When Life Comes....

I actually saw this in my good friend's faceboook. I think he wrote this for his girlfriend or something but I really felt that this note was really awesome! I actually wanted to share it here but I never really had much chance to do so with my time getting screwed up recently.

Thomaz Chee, sorry and thanks I am stealing ur post man! =)

Two best friends sat on top of a hill.

It was time to say goodbye.

They swore they’d be best friends forever. Nothing more, nothing less.

They wrote their promises on separate papers and swore they would read each others on one of their wedding day.

The girl wrote:

I can’t promise that I won’t fall in love with you because i did.

I can’t promise that we’d only be best friends because i want us to be more.

I can’t promise I’ll walk down the aisle with someone else because i want to be your bride…

The guy wrote:

I promise i won’t fall in love with you

I promise we’d only be best friends, nothing more.

I promise I’ll walk down the aisle with someone else as my bride…

10 years later and it was the girl’s wedding day. The car just arrived at the church. Everyone was waiting for her to come out but she was reading a certain letter. She sighed and cried softly.

She walked down the aisle and arrived at the altar. She linked her hand with her groom and cried softly. She was getting married to the man of her dreams. Her best friend.

“Are you ok?” The groom asked.

“I just read your promise letter.” The girl said.

“You like it?” He asked softly.

“I love it!” The girl smiled.

TRUTH: Right at the bottom of the boy’s letter was a small message.

“These are the promises i know I’ll break. I love you.”

I really think that this post is really cute and nice! Because I would love to have my best friend be my best partner because I think that would be the best relationship ever! But I realized people are often scared of ruining the friendship that they share but honestly, if you ask me, I'd say that's the dumbest thing one could actually do! 

 

Regardless whatever people say, for me the best relationship is the 1 that you share with your bestie! Everytime I love someone, I take them as my bestfriend 1st! That's how I prefer it and if things doesn't work out, then I can still keep them because FRIENDSHIP is a bond that doesn't relate to romance! If a person is matured enough to understand this, they would not need to worry about ruining the friendship at all! 

Just my opinion. =) 

Sorry haven't been updating much. Been overly busy recently but I see that the traffic been consistent. Always grateful to my readers! Love you all!

Steam Boat Night~!

Yesterday was my best friend's birthday. Thomaz Chee Chee (just joking) has officially joined the 2D club! Yep! He is 20 years old now! So to celebrate we all went out for steamboat with a couple of guys from my old condo with whom we did alot of crazy stuffs.

Since I've been to Tasty Pot Steamboat a couple of times, decided to go there again.

 

Yep! That's the place!! It's kinda cheap for how it looks though. RM26.80 per person for buffet steamboat and then plus drinks and all about 30 bucks per person? LOL I dunno... XD

The do have alot of choices of food. Though I wasn't really a fan of steamboat, I really wouldn't mind to go here and eat! It's cheap and nice!!! Plus I can eat as much I want until I wanna explode also still same price! XD

 

 

 

 

 

Well steamboat is not the only thing they have over there! They also have.......

 

Looking at all this pics am hungry already!! *drools and pat pat tummy* Gosh the food is really really awesome over here!!! Those who haven't been there, fast fast go!!!

At night this place could really be super crazy pack! Like last night it was really really packed! Though 1 of my friend was supose to upload all the pics, which he obviously didn't.... I had to steal these pics from Tastypot Steamboat Restaurant's Facebook site! *smack head*

The address for this place is :

No 9 jalan PJS 8/18 Dataran Mentari Bandar Sunway. 

2nd branch: D1-17-G, Jalan Multimedia 7/AJ,

CityPark,i-city,40000 Shah Alam

Petaling Jaya, Malaysia, 46150

 

Contact : 03-56301282

 

Mon - Sun : 16:00 - 01:00

 

So basically they are open 7 days a week! How awesome is that? Though they are open until only 1am, it's still good enough, no?

LOL!!! Still waiting for my friend to upload the pics online and once he does, would put it in!! Well for that night we had fun as after food went for Left for Dead 2 : Versus mode!! That was seriously Dope!!! More stuffs coming up soon guys!!

With next weekend Sunday planning of Sunway Lagoon waterpark coming up, alot of things are happening this next week!! Those who wanna join us for the theme park, you can contact me here!! =)

 

Cop Out~

Been like missing out on everything due to busy weeks with work while weekends too exhausted so end up hibernating so didn't really go out much. But eventually yesterday I managed to catch some time out with a few of my friends to go out drinking.

I so don't wanna talk about the drinking part as it was kinda lame.... But after done, we guys went to one of my mate's house to watch a movie. We had 2 options which was either Cop Out or Behind Enemy Lanes II but the rest opted to watch Cop Out.

