yourself as property, as a thing to be used and what can come from that, in term of how you are treated and view yourself is hard. It isn't low self esteem, it is the knowledge that rebelling would probably result in being put down (Is this true? Probably not, but if a person is treated like a dog, and the dog is too much of a burden and put down, what does the child think they have to do to survive?). I want to read these stories and see.
A lighter note - Thank you, thank you to the person who sent the Skelanimal blanket. I can now wash my other one! And I LOVE it. I used it to keep me from getting frostbite yesterday as I took Indy to the Doctors and back. With the rigid suspension, Indy does far better than I on these horrid curb cuts (think of a stack of egg crates going to the doctor and comes back….mush). Wham, Bam, I am a pinball getting slammed back and forth and someone up there is happy I am racking up ‘bumper points’. And BOO to Linda to pointed to my leg and suddenly with intensity asked, "Is that a SNAKE?!" (God, to be unable to move limbs and have her do that!) It turns out she wanted to know if that was a skelanimal snake or not. I begged her, "Don't DOOOOOO that!"
Finally, something SOOOO cute and cool I had to show you for YOUR gift list. First is a set of Totoro puzzles. There are four, come in a special holder and they go from 15 pieces up to 80,so as your child improves and grows, so does the complexity. It is pretty reasonable ($39.95) on Amazon, imported from Japan. Adult puzzles from Totoro, Kiki and Laputa are about $12-18. But the best was kept until last: a CAT BUS. And not just a cat bus, but a cat bus with Totoro passengers! How 'too cool for school' is that?There is a large grey, a ghost white and a tiny white that is sewn into the door. You (or a child) can put the totoro’s or anything into the cat bus to give them a ride. The two smaller ones are connected by string, so they can’t get lost. This is the medium size, and there is a small size – but only one of each, so if you know a child who loves Totoro (and the only children who don’t need to see the film, My Neighbor Totoro!), here is the ultimate toy.
Tomorrow, I will talk about the dull stuff like pills and stuff, but today is for gifts, and stories. I hope you saw something you like (if so, let me know) or saw something you might like to get someone. Giving is fun, honest.
And remember, don’t tell Linda about the music box!
I decided in confidence today to tell Cheryl, exactly WHAT fantasy with the Feeldoe I was having during my “almost” masturbation I blogged. She told me she already knew. This was a jolt but not an uncommon feeling fir a person who gets a brain wipe seizure often, so I asked if I told her yesterday. No, she said, I posted it publicly under the comments section.
What? But surely not the position and everything? Oh yeah! Yeah, note to self, do not do all your replies while high on pain meds!
Cheryl has been good to have around and I do feel that she keeps me in check as I can hardly be taking her to task for doing too much that will hurt her back as I do stupid things myself. Well that’s the theory except I apparently had a hard fall (like “Timber!!!!”), and a TIA, and some seizures followed by the BIG Grand Mal. But we still watched Anime (Luckly Star!), and some British TV (QI with Stephen Fry) and did postcards. And she said that she now “gets” disability time better. And I think she is understanding my limits better and maybe she can help me with ways to focus on my goals more and be less danger to myself (the general public will have to look out for themselves).
Anyway, the Great Lesbian Sleepover has come to an end, and yes, it looked much like this. Why are we so flushed and strategically clothes awry? Because lesbians sleepover have...um....pillow fights and Fun Factory? Actually there were pillows involved in many ways, and machines that made steam punk noises and hummed.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with a new Neurologist, who after the LAST two specialists did….nothing, is our GP’s last hope that this one will do something to treat me as he can’t/won’t. My GP does seem to have a self destructive streak as he informed the neurologist (who is a specialist on seizures), that according to his knowledge (which is limited to only accepting two seizures: Grand mal and petit mal and seems accurate for 1920’s style seizure treatment), I am having pseudo seizures. This is my view of the specialist visit. Really, when do Canadian specialist want to listen to you? Or even your symptoms? The last two didn’t.
