My weekend and why Linda calls me 'Sheldon'

We had a pretty good weekend, until the third hour of it.

I WAS going for Korean BBQ that evening(except they were on vacation for a week), so while deciding we went to the local markets. The natural soap and carver was there with new products, including both mini-watermelon and apricots.
Last year a potter had been making skeleton cookie jars but had moved on to mugs as well as fossilized dinosaur pattern mugs. Cool. I was like, “Where’s the lid?” because Linda had hinted at a skeleton cookie jar. No lid.

There is an inner court of stalls, then an outer court with the foods. Inside there is a guy singing busking songs and outside there was a woman with a Celtic ‘Lap Harp’, I think it is 42 strings. We bought some cheese at the Award Winning Qualicum Cheese Factory we had visited before (now they come to us – score!). They were Finalists in the Brie category for all of Canada (Brie is the one where the stuff that normally tells you your bread, clothes, or shoes have been hanging around to long covers cheese and this makes it ‘strong’ – yeah, kind of like a men’s locker room I’m guessing. I don’t do ‘strong’ cheeses, sorry).

Off to the side there is even a play area for children which even has its own Zip Line. Pretty cool. This guy was using it to Zip back and forth.

What is amazing is he was a least a foot shorter than being able to reach the holding ring (and thus probably years too young for those who planned what age should use it – but does that ever stop a kid?). He was climbing up on bolts and jumping to grab the ring, and then would ride it across every time he caught it.

Here is a picture of the corner of the market, if you don’t get the irony, then it is just a nice tree, blooming. We left and went to the James Bay market afterward. Making a brief stop at home. While Linda went inside, I talked to the animals.
It was a sunny and warm day and people were taking out their collectable vehicles for the first big rides of the year. I think this is a Bentley beside us, I love the tires.

In James Bay, Whimsical Jam was there, and we talked to them and bought some peach jam for Linda. Then I talked to the potter who last year would not use the Amazing blue in her pottery because she was pregnant now had her baby and was using blue again! And more was going to be on display next week, this week just these two. This, according to Linda is an oil and vinegar set. While to me it is clearly perfect for making flambe’! Not enough flambe’ in this world: flambe’ waffles in the morning, flambe’ omlettes, flambe’ open beef sandwich….the ideas are endless. Next week they are having a gallery showing of the artist of James Bay…..up at least 20 stairs. DARN.

Here is the artist who blows glass and makes tidepools which Linda bought. This year he was making mini stars and Galaxy’s inside of glass balls. They ranged from $90-$150 but were amazing to look at. He also created octopus as well as these jellyfish necklaces (we are very sea themed here on the west coast island).
As for me, I found a left over Anarchy necklace. It had been left over because an older woman wanted it because she was named ANN, the owner explained before final sale that the symbol had slight other meanings besides an A. Her loss was my gain. I told the woman watching the stall for the glass blower that Anarchy is not about bad or violence, it merely supports the removal or collapse of a previous system so rapid change, for good or ill, rises in place (we hope for good, oddly, we keep getting ill).

She said, "Wha? Yeah, sure." I got it for $10 (you can see it here with my cooling ‘kerchief and a pack of ice down my back). Ah, it all comes together, the red hair, the Anarchy symbol, now I just need a big flag and a line of police to charge in my wheelchair!
Sadly the heat did me in at this point and with the fever, nausea in extreme, shaking, and the desire to have my skin turn inside out as well as my body getting hotter and hotter, I had full blown heat stroke as the dizziness and confusion increased. And voided my entire intestines. Despite the ‘warnings’ to go to a hospital (yeah!), I was wheeled to bed, lifted in, iced, and lay alternating mumbling things and shivering before sleeping. The fever broke nine hours later. The good news is that I did NOT going into a coma! The bad news is I didn’t go out for dinner, and having 2 hours out from 11-1 in May means full heat stroke, then will I be able to leave this apartment until autumn? I hope so. So, got the 1 in 3 bad disaster weekend out of the way.

Getting up, I worked with Cheryl and Linda into the WEE hours doing postcards, 54 in all, down the list, making sure that people who might have been missed for a while were getting one. I hope they come at the right time, since I have been hearing people getting the ‘lurgy’ or varients which go into the lungs right away all over the country, so I hope a postcard gets to them when they are down.