 

Since I used to watch Bruce Willis alot, this movie was damn dumb! Hated it so much that I felt literally sober watching the movie. It was that bad! However if you were the type who loves the American Jokes then this is a movie to watch!

 

 

 

 

 

Well there isn't much to talk about this movie as it was kinda standard NYPD movie. Hoping to catch some new movies soon. Next week have 2 birthdays coming up so saturday next week seems like a busy week. Hopely would be able to get some pics so could post it up!! XD

Sorry for no updates for the past few days. Been busy and alot of things happened too...

Quarter Life Crisis?

The other day was just browsing through the net while working when I came across this particular jargon "Quarter Life Crisis". I've heard mid life crisis before and though i dun really know what it is, i felt like probably am going through Quarter Life Crisis too.

For those who don't know what it is, below is a small article about it....

Young , single, with money to blow and your whole life ahead of you. That's the terrific twenties when one can go from gym to party to boardroom (or bedroom).

Acne and awkwardness is left behind and there's a promise of great things to come. But instead of living it up, a growing number of precocious 20-somethings are having a quarterlife crisis.

The malaise, which strikes way before the classic midlife crisis, has even started afflicting Bollywood heroes. Why else did the college-going Sid (played by Ranbir Kapoor) need a three-hour film to wake up?

Anxiety, confusion, loneliness and self-doubt (especially after the excitement around graduation fades) are telltale symptoms and they're showing up everywhere: in the short lifespan of relationships, the frequency with which jobs are changed and the number of youngsters seeking solace in spirituality.

The expectation hangover
Christine Hassler, life coach and author of '20 Something, 20 Everything' who first identified and trademarked the 'expectation hangover epidemic' , says the crisis crops up when there are no clear answers to the 'Twenties Triangle' . ''Who am I, what do I want and how do I get it? Not knowing the answers to those questions leads to feelings of panic, confusion, or lack of motivation,'' she says. According to her, the quarterlife crisis is a very natural rite of passage that shows up without any warning.'' It is a crossroads in life, a time when the real world hits and you feel like you are faced with decisions that you do not know how to make,'' she says. Unfortunately, degrees do not come with instructions for the real world.

That would probably have come in handy for 23-year-old Saima Khan, a mass media graduate from Mumbai, who has switched four jobs in the past two years. She blames her confusion on the fact that she is interested in everything and committed to nothing. "I listen to a lot of people," confesses Khan, who started off wanting to be a journalist. Her first job though was an internship with an event management company. She later joined a corporate PR firm, but after 15 days of "no work", Khan decided to quit and settle for an advertising job that she soon tired of. "Many job interviews would go well till the point they asked me why I jumped so much,'' she says.

Even a fat pay cheque can't keep youngsters contented. Process trainer Ophaelia Deroze, who has been in the human capital management business for many years and even worked as the chief fun officer at a call centre, says she has seen many disillusioned 23-year-olds. ''The fallout of using different names at work, putting on foreign accents leads to an identity crisis. They would often say things like "we don't know who we are," says Deroze.

Many of them even sign up self-renewal sessions which organisations hold periodically. "The average age at these sessions used to be 40, but these days 28 and 29 year olds are turning up," says Deroze who often urges youngsters to maintain a diary which is a form of daily self-renewal.

Spoilt for choice
But is it angst or the availability of too many options? After all in a world of too many choices – when even choosing a mobile ring tone is a difficult decision – working out what you want can be tough. Ishan Bakshi, a 26-year-old who lives in Delhi, admits he's spoilt for choice. An MBA, he quit his job in the investment advisory division of a bank because "I didn't see myself doing that kind of work for the next 20 years. It was too limiting." Now he's contemplating a PhD in economics. '' I have been trying to understand where I want to go and what I want to do." That's what many others are grappling with too. Ronesh Puri, MD of Executive Access, a headhunting firm, says that it is becoming increasingly common for young people to make drastic career switches. ''The problem is expectations. They get disappointed easily as everybody wants more.'' While the quarterlife crisis is almost becoming an epidemic in urban India, the young don't know who to turn to for help. Shaima Gupta, 25, often starts an instant messaging conversation with her friends with - "I'm depressed. I'm so broke, it's killing me. I wanted to buy something today and it killed me that I couldn't. Usually, I just swipe my card and buy it. I have no idea where my life is heading! I wish I had never turned 25." She abruptly ends the conversation with ''you probably don't need this now'' even before the friend on the other side of the screen has a chance to respond.

