Jellicoe Road, Catcher in the Rye and meta-story

I never understood the attraction to Catcher in the Rye until now. Or rather, I never understood those who related to the book. Holden’s idea is one that sticks though, the person who keeps those younger than themselves from danger.

In reading Jellicoe Roadby Malina Marchetta, a book about a girl named Taylor whose Father died on Jellicoe Road, things became clearer about both the Catcher in the Rye and myself.
Jellicoe Road is a mish-mash, almost a dream state book until a quarter of the way in when it finally becomes clear that Taylor is a girl, and is at a boarding school, and belongs to a ‘House’ where 50 girls stay. And now that summer has come the war of the school versus the townies versus the Cadets (who come to camp in the woods) begins. Taylor has been chosen leader, both of her house and the school. She does not understand it, as her mother left her at a 7/11 one day ten years before. Indeed, she has no adult interaction except for Hannah, who has disappeared. Taylor ran away five years ago to find her mother, teaming up with a Cadet, Jonah, only to have him call the school when she was only a few kilometers from her mother. Jonah is now in charge of the Cadets and the summer war is on, but also in the background are romances, the history of Hannah, the Brigadier (who brought her home before), legends of a dead Cadet, and a long term serial kidnapper and killer who randomly had struck in the towns around where she lives over the past several years.

After wading through all this, the odd and inherited rules of pre-adult state appears: those traditions followed without understanding and the questioning of what these rules are about. Taylor, as head of House learns that she is, want it or not, the ‘adult’ the other girls look to, even the arsonists that the state dumps on them (boarding school with some juvie offenders in it). With a dead father, and pointed out as the girl who a local hermit whispered something to before blowing out his brains, Taylor wants to be just alone, but she starts to understand that her actions can bring calm or agitation and fear. And it is that fear and uncertainty which she has herself known, growing up with a junkie mother.

There is much to recommend Jellicoe Road, from the use of all the senses, when she stays overnight at a friend’s whose mother has her wear an old fashioned nightie with starch and bows. She wears it because it smells like comfort, like a mother should smell. Off to find her mother again she meets Sam, whose mother watched the kids when her mother ‘worked’ (the streets). Why is Sam so mad, and what has this to do with the memory she told her friend Raf long ago, the one that Raf won’t tell her back. Raf says there are some memories that shouldn’t be kept. And Jonah, who is helping her find her mother grows more and more appalled at this woman, as they follow the trail of her self destruction. Taylor sums it up simply by turning to him surprised and saying, “I said I wanted to find her, I didn’t say I loved her.”

So, watching the 7th year girls and younger, the 8 year old to 13 year olds singing and gossiping, she wants to give the security and stability that she never had. She knows where the emotional cliffs are because she has fallen down them, or been thrown down them many times. And so she, like so many empathetic individuals whose lives have ‘fucked up’ written across them in bold letters, stands guard so that others will not know the solitude and ache she has inside. The other girls have family but more than that, they know that someone cares about them, and cares every minute of every day. Taylor learns more than to ‘fake it’ but to be part of that circle of stability in their lives. To simply 'be there' in all time, the one for whom it can be said, "I knew you would come for me."
And while I did not have a summer like Taylor, not since the age of 8 or 9, due to a childhood lost, having more in common with homeless and settlers who scrounge for living, than I did with any classmate, I understood the importance of what I didn’t have. I wanted to be there for others, to be the one who wrapped them in love and caring even when they did not love themselves.
For me, in a state of post exercise from the Y, I am recovering, watching the anime, Heroic Age: The Complete Series. It is a space opera, but based on the 12 labors of Hercules, as well as other aspects of the Greek Gods, demi-god and men. Plus there is ideals of Buddhism, mixed in with Shinto and historical Japanese ideas. It also includes the debates of the 17th/18th century rationalists. But it comes together, thanks to some in depth research on the meta-story, as Jung would describe it, and good writing. Much as the joy at finding Hamlet in Season 1 of Sons of Anarchy, I was happy to watch this intellectually engaging meta-story. The Heroic Age is set in space where Humans, losing a universe wide war which they only were aware of once earth was invaded and locked away from them for now over 120 years.

It was a much appreciate birthday present, as I often, like today, only have the range of my oxygen cord to move. It was to me what I wanted the Postcard and gift projects to be to others, the tangible expression of the idea: “You matter, how you feel matters, I care about you and please, don’t give up.” I think that desire to have someone there to wrap the arms around you and say they will always love you is universal....even convicts love their mother and vice versa.

