My good memory of today: Linda bringing me Ramu/Lamura bottle while I was watching the filme 2012 (watching the whole world get wiped out makes a bad day seem a BIT better). I like the bottle, it reminds me of summer...animes 
(I did get to hear cicada’s in Japan, and I do have the bottles with the marble that clinks when you drink it – but I did not experience the hot and humid Japanese summer – only saw it in anime land).
I rule my mind, or parts of it 
(the parts that don’t go insane by pain or by being on the toilet too long, or having too much spine pain). What was your good memory of today? Sure I had a lot of bad ones, but since I am still alive and heading off to bed, I wanted to remember that I still have choice. Plus, hurrah for my friend who has finished both her radiation and her high concentration radiation.
Bad(ish) memory of the day: Linda arriving unexpected with chocolate sauced dripped all over ice cream as I told her, “No, no, remember the cramps!” and she had to half carry me to the bathroom while what did NOT come out yesterday in an overnighter of seven hours trying came out with…..ZEST! That and me having to close the door of the bathroom and take the heat rather than listening to her click the spoon against the bowl, eating MY ICE CREAM (and chocolate sauce). “No dessert wasted” is the theme in our house.
We also found out that as the ‘new poor’ (which is anyone whose income is $55,000 or less before taxes, unless you are under $30,000 in which case you are the ‘disadvantage poor’ or something like that), we COULD if we wanted apply for subsidized apartment space at a rental cost of $1,300 (we can’t afford that). There are 31,000 households that are ‘new poor’ and $37,000 households in the ‘sub-poor’ range – odd that non of us can afford just under $16,000 for rent annually. It turns out that this was sold to the government by the same developers as across the street. They created the idea that there are these ‘new poor’ who need housing (since rental space is 1% vacancy and apartments costs $400,000-$700,000 to buy), they get government GRANTS to build ‘low income housing’ along with regular income housing. However a two bedroom still can go for $850-950 and they want the $1300+ as the 'subsidized' amount. It is a sort of evil genius. Phase one of their property by the water is done, phase 2 is starting..more grants!
I wondered how, when rentals were available and prices were dropping this company could keep opening up new projects. Well, since that one project (the 22 units for us 31,000 households) got them $8.5 million in Federal and $.5 million in Victoria City grants, I am guessing they will keep on building. Linda and I were both a wee dejected to find we were not just ‘disability poor’ but that even with her job as a government manager she would have been ‘new poor’. I better get my wheelchair and tin cup out to where-ever they give out the grants because someone has too much money if they can PAY for someone to build then profit a ‘smaller’ amount off some units and a ‘larger amount’ off ‘regular rental units’.
Linda says: “And this is why I only let you read the paper once in a LONG while.”
Also, the Y has let me know, from the CEO/Chair of of the Board, that though I AM a member and basketball and volleyball are drop-in, WHEN they offer a WHEELCHAIR USE ONLY or WHEELCHAIR COMPETITION RULES class, I will be welcome to attend. Then they reminded me that I am ONLY a member thanks to the contributions of the COMMUNITY (I have no independant income and am subsidized as on the front page they say: No member of the community will be turned away due to lack of funding. Apparently, a) Wheelchairs are 'seperate but equal' and can't just 'drop in' like others but need to be kept in 'wheelchair only' venues. And then a grind to the face that I should slink to the back since my membership is on the backs of hardworking people like....ME (who do they think donated or fundraised in the past for them? The Ewoks?) They actually wrote that the 'seperate but equal' idea met the standard of the human rights act in Canada....on paper.
If I wasn't so sick, I would be up at the YMCA/YWCA as I have been given a 'deadline' of tomorrow as my limit of when I may contribute to helping them make an accessible program plus, they are also will have (undefined) 'workshops' for staff. So the usual AB tactic of: You do all the work OR you don't get to be an equal human being.
So maybe I will ask for a push up there tomorrow as I do a terrific workshop for homophobia and diversity in the work place, I think it would do great in facility where the althetic director, the Manager, the supervisors and others are all men: men who like sports, you know, the kind that made the kid who came in last run an extra lap just to punish them for....being alive.
Okay, too excited or too tired. I am in severe pain so I am either being carried to bed, or back to the bathroom.
I just want to add that I really wish I had paid more attention in anatomy class, and also, a tip, when doing hand evacuations with little to no feeling in your hand, and trying to use the feeling in the colon/intestines – when blood comes out...you have gone too far.
I just couldn't ask Linda. It is just, there are some things that just aren’t covered in marriage vows whether you write your own or not, and I think, “Wilt thou, (name), insert digits or partial hand up (name) anus, plus of course, that you are each other’s morning light and sunshine.” Just doesn’t happen a lot – no no no.