In the evening Linda and I have been renting ‘The Big Bang Theory’ which is sort of like watching some guys I knew at uni. But during one episode, at one point, returning from a Renaissance Faire, Sheldon (ASD and self absorbed brainiac!) was complaining about the inaccuracies at the Faire. However his complaints were so egregiously wrong I had to pause the show to explain to Linda about disregarding those INACCURATE complaints because the period Sheldon was talking about was late middle ages of central Europe not the explosive intellectual/artistic explosion in Florence. That is what spread not only exchanged through the emerging postal system which carried the challenges of mathematics, puzzles of art perspective, and treatises but the education centers of University of Paris, Oxford and others, quoting from the excellent biography of Layola (founder of the Jesuits) who went to Paris.

I stopped at this point because Linda was laughing so hard that she was crying, and couldn’t seem to stop laughing, as she would look at me and say, “Yes Sheldon” and then start laughing again.

I tried to remain aloof and simply restarted the show, but soon had to make a correction of late middle English pronunciation which the show had wrong and set off Linda into hysterics again.

Sigh.

She giggled constant throughout but did turn to me at the end, when the main character broke up with the wonderful Leslie Winkle ("Come for the boobs, stay for the brains") due to what theory of physics they would teach their children. Leslie believed in Quantum and Sheldon (and the main character) believed in String. I explained (briefly) the step from the grandfather Newton to father Einstein and his theories. My own observation is that Winkle was right because Quantum physics is about TESTS and results and working equations from that to find the laws of this universe, while string theory cannot BE tested.

Life impacts theory and vice versa, so the pragmatic aspects that women have to deal with and compromise about not just historically but as part of life, makes Quantum is an extension of that. Because one can have an idea but when a single aspect of data (like recent finding of the fact that stem cells grow differently in space – hence the idea of colonies in space suddenly is less attractive to women who REALLY don’t want to see what the first child would be like!) requires a change in universe constants and our perspective. String Theory, like male masturbation, has endless variety and playing with itself but has no tangible effects or ability to test (and the idea that you can get paid to do this, oddly enough, attracts a high percentage of men to that field) – while Quantum, you get it wrong, and instead of a baby, you get cancer.

Now most of the time when we watch Big Bang Theory I point out to her that while I have OCD, a cleanness issue, space issues, tend to overthink the optimal, I keep saying, “I don’t do THAT” while she giggles at various places.

We work at getting by. We work at contact, and intimacy of space despite the pain (I fell twice yesterday, the second time hurting my elbow, hip and leg badly). Or I do, because the pain is what makes me something I would not want to be. I want to put defensive, cranky, and pain hazed interpreted Elizabeth on the shelf and let the vulnerable Elizabeth’s back out (problem is they need someone to catch them emotionally: in order to remain open and vulnerable, it creates fragility). So with my birthday midweek, I live in a future I hardly believe, of years I can’t remember. And the knowledge of the pain I live but the pain I have caused others. I know individuals who believe I deserve this, and it is my fear that Linda was chosen, or persecuted once again with a layoff BECAUSE I exist, because I am ill, and fear that deep down she wants to yell, ‘It is your fault!’, and then she's gone. She won't, because her daily acts of thoughtful kind love after years of hard caregiving should tell me otherwise. It tells me she cares. My fears keep whispering though.

Canada particularly always seeks to find whose fault it is, or rather to avoid taking responsibility and end up at fault. So to get ill, I was told, it must be genetic. It must be because I have displeased God. It is my sins come back to haunt me, etc. I live in a brain where time has stopped that day part of it died and yet I must face things every time I wake up. The day after the postcards I went for dental cleaning (Linda knew this was included and oddly did not tell me, due to the 'worry factor'), exam AND plates to avoid cracks and chipping from pain teeth clenching and seizures. The cleaning took 90 minutes. I talked to the person doing the scaling and cleaning and asked her to ‘kill it all, every little bit’, and then, suctioning blood, asked her to go back and do the back wisdom teeth as well as other areas AGAIN. There was a LOT of blood.

Linda was reading a magazine when the tech said, “um, is she…” and Linda looked and said, “Yeah, she’s passed out.”