Some times, some days, I just need to rest and be cared for. The pain is high, the body is weak, and what can be endured has been beyond limits. I live while most at this stage have died; I go out, while the experience of carers and families is that this is a time lived out of my bed. I fight, I hold, but some days, I have to be carried. I am not phsycially stronger than those who die, I just seem to want 'it’ more.

Perhaps that is why I identify with Taylor, who moves with purpose. I have not the energy to chase a dream and let it slip away as Holden does. Whether the dreams are folly or not, I pursue them with singular intent. I am lonely in a way that will likely never be full. But that doesn't stop me from trying. I send emails, postcards, gifts, blog posts and I keep postcards, and polished rocks, mementos and gifts all littered from bed to bathroom to study. For they, like the ripples of the wind upon the water are the proof that I am not alone.

Fevered still: chess, epee and sex on a spoon?

Wow, this fever just won’t quit. But neither will I.

I have been watching anime again, a series called Shion No Ou about Japanese Chess (Shouji) and three female players. The excellent storytelling slowly reveals the motivations, desperation and weaknesses of each player in life using the stategy within the Shouji Matches. Shion aged 14 is the youngest professional female player. She was adopted by the professional Shouji player and wife next door after her mother and father were murdered in front of her at age five. The killer stopped when he saw her over the board, and she was left alive, but mute, blood over her Shouji board. Shouji is and has been the one constant in her life. The killer was never caught.

That is the start. There are many twists and turns, but I won’t tell.

It reminded me of my father playing me chess as a child. And the year I spent, age nine, playing chess every lunch period with the math teacher, the Vice Principal. I liked it, but like math, it simply wasn’t enough for me.

I remember the tension at four or five, when my father was my father irritated with me, because I did not ‘think' and had made a poor move. He never held back and it took some years to win a single game, then years more to win constantly.

I supposed I could be bitter, or frustrated, and I probably was, but I learned that losing is a path to learning. And that to face someone stronger, and be defeated is the road to become stronger myself.

In the end I wanted to face the people, not the game, and I think it was Epee that finally gave me the taste I had been waiting for: to fail, be outmatched, to train, to overcome, to face again, using experience, the broad view, and the narrow view. To know that joy of suddenly losing to a lightning move IN a 15 point bout that left me perplexed: the challenge of trying to analyze, discover, deduce, determine, and try to change your style entirely was a greater engagement than the matches where everything I trained months for came together and I won. Those seconds, mind racing, telling my heart to calm as I walked to the line during a sudden reversal required complete mental and physical commitment. I was coming up with strategies, rejecting them, adapting others, comparing styles seen and determining what to do while the body trembled and sweat ran down me. Yes, these are great memories.

I never really thought I would be able to be strong enough, recover enough again to go to boxing. But I am. And I am bouting again. I may be far weaker than before. But that, like the wheelchair, is just one more slight disadvantage to overcome.

Tomorrow I want to come back and talk about the big craft faire on the weekend, and some of the purchases we got there. Linda, who seems maybe horny herself, got ‘Sex on a Spoon’ jam here and is pretty happy about it. That should worry me, right?

I’ll see you then!

That Gundam In Tokyo Is Only The Beginning of The Giant Robot Craze

Wow have I wasted a lot of time on this:


So, anyone who reads Linko! weekly will know I've been semi-following the story of the massive robot that conquered the man-made Odaiba Island in Tokyo this summer. I say "semi-following" because really I've just been confusingly posting pictures of the thing sent to me by friends completely devoid of explanation or context. I'm not sure what this exactly says about me and loose collection of nerd reporter, but it can't be good that almost no one writing in the American comics blogosphere seemed to have much of a clue what was going on with this giant otaku installation beyond ging, "Wow! That's neat! Wait...they took it down already?"