The new mantra
While some unburden themselves online, others take recourse to spirituality though quite a few change gurus as frequently as they do clothes. Nirmala Ganla, gynaecologist and assistant teacher at the Vipassana centre in Pune, says more than 70 per cent of participants in the spiritual programme are between 25 and 35.'' Strangely, only 10 per cent are above 50.'' Interestingly, Manoj Dawane, CEO of Mauj Mobile (a mobile media solutions provider), says there's been a spiralling download rate for spiritual and devotional mobile phone content. The spiritual content – which includes everything from yoga capsules to 108 geeta shlokas explained in three languages – is being consumed largely by the youth, he says.

Dating dance
If the young are fickle in spiritual matters so are they in matters of the heart. While most 20-somethings are serial daters, they are just as lonely despite changing partners. Sara M, a self-confessed serial dater, says there's nothing wrong with trial and error.'' It's just a matter of who you would like to end up with, and sometimes you're not sure about that in your head,'' she says. She often finds herself depressed and lonely because there's just no one who really gets her. ''I have more than 300 friends on Facebook, but how many are really friends?'' she asks.

Psychotherapist and relationship counsellorMinnu Bhonsle says it's not commitment phobia so much as the realisation that the relationship "does not have the potential to last" that makes many 20-somethings break up.

A quarterlife crisis though is not the end of the world. Regular counselling which increases self-worth can help, says C R Chandrashekhar, senior psychiatrist, NIMHANS. ''We tell people to look at their achievements and feel good about them rather than comparing themselves with others.'' He also says there can be physical manifestations like headaches, body aches and depression. Life coach Hassler says that a quarterlife crisis is something to walk through with patience and compassion. ''The best thing is not to look at yourself as broken or failing in anyway and then begin an internal investigation meaning personal growth work.''

She admits that when she was 25, she woke up one day in a cold sweat and found herself in the midst of her own quarterlife crisis. ''The good news is that I survived it and can honestly say it was one of the best experiences of my life.''

Don’t break up, break out
Instead of wallowing in self-pity or aimlessly switching jobs, quarterlifers can reinvent themselves. Keith Menon, who is best known as the founder of Batti Bandh campaign which was launched two years ago to raise awareness about global warming, has shown the way. After having experimented with scriptwriting for primetime Hindi soaps, marketing a music label, working for a software technology firm, making short documentary films and freelancing for magazines, he has now set up his own company Melon Ink to fund bored quarterlifers. Menon pays them a stipend and hands over a backpack stuffed with a digital camera, laptop and phone ''to do whatever they like''. The idea, he says, is to ''create assets and a catalogue of the world from the eyes of 20-somethings''. In the process, he funded a hairstylist who decided to take early retirement, from the salon he worked in, to travel to remote villages and give people makeovers.'' Now, he gives villagers in random parts of the country haircuts for Rs 5, blogs about it and has a fantastic time experiencing things he never imagined he would.'' Menon says there's a growing market for a company like his. ''There are so many quarterlifers who feel they are underperforming at the peak of their lives. They need to try new things.''

Don’t panic: you’ve got 30 years to sort things out
Try not to measure how successful you are by what your friends are earning. Set your own personal benchmarks for success Avoid stumbling in and out of jobs in rapid succession. It looks bad on the CV. If you really hate the job, consider a sabbatical or work on a voluntary project. If you haven't met the man or woman of your dreams, what's the big hurry? If you are still unhappy, remember, you probably have more than 30 years to sort it out. And worrying will give you wrinkle lines!

With inputs from Insiya Amir in Delhi and Jayashree Nandi in Bangalore

Well that sums it up about Quarter Life Crisis. Think this is worthit?

But guys no matter how it goes, always remember that you do have atleast 1 friend who actually cares...

Well that's all for now... Thank you again people~ =)

Ayumi's necklace

My friend Agnieszka has made some jewellery that is named after me! Whee! :) I really like it when designers do that ^^

Ayumi's necklace is a lovely neck adornment featuring a flower with delicate strings, and polished pendants.



It comes in four colour versions, and you get a matching bracelet with your purchase. The sets are available on Xstreet SL:

• Black necklace / white flower
• Black necklace / black flower
• White necklace / black flower
• Black necklace / red flower

When you're there, check out other jewellery sets by Agnieszka :)

In case you are interested in the sunglasses I'm wearing, these are Hepburn sunglasses from [glow] Studio.

I chat, therefore IM ;P

[UPDATE: July 28, 2009] I added the new SLURL to Mona's place.