I, Cheryl, the neurologist at the hospital, another hospital doctor and I can’t remember who else thinks I have Tonic-clonic, Partials and absance and complex temporal lobe and some front lobe seizures. All I know is that if I can wake up with: my wrist sprained so it has to be wrapped, my shoulder dislocated, muscles ripped from my SPINE, and my ribs, my leg ripped in quads and calf, and half of my neck swollen from ripped muscles: Hey, I may like a good show as much as the next person, but I think I would remember that. I remember when I pulled ONE muscle in fencing in my back. I can’t imagine putting myself in state of waking over and over with screams, and two more seizures, in the night, being unable to get out of bed and in so much pain I have to take pain pills just to transfer to my wheelchair for ATTENTION? For “deep psychological issues.” Besides the Grand Mal, I hope they do not take me off Lyrica which has decreased my seizures, it hasn’t decreased my stupidity in pushing my limits.
The count of postcards for US and Canadian posting today in a 36 hour period was: 72, from stage 1 of matching people to stamping, stickering, writing, all of it! 72, a new record, only due to the help from Linda and Cheryl and a sort of Quilting Bee Type marathon. So that’s at least 25% of the list done! Linda asked after Cheryl headed back to the US in a trembling voice, “We get next week off right?”
Oh, well, maybe the week after, I mean, got to break 100 in two weeks right?
Okay, Serious part. I am now realizing that I am losing my identity not just because I have been disabled long enough to see myself that way. But also, because of the memory problems, I can’t remember much of what happened even recently. But also, my capacity to DO what I used to do, to have the knowledge of tens of thousands of books on the tip of my tongue is diminishing. But a bit like a volcano, even when they aren’t erupting, they are still darn impressive (meaning, I am not about to sign up for “sing along time”).
The couple who came to see me were there to see Linda as one works with her. They were a fine couple, and we COULD have got on great, except they talked to me like I was 13 or 14. That while I might be doing something, or have some interests, they weren’t “adult” interests. I tried to speak to the person who just got their degree as one graduate student to another, he replied back as a person who has “been to university” to a person who has not – except he only just got his BA. So, no, he was not seeing me as the person who very likely, if things were different would have TAUGHT HIS CLASS.
She, besides flinching every time I said “lesbian” talked to me as if I did not understand basic history or geography, or that what I did was a “nice hobby.” And I guess in a way it is. I have to wonder though, is that how people talked to Mother Teresa, “Oh, that’s nice, so you do something to keep yourself busy during the day, that’s good….!” Smary smile, “Keeping busy is important!” I don’t think so. But maybe they did. People place to much expectation on what they see (like Kiki here) or on what they heard (disabled person with stroke and brain problems). Listen to me, where I am! No, I don’t hold the fate of children in my hands, but I do the Postcard Project for the same reasons. They asked Mother Teresa why she WASTED her time and energy on babies that were going to die anyway, and she said it was because they would leave this world knowing they were loved.
In an accidental encounter tonight, I met with the running council member and the president of my local community and we talked about disability issues and he wants me to give him a point sheet of the most important issues and he is going to get them addressed. He WANTS to have green and accessible housing. Linda goes, “Oh no, Elizabeth has entered politics!” Well, no, I just pointed out that having a population of over 20% seniors and then grocery stores without a single blue badge parking spot seems a bit…um…cruel. So I am about to be a warrior once more, it seems. I have been toying with the idea of going back to boxing, but until then, I guess I will delve into community politics (stop cheering Lene). I mean, he seriously said, “I don’t know the transit issues” (like buses denying or treating poorly the disabled) and continued, “I really NEED you to tell me.” Well…okay.
By the way, the sheets like this one, I have been displaying are called Bisen, they are sort of artist groups that aren’t yet professional or before they become professional anime artists who make select stationary. It isn’t that expensive, a few dollars a sheet, but very hard to find, I happened to find a woman who collected a lot and she introduced me. So I am introducing you. The Canadian Printer I took them too admitted they couldn’t match the color of the stationary master sheet, much less of the reproduction. They said that Japan is VERY good in paper and printing. Cheryl said that the paper mill in Port Angeles….is owned by the Japanese and makes paper for Japan.
In finishing, on things that make me happy, I found and had shipped this fan from Japan showing a scene from the Ghibli Film Totoro (by the way the UK copies with the very accurate and un-americanized subtitles, are currently on sale at www.amazon.co.uk for 7.95 in UK, 6.67 for export shipping, and they promise delivery or refund). This is from when the movie was originally released and the person who sold it didn’t have any more, so I have yet another item, much like my 17th or 19th century first editions, that I love, but yet can’t do much more than look at. Am I the only other one who collects things like this, where you collect it, you love it, but you can’t touch it because it might break or lose value (In Lucky Star the girl advises getting three copies of all collector items: 1 to store in a special case and put away, 1 to take out and look at occasionally and 1 as a back up in case anything happens to the one that is looked at occasionally. Both Cheryl and I were nodding our head, Linda was looking at us like we had TWO heads and were aliens).