So last week, I went google fishing to find out how much info was actually out there for an American audience to dig into this thing. Here's what I gots:


Announced sometime around March, the Gundam earned it's three-month stint of kind of lighting up and blowing a bunch of steam at random intervals in celebration of three factors: the 30th Anniversary of "Mobile Suit Gundam" (first anime of the whole Gundam franchise), the environmentally-driven Green Tokyo Project and, tangentially, Tokyo's bid for the 2016 Olympics (and I know I've been making a lot of jokes about that, but I'm seriously wondering how a temporary installation was supposed to impress the IOC. Did they promise to rebuild duder if they got the games?). Early word of the project must not have hit so hard in America as the earliest mention of the whole shebang I found was on the French Gizmodo where I nabbed the above CGI model from, but soon things started popping up in English

There's a great general write up on the project here, though it's really just a translation of a Japanese newspaper article, and the LA Times travel blog posted a basic fact-sheet on the project and how to get there. These are nice and all, however news of the event rarely popped up on nerd-centric sites. The one major (and probably obvious) exception was the Anime News Network who had all the latest news that for some reason never got widely reposted amongst American comics types, including some great coverage of the robot's unveiling complete with videos I couldn't entirely understand:


A while ago, I got into it with some folks on a comment thread at The Beat about whether or not American comics journalists were any good at covering manga and other Japanese pop culture crazes. I said then and still think now that we do a pretty shitty job of noting the spaces where our interests crossover with those of Japanophiles and teenagers who really dig Naruto and what not. ANN is doubtlessly the site covering this stuff better than anyone out there, and I'll take some shit outright for admitting that I barely check their coverage of anything because I don't connect to/don't understand so much of it. If there's a blog that aggregates more of the manga news and the bigger geek cultural stuff that comes out of sites like ANN for folks like me, I'd love to hear about it in the comments.

Anyway, ANN had plenty of other fun bits on what Sunrise did across the summer to draw more attention to the 59-foot fucking robot they erected in a major city, including an auction to have one's photo taken from the 'bot's shoulder and the search for the perfect couple to be wed at the statue's feet.

God, I wish I would have heard more about this as it was going on. By far, the absolute best thing I found online was this photoset and too brief news report on the 30-something couple who won the privilege of finally making their three-children relationship legal at the statue's feet while the groom announced, "I swear my everlasting love to Gundam in front of Gundam." You just can't make this shit up!

I'm sure plenty of folks in America see the fact that the Gundam's already been disassembled as a missed opportunity, but ultimately we may be better off not having it around. See, despite it's status as a promoter of a Green Tokyo, the statue's presence seemed to really fuck up the nature 'round Odaiba Island. Plus, there are plenty of ways to live the magic of real life giant robots to this day as the craze seems to just be starting!


Example 1: Baby Gundams!

For anyone super bummed about missing out on the Gundam specifically because they love Gundam and not just giant robots, the owners of the property have plenty of other impressive bits scattered throughout Japan including the above Gundam chibi which stands outside Bandai's headquarters and several "memorial" statues in Toyko at anime museums and the Sunrise animation studios. If that isn't enough, you'll have to be content looking over photosets of the big guy or watching this crazy time-lapse video on a repeated loop.


Example 2: The Kobe Project!

My personal pic for the next excitement-worthy Japanese robot statue is the Kobe Project – the currently underway project to erect a giant version of Tetsujin 28. I think it opens in October (if this blog's info is still accurate), although I can't tell if it's temporary or permanent. In any event, read more about it with photos here and here.


Example 3: The Robot Taekwon V Amusement Park!

As you can see, this one's still in the development and design stages, but it appears that South Korea isn't going to take their neighbor's giant robot construction sitting down. Plans are underway for a whole amusement park centered around that country's Robot Taekwon V franchise (what do they call animated films in Korea? Is it still anime, or do they have a different name like manwha?). Anyway, you can read what little I've found about this project over here.


Example 4: All Robots Are Bigger In Texas!

For anyone who won't be able to afford a trip to Asia this year to celebrate giant roboticism in immobile statue form, the good ol' U. S. of A. has got you covered with Dallas' The Traveling Man installation. Sure, it's not based on a cartoon or anything, but it looks pretty neat. Plus, I bet if this trend continues, we'll see a big ass Iron Man or Stormtrooper in Hollywood by 2011.

I died, a few times, came back, went pervy, went hormonal.

After I wrote about determined to live yet dying, then yesterday announcing I may not quite be dying this month is asking for trouble (as was pointed out to me). Because, Irony leaving no chance behind, woke me this morning by STOPPING my heart. I was having a great dream, where I was a resistance fighter during the Regency Period and sneaking around and turning cannons so they blasted the government instead of the resistance fighters when suddenly I was underwater, and I couldn’t reach the surface. My chest had that implosion/explosion feeling as my lungs were probably knocking against the ribs a little.

