I had a specific photo taken to open this post but Linda has the camera (what is it, wait until next post to see!) so this um, creative use of underwear will have to do instead.
The weekend comes and with the weather that means thaw for some, snow for some (-4 here last night, flurries predicted), but spring is a coming. Spring is about looking forward, at least it is for me. Over the last few days I have been blessed to find that love exist in this world; even between people who have never met. That love does triumph; not everywhere, not all the time, but sometimes, and this time, it did.
I am sad, I am grateful, I am wanting to remind people that we are going for the long haul remember, like five or six months. But instead I will shut up and REJOICE
(What would an EFM post BE without at least one cat girl picture?)!
Yesterday, at the end of our conversation, as he stood to go my father said I was like an animal and that no one could be friends with me without being hurt. That I hurt all who come near me.
I talked on oxygen from a hospital bed and while I know that all people who are friends and love each other do end up hurting each other and making up, me as the pain bearer, the animal, might have been what the mirror told/tells me when I cut myself, but not now.
So I wrote him an email. The first line was, “I love you.” I shared how, through Janet I learned we can acknowledge loving each other as family, even if we don’t like some actions or even like each other as individuals.
My father had made clear he did not believe I was sick, or that sick, so I talked extensively about my disease (as he has not talked to me, or asked me any medical questions about my condition for over 16 months). Then I apologized. Because I have not been treating him and my mother with the same demonstration of care and love that I do with those close to me online. I plan for that to change. I asked for him to forgive me.
To forgive is to acknowledge the pain another has caused you and let it go, let it fall away.
My father speaks to me as if I am still his object/child. There are commands, orders, and I put up with it before because I loved him. I didn't have the energy or time for this AND his denial now. So I spent an hour yesterday trying to demonstrate how he speaks ("That is correct." "You will come at 10:00." "You will do X and that will be acceptable to me."). So when he would make a command statement I would repeat that statement back so he could hear it. But before I could say three words I was ordered strongly, “No!” and again "No". In the email I said that all of this was nothing compared to the fact that with my level of illness, I wanted and should be with them, four blocks away in their condo and they should be with me because we are FAMILY. That we should leave all the bullshit behind except ‘family’ and 'dying’.
My father emailed me this morning telling me I was fired. He said that he will 'stop talking directly to you". Disease, illness, the asking of forgiveness all ignored.
I ended my email as I started it "Love" - love from Elizabeth. There is not love from my father, nor acknowledges mine. I have been fired as a daughter by my father, or I guess now by a man who I share a genetic link. Does that hurt? hell yes.
Does that make me stop loving him? No. I think like Caesar, I will love him even while I acknowledge the knife he sticks into me.
Et tu M……
So, what happens when Daddy doesn’t love you? Or when you have no daddy? I can’t and won’t try to control him; and I will still love him. In Victoria this weekend is tourist in your home town and I went to a local gardens to take pictures of flowers and fungus (for one of our readers who studies that). I will try to find the cycle in nature where growth is starting again, and remind myself to challenge MYSELF to grow. I will cry, but I can’t help that.
My father might say I am an animal and treat me as poison itself, that talking to me is only pain so he must protect himself by.....cutting off his daughter? Golly, I guess that line of credit much less the kidney donation is pretty much down the proverbial toilet?
I am NOT going to have fake emotions, and yes, this hurt me and will continue to hurt me deeply, like a wound that never heals, pouring out of me, forever. 
But hey, FAMILY is who is HERE, who is in my apartment, and that is Linda and Cheryl and we are going to go out and have fun. And I am going to try my hardest not to concentrate on the family I don’t have, but the family and online friends that I do!
And what I can do for them. Now is time maybe to say goodbye and thank you, but also to say, “I’ll see you” and “I saw this and thought of you” (worry not, I am not going on a spending spree, I meant around the apartment!).
We are taking off for adventure tomorrow morning,
to see what this city has to offer and I just wanted to let you know. See, I care about you, because you care about me, and that is cool. I am going to get dressed up in my sexy, ‘look at me….if you dare!” clothes,
and I am going to try to be exuberant. After all, things turned out okay for Anne of Green Gables and all those orphan girls in the movies. So what if I am an orphan? Orphans were always running off to the circus and having fun! Or in fantasy books they always turned out to be the hero/heroine. This is just another plot twist right?
I am going to try and find squirrels, and robins, I saw on yesterday but couldn’t get him to land on me. I want to find, if it is not snowing, a field of lavender and see if I can take a picture in it. I love the lavender fields.
I think I like the honeysuckle too.
I will come back often to tell you of my/our adventures and to write some postcards to my family and friends. Thanks for being there for me, please, as I can, let me be there for you.
Okay, back to the lesbian sleepover! Of which it turns out there is a sad and horrific side. No, no, not talking about that incident where we ran out of batteries. What I mean is the true, and sometimes competitively viscous aspect which emerges during the lesbian sleepover. Yes…the bathroom! 
Think about it, one bathroom and lots of women…gets to be the grand central station in the morning! But that’s the other thing, people waking up at all sorts of different times.
Means one person is warmed up and ready to roll, while everyone else is still in bed (and thankfully SO!). It takes a wee bit of adjusting.
But in the end we do find that at least for SOME of us, our patterns seem to make the NIGHT a very nice place indeed. 
Ahh, did I forget to mention that this might be another post that isn’t going to be EXACTLY PG. Sorry, I should have mentioned it earlier but was distracted by the kitty cat on my naked BUTT!
Anyway, even the best of friends need time to sneak away for a bit. So during a break Cheryl takes her por…..I mean illustrated manga to the couch while I head off with my, um, high brow reading material, like this woman here;
it is kind of difficult to determine what she might be reading (since she has the UKE figure attached to her bag!). Oh right, for future reference, the less dominant guy is the Uke, the more dominant one is the Seme – the Seme also seems to be the one who gets an adam’s apple, poor Uke’s seem to have problems with voices changing or something.