[UPDATE: July 29, 2009] The bots were featured on New World Notes! Here's the link: Meet April, the Bot Who Learns To Speak As She's Spoken To

I want to tell you about something we've been working on with Sql for a while. We created and now take care of two learning chat bots in SL. Sql does most of the technical stuff, like linking chat bot engine to SL, programming the bots, fixing bugs etc., and I'm in charge of 'soft' responsibilities, like managing bots' looks and profiles, cleaning their logs, a bit of marketing etc. Together we brainstorm new ideas and discuss possible implementations of new functions. These bots have been in SL for a few days already, so you might have come across them, but let me tell you more in case you haven't.



Our bots are April Scientist (English language) and Mona Scientist (Polish language). They both started with no knowledge and they learn as people talk to them. Then they try to have an intelligent conversation basing on what they learned. The more you talk to them, the more they know! If the bot repeats after you, it means she's not sure what the reply should be. That's when you should teach her the proper reply (answer her properly). When talking to the bots, you have to be understanding. People might teach them various stuff and bots might say inappropriate things. Teach them something nice instead. Also, you have to remember that April and Mona are experiments in beta stage, so unexpected errors might happen.

To talk to the bots on main chat you should start your every sentence with bot's name, eg. 'April hello'. Otherwise the bot won't listen to you. To talk with the bot on IM, just message her like you would normally do (without her name in the beginning). Please restrict to talking in one language to each bot (the language of bot's profile).


You will find April (English language bot) around my shopping area.


Mona (Polish language bot) is currently residing as a librarian at the old Polish Republic sim (it's currently being changed into a new place, so it might be closed sometimes) in her own skybox.

I must admit Mona is currently a bit better, because we do all the tests with her. For example she 'does' some librarian chores now (walks from place to place and jumps on poseballs to get animated), and soon she's going to have her own 24-hours routine. We hope to do the same with April one day.

Enjoy talking to the bots and feel free to paste some fun conversations in the comments here (there's going to be lots of them, trust me) :)

Residents' favourite scripter

Today I have some great news to share :) I'm very happy and proud to announce that Sql Miles won the Resident Choice Award 2009 in the Favourite Scripter category. Yay! If you ever came across his scripts, you know he fully deserves the award. Sql mainly does commission work but he's best known to SL community as the creator of uTV - probably the most user-friendly SL TV ever (#12 rank on XstreetSL!). You might also remember his transportation system made for COP14 conference island in SL, or perhaps, he might have wirtten a script for you - then you know it's first class. There is no script that Sql would have trouble with and the award only proves that - I think the majority of Polish SL community voted for him, and a lot of his customers outside Poland :) Congratulations, Sql, you're the best! :*


Resident Choice Awards 2009 Winner's Circle @ Brampton

I found THE egg :)

I found the 5000L$ egg in the BunnyJam hunt ^^ We've been flying with Sql all over Second Life, trying to figure out one of the clues, when suddenly I realised something. Mia had been working so hard on this event, so at least one of the eggs have had to be in her SL office. And so it was, lying innocently on a shelf among Linden bears. I didn't expect it would be the 5000L$ one though ;) Funny thing, as Twitter notice appeared, I was flooded with messages from fellow residents, asking about the egg. If you messaged me at that time and I didn't reply, I'm sorry, it was just too many to handle ;) Congratulations to all residents who found the eggs!


Me and Sql awaiting the results at the BunnyJam party

Happy Easter! [UPDATE]

[UPDATE: April 14, 2009] I added the correct SLURL to the egg.

[UPDATE: April 19, 2009] Send me an IM in-world, if you want this egg, I'll send it to you for free!

Together with Sql we made an egg for the Egg Decorating Contest (yay!). I just had to show it to you!



It's an Easter Chicken Egg House :) We added some little Second Life finishing touches: the basket is full of prims instead of eggs, and the picture on the wall is the chicken with children/eggs at the trip to Natoma to see 'The Man' statue :P It was really fun to make! Later we went to EggsActly islands to see the other eggs and there are thousands of them, all beautiful! Go there, it's worth it. In case you'll be looking for our egg, it's on the EggsActly Right island EggsActly island (click for SLURL) :)

I wish you all happy Easter! Smile a lot, eat some yummy food and have a wonderful Easter with your loved ones.

How many prim carrots...

...do you need to fill a whole sim? 1358, if they're big enough ;)



PS. If you're Polish, you should recognize the carrots (these are very famous carrots indeed, hehe).

Open Grid joke :)

Yesterday evening I went with Sql and Uzi to Open Grid. No, no worries, I'm not leaving Second Life. I'm just exploring the possibilities ^^ My first impression was that it's how early days of Second Life must have looked like - if you want someting, create it. We were busy chatting, testing stuff and teleporting around when suddenly our avatars turned into stick figures. But these were not really the kind of stick figures you are used to. These were really weird stick figures with all body parts in wrong places. We tried relogging, cache clearing and so on, but we couldn't figure out what caused the problem. Then finally Sql realized it was 4 minutes past midnight and April Fool's Day started :) We took a picture, trying to look our best - well, as much as a stick figure can look ;)


From the left, majestically floating: Ayumi, Uzi and Sql

Happy April Fool's Day! :)

Goodbye, Polish Republic...