Thankfully, Cheryl, my new sibling with mad EMT skills was listening to me breath (or not) on a baby monitor and was already by my side by the time the black little dots receded. My heart continued to stop (not for quite as long) for the 30 minutes while the heart medicine kicked in, beats for 20-30 seconds, then stops for six seconds or more. Fun, if having yourself inverted through a bendy straw through the power and pain of a black hole vortex is what you call “fun”.

My only complain would be, like this picture, once I am up, aren’t you supposed to be IN FRONT of me when you do those heart compressions Cheryl.

She says she “can feel better from here.” Um, well, she’s the professional!

I did not make it out of the house though I did shower and dry hair and got ready and then ran out of steam and had what is known in male circles as “What the hell is going on with my high maintenance girl-friend?” Which means I am on that day before period in which in bitter twist of fate which never ceases after 15 years to frustrate me, Linda gets chocolate gooey donuts and I get mood swings with very, very deep lows. Seems a wee bit unfair, you know, she buys the Cinnamon roll with EXTRA icing as her run up, other women are masturbating like crazy (cause some women it makes horny) and I am crying for 90 minutes today after I was on a high and bought stuff online. Why cry for 90 minutes? because I am a “Bad Person” and when Cheryl tried to comfort me by rubbing my hand, the “good of Cheryl needed to be excised on from the evil of me” so I literally tried to SKIN most of the back of my hand, and half succeeded (would have if she hadn’t taken the scissors away). Yeah, this is the "high maintenance" aspect.

See, this is where guys head for the door. Cause when the hormones are a flying, you don’t want to be around. So I didn’t get a lot accomplished today plus between heart problems and oxygen problems I think I might have set a new record for the number of seizures in a five hour period (I mean MY new personal best – but since I can’t remember the number, it was six or above, it is hard to mark it on my chart!) So you might say today was a day in the brambles. Which is what happens with chronic illness. You get up thinking that today you are going to do all sorts of things (or in my case, “Thank GOD! I can breath again!”) and somehow the day sort of slips away. Plus I was blind for an hour or so. Which diminishes my efficiency a bit. It also makes using Dragonspeak problematic as I don’t know when to say “Scratch that” to have it erase things.

Also the postman, in some sort of cruelty, dropped off two notices of packages, except there were no packages, he CLAIMED he tried to deliver them (except both of us were here all day!). So boo to him, because I like packages (well the ones with stuff in them, not the ones from the Government you sign for which say, “There we proved you know you owe $400 in ambulance charges so now pay up!”). So I have to wait until tomorrow or beyond to get my packages!

Thank you for all the comments the last few days and I very sorry that I am SO slow in responding, I am trying as fast as I can, which is sort of an intro to the little engine that could I suppose. Anyway, I will huff and puff my way to the end of all the comments as I am able because I am very grateful for every comment. Well almost all except the ones that don’t get published as they say, “We like you dead, too bad that didn’t happen” and fun things like that (or were those just the phone messages left by Beacon, or VIHA probably?)

Also because Cheryl is around all day, we have been distracted into Anime world a few times to get all pervy, I mean look at the anime gal pictures and play, “Which one am I?” See like in this picture. On the one hand, many days, when I feel good, I am the girl in black who while having an unusual dress sense which seems to say “Look at my navel and Panties!” she does have a sword, a cool gothic coat and a kick ass attitude. However, there are other days, like today, when I have to be put to bed, literally, as in, helpless, which gives me an aura of innocence (a tired and electrically fried mind does tend to have less lechery about it) so then I am the girl with the white headband with the feathers. Plus I actually do have what Linda and Cheryl call a naïve side, in that I keep believing the good (so Linda would say that there is a large aspect of the girl with the feathers in me).

Who was Cheryl? She’s the person who designed the top for the girl with the white headband (much support, I don't think so!) and the tailor for the girl in black! No, I suspect she would be the girl in black, out there doing Park Ranger duties and giving hell to those ‘good ole boys’ who dare throw their empty beer bottles into the pristine of nature in a FEDERAL PARK! I can see her boss saying, much like they do to the Mossad female agent David in NCIS, “There is a killing offence Cheryl, and a non-killing offence, and littering isn’t killing here.”

Cheryl: “It is in MY park.”

Anyway, with that thought, I am off to do postcards and try an early night in hopes that I will have my heart beat through the night, the WHOLE night tonight. So I leave you with this view, which is actually where I was this afternoon, except Cheryl kept BRINGING me back, the whole, “You have to breath!” thing. Actually I don’t! She said she didn’t want to explain to Linda I died while she was taking care of me. So this picture is either that – my little bit of heaven, or what Cheryl’s Park will look like (you notice there isn’t any litter!).