“Does this happen a lot?”

“Oh yeah,” Linda assured her, “No worries!” I passed out twice, had a seizure and a TIA. The pain was, well, I kept telling myself, “hang on, hang on…”

A close relation was having their cleaning at the same time and talked to Linda was I was out (seizure or TIA I think), they saw me come to, use the arm I could use to raise is the air and rasp out, “Kill, kill, kill!” and back in with the tools the Tech went. The relation said, “It just isn’t fair how she gets to have fun doing this!”

Ah….er?

At the end, I had no cavities, no problems and declared myself ‘ready for toffee!’ That is, once I finished keeping the fluoride in my mouth for 30 minutes.

And thus goes my birthday week so far. No, not the greatest, I will admit.

I’d love to hear how your weekend went. And if it was a ‘SPLAT’ at least you know you have company. Next weekend we are hoping to get out to the highland games, which are here in town. I have always wanted to do the dancing with the really expensive leather shoes with lacing round the ankles (they cost about $110, I checked). Plus I can practice a bagpipe for at least 2-3 minutes (how long can it take to learn anyway?) without Linda noticing.Because I have a plan for LINDA’s birthday. I wish to surprise her with my rendition of ‘Happy Birthday to You’ on the bagpipes. I haven’t actually played them, as such, but I have read a book and am pretty up on the theory (it is hard to practice the bagpipes in an apartment and end up surprising her when the time comes, you know what I mean?). So she has that to look forward to.

Next post, I will be writing about Birthday ‘wishes’ (my number one wish is ‘one more year’ – since Linda says that 'NO, I am not actually just down with mono and daily exercise will NOT cure this' – I told her next year I can wish for ‘one more year’ again). But mostly about ‘Secret Shames’ and asking you to share them.

Yes, those secret shames like whose picture you had in your locker and which male readers got a perm (or blower drying in the school locker to look like David Bowie or Shawn Cassidy)? One of Linda’s secrets: She actually had a ‘Hang in There’ poster with a kitty. Me? I had an under the hood programming K.I.T.T. car from Knight Rider. Oh yeah, there wasn’t exactly an INNER HIDDEN geek.

Fly or Fall? Three hours on a Saturday

Fly or Fall? I face the wind, on the breakwater, face the sea and imagine I am a seagull, riding the strong current.
We stopped first at the farmers market. More on all this later, as now I might be fevered and sick, but I don’t regret how I exhausted myself. Live. I’ll let the photos do the talking. No, not local seafood but soaps, hand carved by a local soap maker, who starts the night of the market for the next market. Then some fresh peppers. The sun shining. I found myself a small Japan town, only two stalls wide, where customers wearing kimono’s speak Japanese as they buy food for Udon, with Daikon’s and other vegetables.
From there we went to the one place I used to jog all the time, every day for years: The breakwater. When I was in Wales, all I wanted to do was jog it, I yearned it, I dream of jogging it. Longer than a km, it has a path to get on then a pedestrian u-turn to squeeze past in order to stop bikes, and roller blades. We had to dismantle the wheelchair completely. I hurt my arm, Cheryl hurt her back. We paid. But we rolled.


The wind was high and smashing the water against the century and more old stones, sending up jets of water and covering the whole walkway with spray at times. It was the breakwater. I was home.


Wheeling back we saw a large seal diving in and out around in the protected side, along with sailboats and pilot boats. So much more to tell…

Back home for hot chocolate and doing postcards. There is beauty everywhere, all over the world. It was a good couple hours. Fly or Fall.

farmers market, pain, weekend, pain, seizures, more pain, falling down, screaming.

On Thursday evening I went to a BIG farmers market of over 100 stalls. And in retrospect, that probably wasn’t the best idea. I say that because I was going to be doing a lot of talking on Friday and had a hair appointment on Saturday plus work and postcards all the way till Sunday, a medical appointment early on Monday and a Tuesday flight to see Linda’s relatives.

But I did go to the market and there was some really nice stuff there. Here I am at the beginning, in front of a woman’s stall who sells regular hand-made soap AND goats-milk soap AND Emu milk soap – that’s right, Emu soap, in many different scents and flavors. So if you need some, let me know and I will pick it up.