Oh, I got my first postcard spam request – it was a postcard request……which opened to a spam/malware link. No, can’t see why cynicism is on the rise. Think of nice things Beth: think of the globe getting wiped out while Linda eats your dessert.
Wha?
I live a life that no one envies. And if you have a chronic disability, you probably do too.
Was that too direct, or do you want to tell me that this was choice three: #1 – Teacher, #2 – Librarian, #3 – invisible chronic illness even your relatives don’t fully research, believe and want to understand, and living the high wire emotional act of being dependant. Really?
My life is the kind of life where doing what I want, like blogging for BADD will always come behind the intractable aspects of my illness/disability. Life’s natural joy and excitement are now something to be bartered for. And that isn’t really the way things should be.
NO ONE should be born a second class citizen, and no one, particularly while helping keep many medical supply companies/doctors/medicine makers in profit, should become one just for being disabled. Yet many are. We are.
As a society we collectively set our sights too low. We can do better.
See, we have to do better. I have to do better, to learn, understand and being there for people with different impairments/disabilities/illness’. I have to fight as I can so that the quality of life of those with disabilities, and their value within the society will be higher, for those who come after me.
I believe a fully integrated society which values the insights and full participation of those with impairments/disabilities/illness’ is a better society. But that idea is not THIS society.
The problem is us. We blog in BADD often about ‘us disabled’ versus the AB, but the problem is just ‘us’: ALL of us. We all accept too readily the systems’ failure. With 1 in 7 having impairments/disabilities we already knew before we became disabled of a friend, family member, or someone close with a disability/illness and accepted that trying NOT to go through the system is what is important. 1 in 35 get MS. You really don’t know 35 people? Not even at university, or restaurants, grocery stores, neighbors? I have three neighbors with disabilities before I leave my own apartment floor. At university I knew many women with MS and what did I do to change the discrimination I saw directed at them? Where was my DAMN EMPATHY when I saw her struggling with the foot controls of a Dictaphone and heard the head of department discussing ‘how long they would have to keep her on?’
In a JUST world, I should be serving a community sentence, being forced to learn to care, or if I am a sociopath, learn to at least help.
But then are we a society of sociopaths, narcissists or just selfish people? If you want adult PEER PRESSURE, that is what every commercial, homepage and TV show sells. It is hard to have an equal and integrated society when even being facially different brings public scorn (72% of Brits feel that Susan Boyle should never have been allowed to appear on ITV’s talent show. After winning, she was offered a role on ‘Ugly Betty’).
We, collectively need to do better. My province has put on an high bonus for every time a doctor sees a patient with a chronic disease, because so many refused to take them as patients before. So now instead of punishing them for discriminating, we reward them for seeing well…us. Perhaps none of the Doctors or Specialist in BC read the Hippocratic Oath “I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone.” Or perhaps they never bothered to tell the doctors that they would see patients, sick people – that IS the job of doctors, to see people, well, like us. To help people….like us.
What should been done in North America and in other countries is to raise the bar of acceptable standard of behavior for doctors. If a doctor ignores the main source of information (the patient), belittles them, assumes they are lying, assumes they are lazy, assumes because they are female it is: trauma, PTSD, depression, hormones, or ‘in her head’ – a complaint should be taken as seriously as a physical complaint. Because the ignoring of her, and her condition, the delay in treatment for her chronic illness IS a form of delayed physical treatment and well being – as harmful as an assault. They DID harm, and they should, since they seem incapable of having the morals to hold to their oaths, be held accountable. Often, sadly, the entire medical system can be a form of abusive emotional, physical and psychological assault.
I have yet to be able to take a MRI, CAT scan, or any other table test, including radiation injection testing on a table where I able not fully reclined on my back, often unable to talk and breath. Not the rarest of conditions, just one two entire HOSPITALS don’t bother about.
We (society) need to do better.
Having a near 80% unemployment rate for those with disabilities surveyed when the general population is 4-8% isn’t sad, it is an open declaration of the second place status, and social status warfare view of people with disabilities. In the last few hours, I have read three items, two books, and one a major advice column, all seeing the disabled, or those with disabilities/illness’ and facilities as to be ‘used’. Hey, problem with having opposite gender children to find someplace to pee? Then find a ‘handicapped toilet’ to use instead of a man going in the women’s restroom with his girls. The two books I read, both had the disabled/chronic illness characters, the OTHER main character in the book, and both die…..so the main character could learn a LIFE LESSON. Both these teen books were on the New York Times Bestseller List. A new generation learning ‘life lessons.’