Tomorrow I will be deep and profound, right now I am hormonal, in pain, a wee high on pain meds and ‘getting by’ – chronic condition people know that one, I hope, or is it just me?

Reason #8: All that anime, so little time! (Pretty!)

I like many others before turn to literature to find myself both mentally and emotionally engaged, and to see my life and my interests reflected. However, whether in visual or print media, since I am not currently planning to become a murderer, rapist or other criminal (1/2 of TV shows), or a convict in need of escape (Prison Break). I think I would make a GREAT investigator or Abby in some tech lab and have applied to several policing and secret service agencies, including those with REQUIREMENTS to hire those with disabilities (RCMP, SCIS), but so far no luck.

Where can I go where an ordinary girl, who happens to have an interest in swords (Claymore, Utena), or books (Read or Die), or even doing dangerous things (My Hime)? Where is your orientation and relationships reflected in the world where Religious Right groups combine to kill programming (My Hime, Strawberry Panic)? Welcome to the world of anime.

So when I need to be reminded what my life is like from the back of the motorcycle, there is always one of the characters from My Hime (up at the start), who is very, um, compelling (also likes to throw herself off buildings).

Or when I get into what Cheryl calls, “My Old Testament mindset” there are anime for that too. Here is a nice poster from one (I got it in the post – mmmmm, who loves me.....um, me!). Though I tend toward a series called Scryed, whose main character says, “Once you have decided what it right, and committed yourself, not matter the cost, no matter the opposition, there is no other way.” Later, while a group of people are held hostage and he is wounded, perhaps to death, instead of surrendering he prepares to attack. He has committed himself, no matter what the cost. It actually drives the opposing guy into permanent insanity. Hmmm, perhaps THAT is why I like it.

Then there is Linda and I, who while still shunned, judged and discriminated on in the real world. While in anime world, not only are whole schools lesbian (Strawberry Panic) but any good Shojo anime will have at least one lesbian pair or relationship (We just finished watching the romance, Myself, Yourself of 13 episodes which included a surprise lesbian pash confession). Back in Real World, the BC medical system, who it seems hasn’t been told that lesbian marriages exist much less are legal discriminate from subtle to blatant: that’s what has kept Linda out of many an ambulance, and ER. My workers from Juan De Fuca took great delight in telling me that Linda was listed AGAIN as my “sister” when Beacon took over. I guess, “smoking hot lesbian lover of 15 years” doesn’t have a box to check on their forms yet? So is me having posters like this of the two of US with cat ears by the fireplace considered a “sexually harassing workplace” for my workers (I am the one with black cat ears, Linda gets white ones for her innocence!), or are Linda and I being discriminated against by the workers offended by these posters and others. I guess I will just keep putting up more and more until I find out! (works for ME!)

And while there isn’t literature to cover what I am going through, there is anime, one called AIR TV, where in a place I call, “Screwed up girl town”, we have 1) a self harming girl who goes into a disassociative state and cuts, and thus has to wear a ribbon on her wrist to stop her – blue haired (Check!). 2) A girl who has had a sibling die and can’t give her up. And 3) A girl who goes around doing and saying odd things (she says “Gao!” a lot, and her hobby is drinking the odd drinks in drink machines like “peach/banana” (Odd obsessive hobbies - check!). Only she is being affected with a memory disorder (check!), and a peripheral neuropathy which soon makes her legs useless (double check!) and leaves her in agonizing pain (triple check!). And she’s dying. Golly, what is it about this anime that could possibly speak to me? Oh, and she dreams of flying. This is a taste of the anime (for those who haven’t seen this AMV before) set to the tune, “you are loved.”

As for me, it is this video about a girl, who run the long distances, competes, and falls in love, once with a girl she trains with who is injured and then as she advances to the next round with Chris, a tall butch (with green hair?). It is about the nature of self competition, the nature of love and sports, the nature of sports and trying, whether you win or not. It is motivation, it is endurance, it is about tasting defeat and going on, and that defeat makes you stronger not weaker, it lets you continue with confidence because you have faced the worst and survived. In many ways, chronic illness and disability is like marathon running. Endurance running: That's what I did for over 15 years (because it is was the most physically and emotional painful sport I could find..until Sabre, then Epee). This is from the Series Battle Athletes and is titled Nothing Can Stop Us. Pinky promise!