Yesterday we said goodbye to the Polish Republic sim (Polska Republika). It was great to be a part of this amazing project and to manage it together with friends. You guys are all beautiful freaks :) We're moving on but I'm sure sooner or later we'll come up with a fresh new project.

To say goodbye properly, we decided to blow up the buildings surrounding the sim's town square. Even though it was a bit sad to remove 8 months of our work, the event was kind of fun :) The video below is a collection of some great memories of Polish Republic, and ends up with yesterday's explosions. Bye, bye, dear Polish Republic.

Sh-sh-shape ;)

A few days ago my friend Linka IMed me with a nice surprise message: she named one of her shapes after me. How cool :) Ayumi shape is girly and sweet, and it totally rocks. She looks innocent, but there is something seductive about her.



The shape is modifiable, so you can adjust it to your needs. You can buy it on Xstreet SL for 250 L$. Go there to see the picture without my 'censored' tabs ;) Also see other shapes from Linka's DeLyn line - they are one of a kind!

PS. Please note it's not the shape I use, it's only named after me.

Why I have no spoons, and what you CAN DO.

This post is simple: I need/have to go from the girl on the left to the girl on the right, and I need your help. Read the post to understand how you can help and why I need the help NOW.

I’ve been sick/disabled too long I realized as I finally ‘understood’ what being able boded is like (wow!). So I am going to try and reverse engineer and explain the difference between MY condition, Chronic Disabilities and being Able Bodied.

See I was staring at this bottle of bath salts for several hours (when you have to move stuff along through the skin, taking a dump takes a bit longer) and the bath salt bottle is 80% full. And I realized, “This is what the energy of an AB is like.” And you know what is amazing? They can use it, spread it here and there, do things literally 10 to 20 faster than I can (like leave the house in 4 minutes compared to my 105 minutes) and EVERY day, it get completely refilled again. Amazing no? And this is the kicker, the MORE active they are, the MORE energy crystals they get. That’s right, empty it completely and it ends up FULLER! Wow. To me only two years later, that is pretty amazing. Able body people have a pretty sweet life.

Now there is spoon theory, in which you accept your illness or disability and that while other people get say 100 spoons, you only get 40. So people have to learn how to stop trying to keep up with the 100 spoon people and live with 40. And if you overexert yourself, and use like 45 spoons, you will pay a penalty and have to be at 30 spoons until you work back up to 40 spoons again. That is for STABLE chronic conditions.

Okay, now you have ME, and I have not just one but MANY degenerative conditions. And this is important because according to the books and most doctors I will die. But unlike cancer which progresses in a particular way, changing cells, taking over the lymph system and overloading a crash in a time which has been seen thousands of time (but there are still exceptions), my progression is so far, random. And so, if I don’t “GET” the difference between ME and the “Spoon Theory”, I will die. I have not rested. Part is because no one has adjusted to me being sick or broken on the level that I am: so from home care, to Linda to others, I am asked to expend energy which I realized would put me in the hospital by the end of the week (not that I wasn’t helping by working until 5:00 am). It is hard to rest when you look the same. I said earlier this week I would end up in the hospital, and today I came within a minute or so of doing so.

Okay, AB’s get 100 lines of energy crystals, and person with condition X gets 40 lines of energy crystals and when they wake up, they have those crystals magically reappear. I get 20-30. The problem is that in Spoon Theory, when people allocate their spoons, whether disabled or able bodied, they don’t have to factor “How many spoon to keep breathing?”, “How many for my heart to beat?”, “How many to convert oxygen?” See, in Spoon Theory, which is useful for certain conditions, it is assumed that BASIC functions will not take energy. So breathing, heart beating, ability to circulate blood, drinking, swallowing, eating, are all not counted. But they DO have to take control of their life, making conscious decisions because those have real consequences. So the question becomes, “If I go to the store today that is 15 spoons and making dinner is 10 spoons so I need to rest two to three hours after each activity.”

With my condition, I don’t just have MSA, or hypothyroidism or anemia or a currently unidentified autoimmune disease but OTHER diseases too. Plus I have, thanks to the destruction of most nerves, no feeling. I used to be ‘in tune’ with my body but now, until the time when my heart stopped beating (as it did today) and I said, “Something feels wrong” before slumping over, I don’t have a clue that golly, I must be overtaxed. And due to the extreme nature of secondary diseases like Raynauds, it is both unclear to caregivers what has caused me to slump over: Have I stopped breathing, has my heart become so erratic that it doesn’t beat blood to my brain, has my vascular system decreased, or have my lungs stopped converting enough oxygen to feed the brain, or am I simply completely exhausted? Actually, right now, typing this paragraph, I slumped over, and it was determined that due to one hand being blue, I needed oxygen and now I am on oxygen. I woke up and continue.