I hope you had a better weekend than I did, and there is a fair chance that if you are a reader, a postcard might be coming to you. At least this or next week.
I finish with this picture because the end of the weekend is both the end of the day, the end of one work period but also the beginning of the war between disability time and AB time. It is when all the AB agencies and people steal my time by trying to get me to do things on their schedule, which isn’t possible, so time is wasted on both sides and then they book ANOTHER meeting. Sigh. It takes me 20+ minutes to get my wheelchair ready to go out the door. How long does it take you to walk out the door? That is the difference between disability and AB time.
Thank you for the support during my down days. And for staying for Real Life, which I wish wasn’t my life. As my strange and alienating brother once said to me after he moved into “Millionaire Row” in Atlanta: I explained that all people have problems and struggle in their own ways, and he said, “No, actually, when you have enough money, all those problems go away.” Errrr….yeah. Thanks. So while I wish I had a little better Real Life, I am glad I have the support and friends I have. And I try to be support for those who I can.
This is a post about my brain and the destruction that is happening to it. A destruction that seems permanent and no matter how horrific or terrifying I find that statement to be it doesn’t make it go away. I am putting in pictures from the double width page Oga Exhibition Catalogue, 268 pages shipped from Japan of an Exhibit, now finished of his complete work, and a Catalogue in Full and breathtaking colour. The first picture is a three double width page large display, a foldout starting his work (and a few pictures of other pretty things).
How do I begin? Because for me there is no beginning, there is no day, or week, or month, there is now and soon, and tomorrow sometimes, and sometimes literally just “now.” And when I am in a better state, I am able to articulate or try to explain to Linda how she needs to talk to me, which is to use simple sentences that do not refer to time or things outside of my memory. I need this because otherwise I will become worried to the point where fear overcomes me and I may be curled up because I do not know what “We have some bills hanging over our head but that should be okay by December” means. I know “Bills” and I know it is my fault and I know “hanging over head” and that is all I know. I don’t know what to do, I know that Bills must be dealt with and if they are “hanging over head” then they are serious indeed. I am frantic and by the time Linda sees me seven hours later I am trying to wheel down to a book store with books to sell or I have already done something. I have sold something and have $12 and I give it to her crying and ask, “Is this enough? Will this stop the Bills?” I do not sleep. So she needs to say, “Everything is okay.” Or “I am glad you bought that gift for XXXXX but we need to not buy much for a little time, okay?” and sound calm. And then say that again tomorrow or the day after because I cannot remember beyond five days, or what used to be five days, only now sometimes it is three days or less. “We are going to not buy anything more for a few days but everything is okay.” She says a few days later.
Do I know that being talked to like this makes me sound like a child? Of course, and people who are intimate with me say things like “while you might be not as smart as you used to be you are still one of the smartest people I know.” Which hurts. A lot. Because I spent my life obeying what I believed what my calling, my vocation, my onus by God, to use the gift given to me, of a unique mind that could remember almost anything. As Linda says, “There wasn’t a word or phrase however obscure I could say that you couldn’t talk for an hour on the history of or how it came to be or was used in history.” Which isn’t as boring as you might imagine as I delighted in the obscure like the rich who used to advertise for hermits to go with their “follies” (fake castle ruins, that they built; which wouldn’t be complete without a mad or poetic hermit to go with them).
And I am not a person who sits in my 60’s or 70’s or 80’s and realizes that a bit of blurring on the edges is inevitable. I am a person in my 30’s who has had a partial stroke in the right temporal lobe (it is believed, and all evidence supports), and now has seizures there, big seizures which PERMANANTLY destroy even more of what is already damaged. If not for Linda, Cheryl, my workers, the computer, my wall charts and other systems, the damage would be affecting my writing and my life more than it does. How do I know I want a punk backpack and now one with wings from Japan? Because I think about it EVERY DAY (it is literally re-imprinted daily). Things that are important I have routines. I also have sheets Linda has written and posted in places telling me what my routines are. What do I do to get to go to bed? It is written on a list, is #2 done, okay now on to #3…
See, I can’t even tell if I have already written this in a post for everyone to understand. But I have good days and bad, and I think this is a good day.