I did go a searching among the many jam and jelly people for diabetic jams. And I found a woman who was going to go into in, and while we were talking a guy came up and said, “Did you say Diabetic Jams?” and we talked and I told him where to get his at the James Bay Market on Saturday. So there is a buzz. I found a nice places that has these SMALL jars of diabetic jam but then were very aggressive going, “No, you can’t take a picture of it, it is under copyright!”

I said, “I am taking a picture so a friend can tell me what jams he might want from you.”

“No it is trademarked and everything!” They said and were very firm about that their jam jars not being photographed. I am seriously confused as M&M’s are trademarked but you are allowed to take pictures of them. I mean, it is an OUTDOOR market place of tables, I am standing in a public space and I can’t take a picture? Linda and I have found this before, with artists or potters who go, “No, you can’t take a picture, that is my original art.” And found that there are the 90% of the people who love the CRAFT they are doing, and when I put pictures up, like the woman with the soap, then people end up with soap, bought from her, or go there to get soap from her. Or like with Jason Hunt, I commission a piece from him and others can, as he has the cedar and will send me pictures as he carves it, see the process and contact him if THEY want a commission too. Then there are the 10% which are about the BUSINESS and are sure that they will somehow LOSE something if a single person ever sees their work without PAYING. Which is the fast road to obscurity. A little further on I FOUND the assistant to the Jam maker and here is what they currently have in Diabetic Jam (which they were happy for me to take a picture of). The jars are $5 each. They are also wanting to do more flavors and if someone wants to give a list of the flavors they would like, then they will try to do as many of those as possible.

It was actually sort of weird because Victoria IS a small town and I do review these markets that some of the people and stall owners were talking as I went by, “That’s her, yeah, in the wheelchair, she’s the one that does the markets.” Or a person going, “Yeah, I’m sure that’s her, there was a picture of her next to the soap.” It makes me feel rather weird like I am a reviewer or something. I just like finding interesting things, like this older gentleman who was selling broaches, Victorian and Edwardian broaches much like this beautiful piece shown here. I can’t do a full piece on the market yet as I am too wiped out.

But I did want to show this place that was packed called Mitchell’s Soups which sold salads, soups and desserts, all for $5 Canadian (about three pounds) which you just put in and soak (for soup, about 12 kinds) and with the salads, add lettuce or a single staple. I mention it because like many other places I asked about diabetic and gluten free and this place has three gluten free products, two salads and one dessert. We got the mexican soup (very mild we are told.....hoping!)

Then Friday I had some problems (GI) and crashed, crashed really, really bad, and then had some seizures, and some more seizures and some more. When coming home on Thursday I told Linda, “I have hit bottom, that is IT!” But Linda didn’t really get what that meant, like maybe I would need to rest before the hair appointment. No, that meant that I did not know if I could make the plane on Tuesday. But after not getting to bed, and hallucinating with a fever and having stopped breathing and waking to find myself suffocating (because I was too weak to expand my lungs), and had to be hauled bodily upright, and passed out about six times. Then she got it. And so did I. And I got to bed past 7 a.m. and thought I was in a cave.

I just wasn’t able to take care of myself, I had to be watched at all times or I was in risk of crashing which meant dying. So I was on 24 hour watch with Linda and Cheryl. And we needed that close watch at times: for seizures, for falls, for stopped breathing. One time, I remember clearly, my right leg from the knee down contracted so hard that the muscles ripped, a seizure, but while I was asleep. I woke with a scream because of pain that was high, high, high even after that pain article. And indeed it was enough to alert Linda and get her to the source and then I passed out (due to the pain.) When I came to, screaming again, Linda had managed to calm many of the muscles and tendons. However, that leg has caused problems and now transfers are dubious. And to answer a question, yes I am using INDY.

What we wanted was a nice quiet weekend, some hanging out time, some doing some postcards or reading, whatever time. That was what we wanted, just resting up. Taking it easy before having to do things on a summer day. The problem was I just kept stopping breathing, or falling over. Or the muscles from the seizures six, or eight hours ago would super-heat in healing and I had no way to get rid of it, and I would pass out. And then there would be another seizure.