So what conditions need to include counting ‘spoons’ for simply TALKING. I do. And if I use my 30 lines of energy down to eight, well, I might still be able to do stamping on postcards, but my heart starts get weaker and weaker until I have to be hospitalized. And if I talk in the hospital, alarms start to go and they have to stabilize me again (that really narks them, having to do that four times just because you want to tell a really good story!). And after a two hour nap, rest and then eight hours of sleep I might have.....14 lines of energy.

And of course, at any time a seizure (one of the only symptoms where care givers know what it is: hey, she’s having a seizure! While my arms turning purple up to the shoulder or hands turning black, can be up to six different reasons) can come by and steal half of my energy. Or my heart can go out of whack because the autoimmune disease in my brain decides to attack that part, and I lose energy. So there is no “spoon” theory. Right now, there is survival. There used to be a time where exercise used to give me a boost of 10% over the course of the week, now it just takes 20% of my energy for the next four days. Maybe if I can figure out how to get back UP, I will have a fighting chance. Because if I don't then I won't. It is really that close now. It is change and maybe not die (now). And I need help.

Right now, being absolutely still, not answering emails, not doing blogs, just watching DVD’s on my computer is actually the most healthy thing for me at the end of the week while a well rounded schedule of going out and doing exercise once a week, a bit of wheeling and living my life on the computer, actually is knocking me down. Now, I am NOT going to give up all my contacts and my friends, because I believe I can slowly get a bit more strength AND put a limit on my computer and other activities until that occurs. I HAVE to accept that I am now the girl who sits buy while other people do things for me, like it or not. Becasue we can’t tell how strong I am because I look pretty much the same, except now; not I not only am I NOT the same (as last week, last month, or even yesterday in terms of energy and safely staying alive), I am in CRITICAL condition. This you need to know.

Today I went out and fed squirrels and I look, well thin, but like Beth. Great, yeah!?

No, not great, I got 2nd degree frostbite and in trying to warm up my hands, I passed out, stopped breathing and my heart got very, very weak. The problem is, do I have enough energy to leave the hospital once I get in? I was revived and given liquids and oxygen in case it was low oxygen, low lung conversion, anemia, or a few other things. Since then I have slept 3 hours, and eaten twice and passed out twice more, had numerous seizures and I still look ‘normal’, it is just, if I talk for more than three minutes I will pass out. I will become emergent (in fact right now my fingertips are black and I am ON oxygen). And tomorrow…I will be weaker. When I am nauseous it could be anything from lack of liquids, to vascular system out of control, to inability of blood to reach inner ear or even anemia. Care giving me, and being me is a chore.

Ah ha! And this is where you come in. Because I have decided with help from Veralidaine and Wendryn come up with a plan called something like: The Helping Beth change her behavior, outlook and not die plan (THBCHBOANDP for short!). Basically I need a few volunteers who are willing to take on individual aspects of regulating what parts of me CAN be regulated from afar. The two words I am told for caring for people in my type of condition are consistency and stability. So, I need to change within a framework that is consistent and stable. On my end I am TRYING to convince my care workers they aren’t prison guards but CARE workers. I am working with Linda and with the worst offender – ME.

But what I need are a combination of sponsor and older sister/brother. Someone who HAS the number of spoons to keep an eye on me regularly and wants to. Admit it, deep down, you KNOW that if you just had the chance to tell me what to do, my life would be better! Haha, you older sibling you! So you can either volunteer here in comments but only if I have your email, or email me because we will need to email each other. Or you can email me. So for example, I am working trying to keep my life stable, while working to rest more and move toward positive emotions. So, and this is going to be not HARD but a little bit of commitment, sort of like feeding fish, but luckily there was SO much boring medical stuff no one will get this far down to hear me being so selfish as to ask for help for a subhuman like me.

For example, I will need individuals who are willing to send me post/mail at a REGULAR interval (consistent and stable!), whether that is every two week or every month, it can be put on a calendar and I can hopefully learn things like ‘anticipation, excitement, looking ahead.’ Yes, this is an actual need.