This lack of remembering is in a way why I am putting up pictures of beautiful things, because the things I remember best are those I am most emotionally connected to (I might remember the pictures and thus remember this blog). But yes, I forget Linda, and on a regular, almost a bi-weekly basis. This is painful for her, I know, and for me, because I pretend later, that I cannot imagine what it might be like for your partner of 15 years not to know you. What should I say, “Sorry about that TIA/mini stroke I had that night where I forgot you for two days.” It is only recently that I am now back to the present, or so they tell me, since I believed it was 2003 after another seizure. But with only 1,000 words or so, you don’t see what I have been hiding since…….haha, see, I don’t know. We argue, Linda and I: I say I have know someone for “years” and she says, “Since June”. To me that means almost the same thing except that it wasn’t as recent as June because June was very, very recent, and only now and then can Linda and Cheryl convince me that it is NOT June. I am not sure why I think it is always June or 2003 but I do.
Today and yesterday I asked five people “What IS Thursday?” and only Linda was able to answer me. She showed me on the graphs she puts besides my computer where she was and where I go and who comes and goes. I point to her sheet and point to 10:00 am and said, “I called, you not there, not Thursday. What is Thursday?” She said that she was different but Thursday was here. This is a concept I cannot understand. There are a lot of concepts I can’t understand. In fact, I can only write this because I haven’t HAD a seizure in three days, because time before and after a seizure is forgotten, and the mind retreats and I retreat. In my recent seizure which turned into a TIA (which is a micro stroke), which I can remember afterward, I woke up in an apartment I did not recognize. Linda was there but not Linda, a different Linda. And I came into the middle room with the computer and the computer my hands knew how to turn on, though I did not know how they knew that. It asked if I wanted to play a disc, and I did, and a show started playing.
The phone rang and there was someone on there I did not recognize so I dropped it. Linda was not here. There was a lot of mess. The counter was covered with things, and there were wheelchairs all over. I was very tired. Linda showed up. She said she was at lunch. I asked her why I wasn’t teaching. She said that I was sick. I said does that mean I wasn’t going to get any substitute teaching jobs until I was over the Mononucleosis (a disease which makes you tired for a month or so, easily caught at uni). She tried to explain that I was sick longer than that. I gave up listening and she could see that because my head was hurting. She told me I needed to use the wheelchairs. I said, “Isn’t this a bit much for mono?”
She laughed in an odd/funny way and then got me lunch and I fumbled with my hands, I must have been more tired than I thought. As she left she asked me what year it was and I told her (2003), and she shook her head and said she would see me in several hours. I watched the disc until it was done and then I went on the internet which was much faster than I remembered. But then, sometimes when someone would ask a question, like on the blog, I would know the answer but afterward my head hurt and I couldn’t remember how I knew that. I couldn’t remember what I had just written (which is on my left side of my brain) and when I read it back it sounded like someone far more sure than I would say.
Sometimes there are days that I cannot go outside or someone has to be with me to stop me from trying to go “home” wherever that is that particularly time (in this picture you can see Kiki if you look closely, from Kiki’s Delivery Service, running up the path home – Do you remember Lene, I still do?).
I also have emotional liability, which means I have extreme emotional responses, sometimes from nothing at all. I am not sure if I have talked about this. But for example, I have cried through almost two complete toilet rolls for no perceivable reason. This isn’t depression because that I can remember. And sometimes I am very content for no reason, but that is less often, because there are always so many people who want answers that I don’t know the answers to.
I spend my time getting postcards ready for people I cannot remember. I have to look up each persons' name on the computer and cards and read all the text and get a sense and pick the card for them and then do the next person, all 30+ cards. And when I do the wood blocks and the rubber stamping, I have to do it all over again. And when it is done and I put on the stickers and write the note, I send it out. One of the reasons I take pictures is that I have no idea how many postcards I have sent out. Cheryl I think estimates it is about 400-550. I don’t know. I don’t know how many “surprise” presents I have sent out or to who, I think it is 50-70. Maybe more. Now that I have no money I just use what is lying around. Which is the other reasons of these pictures is because I will keep things and then I will send them off but because I don’t know that I will remember a week or a month later and want to see it but I gave it away. So like a butterfly, I must appreciate what is around me, which is why I try to surround my desk with things that will appeal to me and stop me from looking elsewhere. I sometimes buy things like this A4 holder about the Anime show Air TV, which I can relate to far more than I would ever want to (“Gao!”). This I traded for, so it cost me nothing at all, actually I got some postcards in the deal which I sent out.