Reason #7: The Tangible Friendships I have built…with you. Plus my surprise!

Okay, back to the 15 reasons I have for living (if you don't know what I am talking about and just joining, read the previous post - I am going to live, EFM has spoken!).

#7) The physical and tangible relationships I have built up with people around the world.

Having a blog and sending out postcards has had people take a chance, take effort and reach out to me, sometimes sending a postcard back, sending a card, sending a package, a gift, a drawing. There starts and builds a relationship becuase I have parts of them and they have parts of me, things we each made for each other. And I love getting mail as much as the next person. Why would I want to die, when I have to keep waiting for tomorrow, to find out what the post delivery person might bring?

Much, much more on that but first a little aside about me and my health, I thought I would take a picture to show you the “dark patches” I was talking about. Linda took the pictures and said, “Wow, this is great, these ones look TERRIBLE.” I decided not to use those, I mean, I know in real life I look emaciated and such but come-on, I do have some pride. Today I was going to wear a cream colored top when Linda gave me a dark one instead saying, “You look pasty and ill in the other one.” So, uh, goth isn’t just a fashion statement, it is what makes me look the most healthy? How is that for irony? So here is the BEST pic.

As you see, I have lost the hair in the back and top of my head and am using what is left in front to cover. Because I am leaning forward with my shoulders hunched forward you can’t really see the breastbone and the shoulder bones standing up in fine definition. But you can see how even straight on, there is a clear shadow under my cheekbone, from where the flesh has sunk in below it. Yup, just call me SKULL GIRL! (No seriously, please don’t!).

Now, because of my seizures (I worked too hard today as it was Chores Day, and had a big old Grand Mal earlier so I am a bit punked and will be more punk later), as well as that stroke I have what is called my BRAIN BOX. That is a box of all the post/mail I have received in the order I received it so that I have an idea when sending a postcard who has written and what they said, even if I have forgotten it a few times. Of course to MAKE this blog post, I had to scatter bits of MY BRAIN, I mean my brain box all over the table so now the chronological order is all mixed up. Still here are some of the postcards that I have received. The one thing that the postcard project does is that I get post from all over the world (Mexican Hello Kitty?). So the cards are from everywhere (see the Pippi one!). Which is kinda fun, because while I SEND cards all over the world, I actually only live in one town, so getting post from other continents and places is fun.

I want to make clear that this is a SELECTION of what I have received, I didn’t have the time or space to put up all the cards I have gotten. Also, the cards and other items are all anonymous. That means, if you didn’t send me a postcard, this is not a guilt trip, this is just an insight into some of the things which keep me going during the dark times, of which we have to admit there have been many over the last year. Here is another selection of cards (if you look carefully you can see someone noticed my closely guarded secret that I am a lesbian).

What it also means is that if I haven’t thanked you for your card or gift, I am sorry, so let me say, thank you, all the gifts and cards have made an individual, and a daily difference! The fact that I regularly get a mind wipe doesn’t change that! But the anonymous part means I am not going to name individuals behind the gifts, so I hope you understand. You are invited however to pester me by email after seeing you gift in a picture going, “You DID get it and I never heard from you!” and get a groveling email back about how I am truly a grateful person with exceedingly poor social skills like saying “thank you” right away. A few gifts are anonymous, so I would LIKE to know who they are from (gargoyle?) Here is another set of postcards I have received, including one sent from a place I lived for a time, North Battleford (shudder!), even spending minutes there you can feel the poison in the permafrost burning into you....uh, I mean "Thanks, great postcard!).
Also, there have been a few people who have taken it upon themselves to have a postcard project of their own, and I AM the project. They send postcards with a regular intensity that I can’t match. Though I have determined to try and get a few postcards back to them in this war! (When someone sends you a postcard, that’s nice; when someone sends you a postcard a day covered with puns like: “Do bakers with a sense of humor bake wry bread?”, “Hickory Dickory Dock, The elephant ran up the clock, The clock is being repaired.” And “Did you know that people tend to tell worse puns as they get older? That’s why they’re groan-ups!” – that’s war! And I going to get some shots in! What is odd is that Linda and I do call these jokes “groaners!”). So see, if you want more postcards, just keep sending them, I can’t get them out as fast as you, but I try!