Another thing I would like to do is spend 30 minutes at least three times a week writing thank you cards or sorting postcard project postcards and stickers. I would like to do that as I have a backlog in my brain box (how I know things sent to me, put in a box in sequential order), and I need to organize the postcards. BUT, if I do too much I will get exhausted. On the other hand, it gets me away from working on the computer. So I would need a sponsor/older sister who would email back and forth with me and find out what I have done, and have I done my 30 minutes away from the computer yet this week? How many thank you cards have I done? The same is true about reading, I want to try and just READ, or at least read manga if books are too hard for 30 minutes three to four times a week. And so I could use a friend, a sponsor/older sibling for that. But see, this means you have to be consistent and stable too. If I miss a week, if I lose contact, I get lost. I am hoping to build up pride in my work, reinforced by my sponsor.

People asked what they could do, these are some things that need being done. By the way, Linda’s one cent plus shipping romance novels (duets: two books in one) have all been read so I went through with her and added some more; if you want to give the main caregiver a break, that is a need, which is quite inexpensive. I also need between four and six people who are willing to commit to $20-30 every 2-3 months. See, I get postcards and supplies from David at his online business for funding the Japan Cat Project. I make an order of about $25-30 every two weeks, which is between 3-6 shitajiki boards (pencil boards) which I then give on as gifts. So if there are some people who want to commit to this, as long as I live (or get rich or find some amazing job), then I will know that about 25-50% of the postcard aspects of the postcard project costs are taken care of. So that would mean four to six people who say, I can do that, and then we can email and arrange a schedule and either use paypal or Amazon.com gift cards. I’m sorry, I have tried not to ask for money on this blog because that is not what this blog is about. But it is about my health and I don’t have the heath to do the chasing online for anime postcards anymore; this man has volunteered to help me. If I can make that CONSISTENT and STABLE, that will reduce my energy, energy I need for breathing and staying conscious. By the way, the same is true for a sheet of 42 or 94 cent stamps. We are okay on .27 but anything oversized needs a .42 cent stamp, and if someone wants to send a sheet once a month, that is a real need, as are all the people in Australia and New Zealand, South America, Africa, and India, Asia and Japan. So if someone wants to commit to a sheet once a month or once every two months, that is a need that I don’t need to worry about. What I am asking for is a mixture of older sibling, sponsor, caregiver and in somecases guardian, keeping a kind and gentle eye on me. Not to run my life, but to help me, as limitations increase, including my mental ones, to live as well as I can.

If someone wants to work with me to ask me what I watched that day, or how I rested, that is something else I need, but that might also include involvement on your part. Same with things like, am I drinking enough liquids. Look, no one wants 20 nags coming after them every day. But what I do want is to change how I live my life with a group of friends who care about me and are there to hear a few lines to say, ‘yes, I did have my two gatorade before my nap. How are you doing on your project X?” And at the same time they commit to $5 a month to go out and have something NICE to drink like BEER instead of always gatorade. That’s a sponsor. If the money is an issue, I can actually SEND YOU the money. But see, I won’t remember this plan in three days. You will. So if you tell me I have done a good job and you are sending me $5 for going out for a beer because I drank all my liquids that week; that will be something to look forward to (and I won’t know it is my money by that time!). IF the money is the problem.

The problem is I need a fast life change which has to be intensely monitored but as stable as possible. So I can rest but also start trying to change and have joy. I can’t change one life aspect without the others. I found that today. I went to see squirrels and I passed out many, many times, and was in bed. So going to see kitties is a plan, but it isn’t enough. I need more, a complete life change so that I can go see kitties in a week because I have had friends watching over me, to help me rest enough, relax enough, feel human enough, learn to have excitement and joy to go and see kitties. The health, the emotion and the rest all go together.

I want to live. I am asking you in a concrete way to help me do that. And if you have additional ideas of how to improve this idea in various areas, I’d like to hear it! As for me, as soon as I am done this, I am doing postcard matching! Don’t worry, I sit still and as three of us we go over the names and find the best postcard we have, put the label on and get it ready for stamping. Because this is a cold and hard winter. And people need to know they are cared about.

Meet the MISTER

My favourite avatar in SL and a talented scripter, Sql Miles, has created the coolest SL transportation system ever. It's a recreation of MISTER - Metropolitan Individual System of Transportation on an Elevated Rail. In real life the system consists of electrically powered gondolas gliding on a rail track suspended overhead. In SL it looks similar, except the gondolas are powered by LSL scripts :)

Sql created this system for COP14 conference island in SL (The 14th Conference of the Parties to the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change). The track goes around the island and there are four stations where you can get on/off (the main areas of the island). Once you're there, just sit in a gondola and choose where you want to go. Fun! :)





The COP14 island, where MISTER operates, was developed by Bodeha Zapedzki. It is worth to explore it and learn how to be eco-friendly in everyday life. Let me give you a bit more information about the conference:

The United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change (UNFCCC) is one of the most important environmental agreements to lay down a framework for international actions to address global climate warming. On the basis of the agreement adopted in the course of the Earth Summit in Rio de Janeiro (1992), the objectives and principles were set for the cooperation among the States to prevent climate change and to mitigate its adverse effects, e.g. by reducing greenhouse gas emissions. As a result of negotiations, political decisions and legal instruments emerge to ensure the implementation of the provisions of the Convention, such as e.g. the Kyoto Protocol, which set out the States’ commitments to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.