I think what I was saying is by the time I get the thank you from people for the postcards, I have NO IDEA what you are talking about. Please don’t stop from emailing me, because it is the way I know I am making a difference. I try to fake it in a reply but if they are happy then I am happy because the part of me that had a brain that day did good, even if the me of today can’t remember. I have a list, or lists for the weeks of the post and gifts that are sent and this week and maybe last week, I can’t remember, but there are ticks by some names so I have been trying to send out thank you emails to people. I am sorry if it is weeks late or only a week later, I don’t know. Sometimes the lists Linda or Cheryl make don’t have dates. One week Cheryl brought boxes and then we were busy all weekend and I simply didn’t open them until she returned because I could not trust myself to open things by myself, not to get them mixed up. I need someone there, someone with a REAL brain, to remember what came from which package.
I appreciate every piece of post and every gift, and I try to write back how they are emotionally remembered by me. And I hope that if you sent a gift you got or will get a email about that. But you can see why for me, I cannot carry the obligation of financial issues. I simply am not mentally capable anymore. I can work at making people happy, people who I may often forget until I repeat their name every day or every few days. Or people who make a strong impression. Or I will have a seizure after I open the gift and then forget and receive the gift all over again. Which makes it sound very romantic, like Totoro here from the movie of the same name, making the sound of the wind, creatures of the wild, of myth, always existing in the now.
Except in THIS WORLD I have to be watched all the time. I have a lifeline phone with reminders and the phone will NOT stop telling me there is a reminder until I push the big button and then Linda’s voice comes out and tells me exactly what to do. And I do it. Because the person who is MOST likely to overdose me is ME. I can’t remember 10 minutes later if I took a pill.
Is it great that the people and places I go know that I am brain damaged, that I “Used to be someone”? No. It is not fun to have a 20 year old snidely remind you that you took out that DVD last week, and “You ranted about how bad it was for 10 minutes.” And I have to smile and say thank you and find something else. Because I will remember the story: stories I remember.
I guess this is the end of part 1 of trying to explain what it is like to be brain damaged, and I REALLY hope I have not done this part already. Next time I will try to explain the idea of language schema and how exactly my language center is damaged and how sometimes I can fool people and how and why it becomes obvious. The fastest way is just start asking me questions, and I think I am speaking normally only I am speaking slowly with mixed word or “word salad”: words that start with the same letter but mean something else altogether, or I just get stuck and start stuttering, or I look around in confusion. And people turn and start talking to Linda because what is the point of talking to me, even if I CAN understand them. Except sometimes I can’t and I say, “I don’t know what you mean.” And sometimes they say it over and over and I keep saying “I don’t know what you mean.” And they get angry, this happens with Time a lot. My care worker stopped getting angry at me and now says, “Today is Thursday and soon you see Cheryl and then I come back.” Which I can understand. I still have a high IQ, reason and deduction, I just can’t understand sequencing, and I don’t know why, but knowing that you can’t understand something doesn’t make you understand it. I wish it would.
Oh, if any of the pictures here end up in a package to you, that means I have emotionally enjoyed them and am giving them on to you. It is okay to get them, and if you don’t enjoy them, please send them to someone who does. Because I am trying to send you the feeling I get, not just an object. It is a form of communication.
Gift giving: maybe because I have never kept Xmas or really had a birthday I like giving gifts and I like getting gifts whenever. Gift giving is fun, and so is getting them: nothing better than seeing something and thinking, “Oh I bet X would love that!”
Anyway, I did give one gift over the weekend, but not as many gifts as I would have liked. I was sort of sat upon by my ill health (sometimes when your heart doesn’t beat right, it is like a giant coming and sitting on you – ug!). So that kept me down, but I will make up for it this week!