Now, some people have gone to the extent of MAKING their own cards in order that I have some post. Which is so labor intensive that I am somewhat guilty receiving them (so pretty!), particularly when they put such craft and even do drawings. Here is a selection of some of the cards I have received, many are hand-made and as you see, feed my inner (and OUTER) goth!
So, that’s a pretty good reason to live right? But wait, that’s not all! “Cliff, show us what is behind door number two!” (sorry, I was channeling Bob Barker there for a moment).

What I want to add is that people, often people who have just been reading and I haven’t even sent a card to just up and send me a gift. Wow! Now, what you may not know is that when I was aged four I made a list of “How to be a good grown-up!” because I thought grown ups forgot what fun was. And I think number one or number two on that list was, “Give Random gifts!” Because there was nothing better than when my father would come home from work with a random gift, didn’t matter really what it was, just that tangible evidence that he had thought of me. So to be getting that with other people, that is a bond, and it is just plain cool!

Here are some of the gifts I have received. As you can see, several people have contributed toward the Postcard Project. One donated more Hello Kitty Stickers (good as I was running out!), another sent me some hand made stationary to use (love stationary, but who doesn’t!), and another send me a card….to show how to fence in high heels and a bra and panty set? Err…I mean, one sent a card combining my love of fencing and red headed women! Then we have the Anarchist Angel cards, and socks for my feet with Reynauds, but socks that have cool skulls on them (another person sent socks with skulls too but I didn’t photograph them because I was wearing them today!). The Butterflies in the center are from the Victoria and Albert, a Chinese art booklet of coloured papercuts Butterfly – wow! One person even sent origami in the post and it arrived perfect! While another sent Hello Kitty Red Hots, and one person sent some anime postcards, blank on the back in order to contribute to the project.

It is a bit like a possible Xmas/Birthday everyday, right, which is why, when I keep alluding to working on the “surprise”, I have been trying to give back by putting together little gift packs for some/most of my readers, at least the ones I know. The problem is that the postcards take time, but to put a gift pack together takes about three to five hours minimum (thats once I FIND and get the stuff shipped to me), so I am having a little problem getting a bunch out. I get some people to do wrapping (not with my hands sorry). And I started ordering things, or finding things on the net, months ago, I guess including the items back from Japan, since April and started my “Summer Surprise” sending about a month ago, but I still am like, half way through the list. Obviously I am not going to show you what I am mostly sending because where is the SURPRISE in that, but here is an example of some unique items, that will likely go out in the next week or two to different people in collective packs. I guess I also wanted you to know I am not sitting up here just sucking down the gifts, I do try to give back, it just works on Disability Time, which means it takes a while. So in this pic we have a reproduction Victorian “Sliding View” card, a Ghibli still brand new puzzle from the film Totoro (if you haven’t seen this, please do so, as it has a CATBUS for one thing). The puzzle has its own little handle. There is also some Japanese candy and a pack of Hello Kitty playing cards (in this case Hello Kitty Angels) and then some Angel Hello Kitty stickers (appearing on a postcard near you!). And in the top middle, all that pack of candy…it isn’t candy, they are erasers, they just look like candy, shipped in from Japan (cool huh?). Do not lick the erasers...they are erasers...not candy.

First off, I LIKE giving, I mean making up the packages, trying to figure out the right gift for the right person is fun, and then hoping they enjoy it when they open it. Plus, so many people have been so generous to me in both time and gifts themselves. For example here is a gift of a drawing I received from a reader from the Anime Chobits (this is Dark Chobit). This person spent the time to draw this for me! I guess that kind of attitude is catching because I want to give things too!

I admit, my gifts aren’t expensive, I get them from around the world, and it often takes a couple months to collect everything even for just one package, but that is also how I save up and afford it, patience and finding unique items or rare items or different items. So here is the Totoro Puzzle again with the velcro opened to put the pieces in, and it shows another scene from the film. Also I have pulled the tab on the Victorian Sliding View card – that is what it is, you pull the tab and it moves from on view to another (cool, sadly I only have ONE!). Here are some of the postcards I got in this week, a series of boys and girls with angel wings. So that will go out soon. And a Hello Kitty Angel Pencil with an attached figure (okay, this just happens to be an Angel themed Picture, I am NOT obsessed with Angels, so please no books on them quite yet!). I also finally found my Goth Lolita Packing Tape, took me over a month and half and a little too much money because the tape and the entire line was discontinued soon after production in 2006 after the creator was arrested for using the “wacky tabaccy” which in Japan is a no-no. So now I can start sending out packages where even the tape to close them will be rare and exotic (goth lolita Hello Kitty is rare and exotic, no?).