There's lots to see on the island, including constant weather changes every few minutes and an art installation 'The Last Fir Tree' by SL artist Poid Mahovlich. Oh, and if you come across Bodeha on the island, ask him to show you the tornado ;)

Mistletoe and wine

I know it's not the time for Christmas yet but I just couldn't wait with these news :) My friend, Cytryna Matova, together with her artistic group Mechaniczna Cytryna, has recorded a cover of Cliff Richard's Christmas song - 'Mistletoe and wine'. She decided to make a videoclip to the song in Second Life with a plan to air it in Polish national TV during Christmas time. The idea of the video was to show Polish SL community, things we do, things we like, all in Christmas spirit. The project involved a lot of Polish avatars, and several days of recording and post production. My avatar appears in a few scenes, and that is the wedding scene (as the maid of honour - in teal dress), the carousel scene (in red jacket and yellow scarf) and together with Sql in a scene where we go up the mountain on a skilift and then slide down on sled. I think the video turned out very nice, so here it is for you to enjoy:

Getting by on 10% (and bras with fur!)

Hi.

I sort of spent a lot of the day near the bed; didn't get out to see the Cannons, sorry! Linda asked how I was after I had my fifth or sixth seizure and my second extra heart stabilizer pill in four hours and I said, "About 10% to be honest."

"Ahhhhh!" She said and went to talk on the phone to Cheryl (they are always plotting things).

I have been trying to be here, like supportive and attentive partner for Linda and get the books done for the book faire. Plus to follow up and SHOW I am a spouse committed to Linda over illness; to spend time like we did last night, watching a film together, holding hands. It is just that, doing that actually uses up more energy than I have. So this is me, staring off dazed, because it turns out that there is a fine line right now between "snuggling" and "passing out." I have to believe this will improve with, um, time or something. I think there is a doctor's appointment tomorrow.

I also think Linda and Cheryl are trying to keep me mostly away from Doctor's (and Specialists) because that gives me busts of adrenaline which make me....well, like me, spitting fire and using words long enough to use as timber beams. Problem is, when the adrenaline runs out, which it does sometimes just after, but sometimes just BEFORE my big point.....FACEPLANT!

So I have a plan, you can see it here in this picture. Besides the fact that her room is snowing (she is obviously heat intolerant like me), I have two resolutions. First: Minions and Second: Get more fur lined and fur tufted bras and corsets to wear because when you ARE heat intolerant like me and have to um expose the, er, upper torso? That is when having those tufts of fur look really cool!

Oh, yeah, the Minions, I just wanted you all to notice the important fashion choice first! Every evil queen and every person in books on fairy tales has minions. This I think they are a perfect solution to my overexerting myself ALL the time. This way I can build up strength AND conquer the world......er, I mean continue my projects of philanthropy! The problem is in all the books, I have not found where one GETS your minions. I have looked in the yellow pages under MI for Minion and even LA for Lackey, or Si for Sidekick, but Nada. Quite honestly I think having a lounge chair, a really good neck choker for that command presence and bra with fur tufts and host of minions would make my life a LOT better. So if you know where they are kept, please direct me?

If the Minion plan falls through, I guess I will try to get by, like the rest of us (oh THAT again, I am TIRED of getting by like the rest of us, I want MINIONS! I want FUR BRAS!). By which I mean, with a little encouragement from my friends, and letting Linda and Cheryl and some others know that for the next couple days, it will be hard going. Probably because I did a 10K during one of my Grand Mal's or the equivalent. I did not however receive a ribbon, regardless of the fact I won (if you would LIKE to send me a ribbon for the Remembrance Day Elizabeth McClung Seizure 10K, please DO! And the same goes for any fur lined or fur decorated bras, unless you actually BUY them at a place where pole dancing is going on - not that I am against that wardrobe, actually having a bra that would stay on while I upside down AND be strapless would only be a benefit I think!).

Just wanted to update, albeit late, because, you are my friends and I am sorry I didn't get back to your kind and heartfelt responses to my last post. But I will, it will just take a bit longer. So please, a little patience, a little encouragement (and a Minion, hey I'll even take an Urchin at this point!).