We can do better. Where IS the disability awareness fiction section in the juvenile fiction section of the local library? Where is the display? (probably next to the invisible LGBTQI one). But at least LAMDA has the LGBTQI awards? Where are OUR awards, our book awards, our film awards?
But we, those disabled and with disabilities/illness’ are just as bad in ignoring. We find our groups, we band together and we bunker down. How many times have I heard, “Oh, I’m just glad after six different ones I finally found a GOOD doctor.’ – so an ‘I’ll find mine and then, finally, done.’ mentality. When do MS and CFS/ME get together to talk about fatigue? When do Fibro and SMA groups get together to talk about muscle pain? Or cancer and SCI groups get together to talk about dysautomia? They don’t.
Change Society, decrease an 80% unemployment rate, hold doctor’s accountable, change medica with awards and Disability Rights ratings of major corporations? Really? Let’s be real, right? OR, are all these things, as they say, ‘tried hard and found lacking’ or ‘found hard and lack in trying’. I am not asking for those with disabilities to change society, I am demanding society change itself! When most countries have a ‘no child left behind’ program, why then is there a ‘fend as fend can’ for those needing assistive devices, employment or assistance?
I have heard countless presidents, Premiers and Prime Ministers talk about the ‘New Economy’, but never about one where leaving over 60% of 1/6th of your workforce behind is outlined. It just HAPPENS. No. It doesn’t. Not in countries with human rights and disability acts, it doesn’t ‘just happen’ is simply isn’t changed from what happened before. The: “We don’t give a damn, because they are too diverse, too ill, and we are too used to this way to change.”
How is it possible when every family MUST know someone with a disability not to organize for basic things like recognizing that in the same way you get shoes and clothes after an accident, not understsanding that getting assistive devices for impairments are the same? How long until recognizing that the old models of looking at work as an assembly line (created in the 1910’s) and every worker as the same is a LIE. Right now we have the technology to employ as many of those with chronic illness’ and disabilities at the levels they can and desire to work. Right now. Except the very companies that make the software, that run the platforms, the top 500 companies are not rated on how they have advanced in employing numbers of those with disabilities. Not even in the Human Rights index. And the government…..it is easier to simply offer money, then portray those on disability as cheaters. OUCH, the BBC disability website regularly runs news highlighting cheaters caught on disability.
Why?
I went to the optometrist and it was ‘assumed’ I was on ‘blue’ which must be some code for disability welfare because once the worker found out I was actually using employment blue cross, they were rendered speechless.
That same day the paper ran an ad on how a half marathon is fundraising for wishes for people with terminal cancer…because the last director stole $100,000. I am positive he was not disabled, or a cancer survivor. He was just another of those who handle the programs, determine OUR objectives, all without talking to us. . From Crip camps to Respites, there are workers who want to talk to significant others, who want to get home, who want to have a paycheck, but they do not see us as the boss. Yet, without us, there is no job. We ARE the job.
I asked how often the care feedback forms came and when there is government review and implementation. I was looked at strangely. The managers, the RN managers, the health care middle managers might have feedback forms to give to government about client care….but what does that have to do with me?
“Errr….I’m the client.”
I am more than my wheelchair, I am more than my breathing device, I am more than my illness, my disability. And so are all those others out there. So are all those with invisible disabilities. So kick it in gear society, kick in it gear about real equality because we all know someone, and we all know the stereotypes (if we didn’t we wouldn’t keep saying, “Kill me if I ever get like…..” – what? Like me?). Stop trying to find the loopholes to the good doctor, the small good parts of the system and accept that it is broken.
Burn it. Rebuilt it. It wasn’t an accident that every wheelchair user in hurricane Katrina was killed. I was fascinated, so I watched 4 disc documentaries, washed away, left behind, left to die, left without medicine and without care for days…in a country that calls itself ‘The World’s Superpower.”
The world is seen as a comic book, according to language. But if a ‘power’ isn’t used to help (much less a ‘SUPER power’), I would kindly say, “What use it is?” But what I think is, “Well, isn’t that what separates the Heroes and the Villains?” It IS a choice.
That is my blog against disability discrimination
(I did get to hear cicada’s in Japan, and I do have the bottles with the marble that clinks when you drink it – but I did not experience the hot and humid Japanese summer – only saw it in anime land).
(the parts that don’t go insane by pain or by being on the toilet too long, or having too much spine pain). What was your good memory of today? Sure I had a lot of bad ones, but since I am still alive and heading off to bed, I wanted to remember that I still have choice. Plus, hurrah for my friend who has finished both her radiation and her high concentration radiation.