Of course, I was determined to try and keep things on a type of schedule, to try and keep things normal, even if from my bed or INDY and so Cheryl (blue hair) and Linda (green hair – actually after the hair salon she has RED hair now!), came to me and we talked and stuff and then I would pass out. Am I scared? Well, I am going someplace where it is hotter than here, where I don’t know if there is adequate air conditioning, where everyone knows Linda, where no one knows the limits of my condition. Yes, I am terrified.
But we had the postcards sorted from last week and we did them. I had a seizure which ripped some muscles and did a partial dislocation of my left shoulder (my writing one – so things took longer – five hours instead of two to write the postcards – but they got done). We took the time to do the stickering again, and I enjoyed that. There were some new stickers. And then the stamping. But also we had some new cards from a limited edition set. They were very cool, they were oversized and perfect for stamping in texture and size. And we enjoyed seeing them. I will miss them. This one here is my favorite and it is going to a special person. Someone who did something without ever believing they would receive in turn, and acted simply because they noticed a need. It was a sacred act of kindness so it gets my best gothy, steam punk, old world postcard.
I guess what I want is a real vacation for Linda and I. A time to get to know each other all over again. Because with the hours away and the sleeping I have to do when she returns, I don’t know if Linda knows me as well as she did or can recognize the signs of how and who I am. I would like a time to be loved by Linda and to love back. And then I would like for her family to be part of that.

However, that is NOT how family visits go, usually one, two or four people decide what everyone is going to do and when and the person visiting is sort of like the prize goat which is shown off to people here, there and everywhere.

This weekend, in fact this last 3 hours I have fallen down twice, hurt myself badly once, started to suffocate once, unable to sit upright three times, and having purple hands for two hours. But we are packing, we are getting ready to go. I also think I had a seizure; the seizures are a stupid cycle because I cannot stop. I cannot NOT go to the doctor’s appointment tomorrow, I also cannot NOT take the plane trip, so I cannot simply lie in bed for two days to get the strength to do things. So instead, when I do things, and after a little bit, when I am used to things going well, I feel funny, I see blue sparkles, or I fall over or I can’t use half of my body and then I smell burning rubber and after that I wake up and my back REALLY hurts and Cheryl tells me that I practiced “Human Origami” and that I wasn’t doing the folding right because I can’t actually tuck my head backwards into the middle of my spine.

I may not post for a few days. I recommend reading the pain post before this one because dying and pain have been on my mind, or rather thrust onto me (and into me), of late. And the comments because Rachel is right, why do I need to say I WANT to live? Do any of my readers have to start every comment that way? Yes, I want to live, maybe not with this much pain, but I want to live. And if we as a society can talk about childbirth and all the things that can happen and the little things like cravings which occur; we can make public stand-up comedy routines about sex or relationships so why can’t we talk the same way about chronic pain, about degenerative pain, about not being able to remember a pain free day? And talk about how we cope, what we notice, what makes the pain that little bit extra that reduces us to tears (the future for me, the realization that this really IS ME, and that nothing is ever going to go away – that is what brings the tears, that with fatigue).
I have to go, but I wanted to show you this weekend and there were good parts too – 33 postcards and 4 packages. We are sending to five continents this week, and I think at least 2 postcards to each of those continents except for one. I watched some anime with Cheryl, we talked a little manga. The rest I don’t know, wiped clean by a seizure, only to see bits and pieces, like a surreal film. I hope it was a good weekend, I will post as soon as I am able.

Camera Whore at Moss St. Market: Ashfords', Skeins & Silk/Wool Blends, Totem poles and carved soap.

It was early morn, and two Camera Whores (Linda and I) were on the prowl. The day was one of perfect sun and the question wasn’t IF we would be taking pictures but WHERE. As it happened Linda forgot her camera (two point deduction), AND she got distracted by the donuts!

Oh yeah, did I forget to mention the fresh donuts where the dough had been freshly kneaded before covered with cinnamon? Yeah they were pretty rockin.

So yes, we got up and out early and at the bright DAWN of 11:00 am we dragged ourselves to the farmers market which is also a craft market at Moss street. One of the places we went to see what can be seen, and while Cheryl got cheese curds, Linda and I picked up some fresh Cilantro and Chives (with blooms still atop) for our mexican chicken and veg for that nights dinner. Here is a fraction of the market with Linda holding her jade plant. She has been given a new desk at work, so here she is holding the start of her usual urban jungle desk, which will begin with a humble jade plant.