But I did give MYSELF a few presents (oh was the task to give to others, oops!). Seriously, most of these I got over a month ago and have just been waiting to arrive. For example a sort of friend and person who picks up things for me in Japan offered (as he was sending me two books I bought; a Ghibli card collection – I said yes!) As you can see, the artwork is stunning and now I am wishing I got twice as much, but that’s the old problem of the pocket versus the eye (my eye is GOOD at finding things to get, my pocket not so brilliant in finding the money to get them.).
As it happened several people this weekend gave me gifts including a woman who had the stall next to the yarn knitter (last blog post) who was lusting after the Ashford (why is it EVERYONE including Neil knows this and I can’t remember it?). this woman sold goods out of recycled products, in fact everything she sells is recycled, but you would never know it. Anyway, after we chatted for a while she said she wanted to give me a card, because she said it embodied me. So here it is, and I guess in a way it is how I operate (I just tend to use more swear words!). Linda had some nicer way of saying it (like, "this is so you!"), I just said thanks and wheeled off in a daze.
I was kind of in shock (actually I medically WAS in shock but for now I mean emotionally) that someone at a farmers faire would just GIVE me stuff. I figured it meant either I exude some special essence, or I look REALLY bad, or maybe they had a similar mission we did, to give something that weekend. Which might be true because I was then given another gift, one which is just as much about who I am, the embodiment of me. It is this necklace which the person actually had commissioned for me (how humbling and cool is that). So yes, that’s right, I now have a pendant of Hello Kitty in her Goth boots, with a bloody knife in one hand and a severed heart in the other. SWEET! How incredibly kind and cuddly is that? And she even looks like me!
Plus by post I received from a land I will not name, these stickers, which when I received them, immediately made me lust for more, because I want to put them on people’s postcards. But I only have these six. ARG! Oh well, how do I decide though who gets the “Kangaroos Next 25 km” warning?
Actually a few people sent in gifts this weekend to help with the Postcard Project, which is becoming sort of a collective project as the postcards and the stickers are coming from literally all over the globe. Admittedly I end up doing some of the hand work, but I think this is great, how so many postcards sent out now have 3-6 people’s assistance in the creation of them (one person sends a card, another a sticker, another gives a stamp, I assemble and write the message - that's four right there!). So here is one person whose gift arrived this weekend, they sent me some postcards to send, along with a rubber stamp. I, being me, immediately put one of the postcards and that stamp to work (hey, we have people who LIKE spiders on the list!). As well as this person/s who send some cards to add to the collection. I have to say I have a few candidates in mind for that woman in blue, as well as the seagulls.
So, if you get one of these postcards, I hope you won’t feel it is less of a surprise but more of the joy in receiving a group effort, that your card has ALREADY traveled and been cared about by people before I started on it, just in order to get to you! Thanks to those who sent in cards. As for me, I sent out 32 today (a weeks work) but still, that’s 64 in two weeks so yeah, I do spend hours finding, ordering and buying postcards every week.
In another gift to myself, a person we contacted in Japan went to a limited Exhibit of Oga’s art work, another artist who does some work for Ghibli Studios. I have seen his work in the Museum in oil paintings. To give you an idea, here are four of the postcards, just “simple” reproductions of his art. I only have one set, and since the Exhibit is going off, I can’t get any more, so I am afraid this IS a gift for me (sigh!), and you will only be able to appreciate them on here (or when you visit me in person).
I was also given ANOTHER necklace this weekend. An Opal necklace, which the person said that opal as a necklace is supposedly bad luck……but what else could happen to me? I really wished they hadn’t phrased it THAT way. I prefer to think of it as since my disease makes everything topsy-turvy, that bad luck opal will be good luck for my heath – and that’s is why I am going to wear it (when not wearing the heart cutting out Hello Kitty!).
Also, a gift I had been waiting on for a LONG time – I don’t know how long, so let’s say 6 weeks, a long, long time (two months?), finally came. And that is my Gothic Lolita Hello Kitty Mug designed by h.naoto (he is Japanese fashion designer – if you are somehow overflowing with cash he has tops for $200 or so, but I want a red spider backpack he makes which would be perfect for a wheelchair and is only (just say it fast so that word sounds believable) $88 or so – if it helps I have a $10 off gift certificate?). Anyway the mug was considerably less but is the touch of COOL, Hello Kitty is subversive, Hello Kitty is not just pretty and pink (except when covered in blood). She's cool, and though I can’t wear goth loli (would probably die of heat just putting all those layers on), I can enjoy my Gothic Lolic Mug. Ahhhhhhhh……it is true, some of the best things are worth waiting for (like a new kidney?).