Here is another picture of some of the gifts I have been fortunate enough to receive, which range from the Goth Lolita bible (Ahhh, swoon!), to a gargoyle (how well people know me!), to wine jelly and spa products (love the skin and the skin will love you!). There are carved skulls and in the lower right corner, a HELLO KITTY GRAVEYARD (Squeee! Oh to die for!). No, not a place to bury Hello Kitty head down you Hello Kitty haters, but Hello Kitty in her own graveyard dressed up as a vampire or a witch in a 3-D diorama card. Sweet!

And to finish off the selection of gift I have gotten here are these two, one is an original art piece of me (sort of ME channeling someone from the planet Wonder Woman came from I think, but interesting because I did MAKE myself a bow when I was like 10 or 11 – and have been good at archery!). And the other is feeding my anime Otaku side, a figurine from the Anime Read or Die OVA – a classic and called, “Better than James Bond” (Because it has lots of women with guns for one thing and it has my favorite character, a female obsessed with books who is a secret agent called, The PAPER! Hey, not a lot of times do women who spend way too much time and money on books get to be superheroes!)

So you can see now why this is a pretty strong reason to live. I mean I have this thing going on, I send out cards, people send me cards, I get gifts, I send out gifts. I am making friends. Real friends. Probably more friends than I have ever had in my life. People I feel very deeply about, think about. And just because that may be 30 or 40 different people doesn’t mean I don’t think about them, wonder how they are doing, see something and wonder if they might like that. I love the relationship I have with the people that have developed through this blog. And that is part of what keeps me writing. I want to talk to my friends.

Now here are some OTHER of the postcards I got this week. Hey, how come I never looked this good on the beach? Oh well, that is why anime land is a wonder land, they can wear clothes that never have your breast pop out of, and they have giant eyes. Believe me I have tried and tried in front of the mirror to get those anime eyes but NO GO. Darn it. But a lot of people seem to like the anime girls (ME! ME! ME!) and they are hard to get so I spend some time every week searching for more, as for example this weeks total of cards is 24. Whew, if only 50% of those are anime, that is still a lot to find.

And finally here are some Pencil Boards, and a folder. I wanted to finish with this because, well I think they are really pretty (okay, I used to have this ballet fantasy, except I wasn’t the right ‘build’ (tall, more than 79 lbs!) if you know what I mean – but now I want to go back in time and be a SHRINE MAIDEN!). Also, if you look at the pencil board on the left, you will notice the fan in her hand. A couple of you HAVE that fan (or one like it). See, the 'summer surprise' bringing the goodness of Japan right to your summer! Also those two girls are wearing Yukata’s and this week I have been asked by three people INCLUDING the gentleman from Japan who helped me with the information on disability access, on WHEN am I going to wear my purple and black Yukata? Summer is here and so time to break out the Yukata and Obi, right? Well, that will have to be one of my next projects.

I hoped you liked that tour, and thank you again for everyone who sent me a postcard, a card, a hand made card, a gift and an email or picture (which I didn’t show here). Those tangible expressions of one human being to another, those things which I can hold in my hand and know that someone out there actually cares and cared enough about me to spend the time making, writing, sending this. And that’s my number seven reason on why I want to live. Because those relationship are too precious to give up, and besides, I haven’t finished sending out all my gift packets yet (some of you are REALLY hard to shop for!).

As an aside, the reason I did a “Summer Surprise” was two fold; first, for people like me, often people with chronic conditions, summer is a time when everyone goes away (like a lot of people are away right now!), and those of us who are indoors, who are going still to doctor’s appointments or making it through the day of our chronic conditions…..it can get lonely. That is a good time for a package.

The second reason, to be honest, was I was getting a lot of bad news the last month or two, developing a lot of pain, a lot of things like seizures and passing out and not breathing. Plus there were a few times when it seemed that I would not make it (as in be alive), or was told later that some people thought I might not make it. So I felt the clock was ticking. I wasn’t going to wait for a traditional time for Xmas. Because for me, if I wanted to show someone how I felt, I needed to do it NOW, before it was too late. Xmas in summer.

But now that I am going to keep living regardless (yeah, even as zombie if that is what it takes!), what will I do when Xmas comes?

Anyway, that is reason number seven.