Due to my unique view (I call it the seven year old seeing the gum under the table view) from the wheelchair, it gives me a chance to both take pictures from interesting perspectives (click on any pictures to make them full screen). I can get down low and take the close in shots without straining, like these blue glaze mugs from a potter who had not only cool hand made skull mugs but a wonderful skull topped Urn we thought would work well for…um….ME (with a name like Goat Dragon Studio, you know they must carry Hello Kitty too!). So we have his card for when times comes.

Instead of covering all the people I talked to at the market I am going to just give a taster for today, three artists: a native sculpture/painter, a spinner and skein wool maker (for those ADDICTS: the knitters!), and a soap creator/sculptor. I also picked up on the gossip: who had retired, who was a famous Japanese potter and ignored here, and talked to a seller from India who had the greatest ivory card case from Shanghai and gave me tips on sending postcards to India. And of course, checking out the local artist: painters, wood carvers, gourd carvers, and cloth makers. This picture is $150 and both Cheryl and I like it, very much the feel of the sea and the Island. But onward…

The woman spinning unfelted wool on a hand spindle is Claudia Lorenz of Island Spindle Co. before she continues on that Ashford spinning wheel from the 80’s you can see behind her (contact me to get her email!). She advertises handspun yarns and spinning wheel repairs but who needs to advertise when you have a basket of skeins that looks like this (click on pic!). This picture has the skein with the longest name of all, it is the one with the white mixed in upper left and is called: “Core Spun Silk Blend Plied with Unspun Corriedale Roving.” I hope the knitters and spinning people know what that means.

She not only makes long skeins, like you can see here in yum-yum colours decorating her booth but she has a delicious selection of wool and silk mixed skeins which made several women passing by salivate. I tried to get a picture that did the skeins justice through the plastic bags.

From there I met Laura-Victoria Soaps, Laura advertises soaps (click on picture!) (yes, that is right, there isn't any fruit or veg, those are ALL soaps!) with no dyes, perfumes, coconut or palm oils AND she hand crafts each one, having everything from Cauliflower (back right) to Rhubarb. She sells her mushrooms at $3 each (about 2 pounds or $3-4 australian dollars). Did I mention she HAND carves each one - (uh huh Abi, EACH ONE! Every single mushroom!). The Mushrooms are a mixture of coca butter base, oatmeal, blackberry with a hand rub of light cocoa power to give the mushrooms the ‘just off the field look.’ The quail eggs which smell divine and come in a little holder like you just took them from your little quail house, use cocoa butter and cinnamon with a darker cocoa rub. Meanwhile these little bags of baby potatoes (11 per sack – I want to put a bit of butter on them and eat them. DO NOT eat the soaps!) The potatoes are cocoa butter and oatmeal, blackberry and olive oil. She loves her craft and has over a dozen different fruits and veg at any time. It is always changing.

I finish with Jason Hunt who is from Fort Rupert near Alert Bay, works only on commission now at his Gallery here (Check on the 'Galleries' button on his site for some amazing art pictures: I love the 'Woodwork Archives' section). His father and grandfather taught John sculpture and painting. His father and his grandfather were taught by his great grandfather; a lineage of West Coast Native Art. His Grandfather was the famous Native sculpture Henry Hunt and with his father they made two totem poles on commission. One of them went to parliament and the second was shipped to the UK and is now sitting outside Buckingham Palace in London (take a look). So, he just comes to Moss Street Market to meet people and to show off some of his prints. He is a traditional artist and knew some of the types of carvers who made the rings Linda and I have (he had an AWESOME ring of gold, with carved white gold overlay on 80% of it!). He has a great sense of humor and specializes in traditional masks but does other traditional carving and is JUST the type of person I would want to have me make me some art (as if I could afford that!). But it was great to talk to someone who does this for a living, and is HAVING FUN doing it.

By this time I was out of oxygen, my hands were funny colours and with the sun high above I beat a hasty retreat. But I vow that this Camera whore will appear where pictures are to found! I hope you had a great long weekend (US and UK readers). And if you come to Victoria, I’ll take you around, for some reason, they seem to remember me…