I think that is most of the pile of loot that I gave myself and got (notice I didn’t mention what I gave because I am kind of secretive about things like that – to me gift giving is like a form of communication. Unfortunately I think that means either, I really like myself or I really like Japan, or I really like Hello Kitty, or all three). I hope you had as much fun as I did with giving and maybe you will show me the gifts you gifted yourself with or received?
Also, for every postcard and card and gift I have received, thank you for thinking about me. I try to write you to let you know but with the swiss cheese brain I have now, I miss people out. That isn’t intentional. And the same with postcards, sometimes I find I have forgotten someone so I write one right away! It was fun showing you all the stuff, I liked it (I was like “Here, here, look at this! Look at this!”), so I hope you liked looking? I hope you received or gave some good stuff too!
Yes, it is a Totoro taking off with a sack of acorns: those cute totoro, you can’t help but chase them. More on the fun Totoro’s later!
This was a train station in marble, carvings, gargoyles, stained glass windows and a bell tower for tolling the dead AND for announcing time to departure mentioned in the blog post “Necropolis: A tale of two Victorian cities”. After the war it was sold from the Sydney Necropolis (still open for business if you wish to be part of the largest Victorian graveyard city in the world) and sent by truck to Canberra where it opened as the All Saints Church in 1958. Here is the 'modern' postcard.
It shows, like a bouquet of roses, that Terminus is developing a nice little cemetery of its own in Canberra.
Qantas took 871 passengers in two planes from 1920-1922, in the Avro 504K and a BE2E both war surplus planes which took a bit of maintaining (pieces would fly off mid-flight but 54,000 km were logged without incident by end of 1921). The Armstrong Whitworth is mentioned here at Quantas, where it was used on the NEW mail service from Charleville to Cloncurry. The AW FK8 carried pilot, THREE passengers and post going 70 mph. Except on the inaqural day, after three attempts, it couldn’t take off, and was found the revs were 50 down, just enough not to take off. So the G-Aude (pictured in the postcard above) was pulled out, it had opened the service the previous day, Nov 1, 1922. I think they had it in the shop for maintenance from yesterday’s flight of the same route. But on NOV 2, with the first paying passenger, some plane needed to get off the ground NOW. Let me know in comments or email if you want this postcard as it IS for the postcard project, and if you like it, it is going sent out to you!
Originally the ‘big four’ they were bombers before being sold after 87,000 hours of flying and used for firefighting. Now the Hawaii Mars (bottom drop) and the Philippine Mars, side drop, continue in Canada to fight the dozens to hundreds of fires in BC and in other parts of Canada and the US. In her post on the Clipper Ship card I got her, she invited her readers to request postcards from me. And I would expand that to anyone who is interested in airplanes, whether a pilot or a lover or old or rare planes. Just email me (mpshiel@hotmail.com) and let me know the type of planes, trains, auto postcards you would like. I have two of the Mars Martin (and Linda is trying to find a couple more, so please ask email and ask for one! FREE!). The Mars Martin is an amazing plane, using 4 propellers and in coming down for a landing but keeping the speed at 70 knots, the two scoops below will suck up 7,200 US gallons of water (more than 1 ton a second) in 25 seconds. Due to the added weight, it is a practiced art to keep the Mars Martin at 70 knots, and take off with 7,200 US gallons of water and 600 gallons of foam concentrate. The foam concentrate allows for 21 ‘runs’ of precision drops low over trees
(this postcard can be yours!) and then water pick-ups, each ‘run’ takes in total 15 minutes for a full drop, and reload, and ready to drop again. Here you can see a Mars Martin reloading the 7,200 US gallons of water (45 accident free years!)
(the flight group before the snowbirds) and it will be sent to anyone who loves airshows and precision flying. So honestly, please let me know. Help me because I have these cool postcards and I want to get them to the people who are interested in them. So if you are interested, don't think 'Oh, I'm sure someone else will want it', just say, "Hey me, okay?" because you would be doing me a FAVOR. If two people want the same postcard, I will try to find another of it, or like it. Let me worry about that!
showing that yes, life is better, indeed, life seems to be better with a Pierce Arrow. I will admit the woman in the chair looks like she is saying, “Thanks Irene, that was a GREAT series of orgasms, I am just going to feel the glow.” While Irene, who is a Butch in the Sheets, is offering her tea with THAT smile of intimacy before the Pierce Arrow takes her home. I think that is called having ‘Lesbian Goggles’. All these can be yours!
I got them in recently and would LOVE to send them good home (or a 'naughty' one!) – just let me know.
(also out of print) and so if you love the sea, let me know so I can send them to you.
I did some research and found out why I like Lie to Me so much. The two writers (a female pair that write together) who wrote for Joss Whedon, and wrong the last seasons of Angel as well as Dollhouse Season 1 were pulled and put on Lie to Me instead of writing Dollhouse season 2. That’s because when Fox brought them in they told Joss they had got him the writers, but unlike the actors who were under Joss’ production company, Fox had signed the contract with the writers. So they renewed season 2 of Dollhouse but pulled the writers to create Lie to Me. I like these women writer (much like the woman who wrote Life, and the one who wrote Mercy – women writers seem to ‘click’ with me), they are intellectual but also emotionally challenging.
It is from the Ghibli Studio’s film Kiki’s Delivery Service about a young witch who must learn away from home and stays with a family bakery while she learns to fly and does her delivery service. Here she is filling in on a slow day, a bit bored with her ‘familiar’, a cat called Jiji, who talks (if you haven’t seen the movie, please do! It has a Zepplin in it!).
So please don’t tell her, I want it to be a surprise. Cool though.
the new Pop Picture book (I like people to read to me when I go neuroblind or look at pictures when I lose language). But also a manga on BURMA (yes, Burma manga!) called Burma Chronicles. The manga, high rated and awards, is a story over time of the people of Burma observed from a husband who draws while his wife works there with Doctors without Borders
it is about $10-13. What amazes me, is while I have a hard time leaving the apartment I can still learn about the world! So I think if you want a glimpse into Burmese culture and life as it changes under the regime, as I do, this is one manga to get! Plus there is a manga about the Canadian North by a famous Japanese artist (what do they think of moose?), and The Next Continent, a story of Japan moving forward to making a moon base (I SO would love this, wouldn't you?): Japanese Science Fiction – I love it. Also on the wish list is a non-fiction book of stories by a psychologist, much like Oliver Sacks, a book I hope will help me understand some of my childhood, called: the boy who was raised as a dog – about childhood trauma. I was trained as a dog, which drew me to this, leg taps to heel, whistles to come, to walk 3 paces ahead, to be silent and on point. You may think it odd, but it is my memory and life. Recognizing yourself as property, as a thing to be used and what can come from that, in term of how you are treated and view yourself is hard. It isn't low self esteem, it is the knowledge that rebelling would probably result in being put down (Is this true? Probably not, but if a person is treated like a dog, and the dog is too much of a burden and put down, what does the child think they have to do to survive?). I want to read these stories and see.
I used it to keep me from getting frostbite yesterday as I took Indy to the Doctors and back. With the rigid suspension, Indy does far better than I on these horrid curb cuts (think of a stack of egg crates going to the doctor and comes back….mush). Wham, Bam, I am a pinball getting slammed back and forth and someone up there is happy I am racking up ‘bumper points’. And BOO to Linda to pointed to my leg and suddenly with intensity asked, "Is that a SNAKE?!" (God, to be unable to move limbs and have her do that!) It turns out she wanted to know if that was a skelanimal snake or not. I begged her, "Don't DOOOOOO that!"
so as your child improves and grows, so does the complexity. It is pretty reasonable ($39.95) on Amazon, imported from Japan. Adult puzzles from Totoro, Kiki and Laputa are about $12-18. But the best was kept until last: a CAT BUS. And not just a cat bus, but a cat bus with Totoro passengers! How 'too cool for school' is that?
There is a large grey, a ghost white and a tiny white that is sewn into the door. You (or a child) can put the totoro’s or anything into the cat bus to give them a ride. The two smaller ones are connected by string, so they can’t get lost. This is the medium size, and there is a small size – but only one of each, so if you know a child who loves Totoro (and the only children who don’t need to see the film, My Neighbor Totoro!), here is the ultimate toy.