I had gotten some picture books and other books from Japan (see, Yaoi has VERY good resale value, and I ended up with someone’s collection, but the trick is, you have to READ it, to resell it – plus I had some picture books from artists who had an....um....diversity of tastes). For example here is what will happen in the USA AFTER the “don’t act, don’t tell” policy is done away with. Yes, that’s right, MORE soldiers will be playing CHESS.
This can only be good for strategic thinking! I can’t see what is odd about guys playing chess (I think more and more of them should!), so strike that policy down!
I was also really hoping that Neil and our other archery experts could let me know, “Are they doing the scoring right?” in this picture.
I know accuracy is important in these anime archery pictures and I don’t know if they are counting the points correctly or not. I think if the guys who are into archery could just gaze into this picture for a REALLY long time, and then let me know, that would be very helpful! Thanks.
And for those who are into historic costume and Japanese kimono’s I think you will find this picture interesting.
As you can see by the patterning......he is TOTALLY nibbling that guy’s ear. And they both seem to kind of like it! And there are cat ears and a mask, indicating love at a festival. I need to find these festivals! Seriously, send me back to Japan...PLEASE!
Now before you are like, “Oh, God, here we go, getting our mind gender bending by Elizabeth again!”, no, no, I did bring some pictures of girls TOO. For example, here is one by my favorite artist, Kazue Yamamoto.
Now, first, I do love braids, they get me a tingling. And she has the sexy glasses look too, but what is with the suit and tie? Is this a lesbian girl? No, no, wait, I am remembering this girl in a FAR more romantic setting, indeed in the ultimate romantic setting as….a snow bunny.
Look, there she is, okay, with a GUY admittedly (dump him, he can’t make you happy like I can), and in this one she has a MUCH longer braid (oh so hot!), and that ‘just a little too large’ sexy sweater thing going on and wings. Okay, admittedly, this is supposed to be Yaoi, but I just can’t help but look at those splayed legs and hair ribbon and think…..sigh. One for our side (or meant to be anyway!).
And this brings us back to one of our favorite Uke’s (no, sadly NOT the butch lesbian and the femme uke) but who was referred to by readers as “cow eyes” and who I like to call Qwen (for reasons I will explain as we go along). Okay, here is Qwen and his (her?) lover, united again, with wings.
Qwen, or Quinn, if you wish, totally has down the “I’m so vulnerable and innocent, won’t you save me!" look. Which sadly, often is a MAJOR turn on for our Seme’s who then love to see the innocence of Qwen/Quinn slowly stripped away. But of course, like a good Uke, Qwen is totally innocent even after numerous betrayals. And needs saving like, every 20-30 minutes. Quew/Quinn can't open a can of soup without needing saving!
Now, here is Qwen, who we are SUPPOSED to believe is a boy, with some of the major characters of this series called something like “No Money” 
because Qwen owns this HUGE debt and of course HE, the guy who gets a chest that is flat and an adam’s apple, holds the bill. And no matter how Qwen tries to pay it off, it goes wrong. And of course, it turns out that the dude’s tough and mean exterior and tricks reveal a secret soft side that really cares for the Uke, Qwen (or so Uke’s frequently tell themselves, usually while the Seme person is asleep because while awake the Seme is usually teasing the Uke in one way or another).
Okay, before we get into gender bender and getting horny over things so I’m not sure whether I am straight or lesbian or what anymore, let’s have one nice picture of the Uke in the snow. 
Awww, so cute, you just want to cuddle poor Qwen who it doesn’t seem will EVER have a clue how the real world works (and thus needs to find someone to take care of him/her – any volunteers!).
Okay, now we get the close up, and here is why I have named this Uke: Qwen, because this is the picture and what do you see? 
Or rather what do you not see? I see silky smooth skin (estrogen!), the same with the face, and tap pants hiked up to be virtually a thong! But I don’t see…..THE PACKAGE! I see rounded bum and I see place where if there is something to see, something should be seen right....right? The problem is, those eyes, that hair. No, no, no Elizabeth, do not get aroused until you are sure, I mean, what if the word got around that you were staring for long, long periods at a guy and getting the tingles?
So we go to the next shot, because that will tell us for sure! We have the ‘harem’ shot here of the parting of the veils with Gwen revealed. 
And all suddenly, for no reason, Linda and Cheryl are startled by my shouting, “SEE, SEE, look at those hips, look at them!!!!!” I turn and they are looking at ME. I make a throat noise and say, “Sorry, just a cough.” But in my mind it is ‘oh baby, LOOK at those hips – yeah, a little on the thin side but I think they’ll do a delivery JUST FINE!’ So now, see, it is Qwen to me, and so now I can feel WHATEVER I want I am I still a lesbian.
Well until this picture on the next page. A classic erotic Arabian Night tale.
Okay, I admit it, my mind seems to be selectively viewing this scene becuase it arouses me! I KNOW that I am looking at a flat exposed chest. I just prefer to think of it as a AAA breasts with a bit of development needed because LOOK at those hips and that thong, my goodness do they come out (and disappear)! I mean that is erotic right? And who knows or cares if my brain is saying, “But gee, the top is awfully flat!”, the rest of me is saying, “No! Don’t move, don’t start the rocking or the friction! No, stop that, no friction!!!! Okay, yes, eyes say erotic, eyes say (fire inside says), ‘what I see is good for me!’ (I think we might definitely be in gender bender land now!)
Now here we have a scene. Oh, the look of longing from our Uke. The Seme turning.
Is this when they first fell in love? Did the Seme buy the freedom of Qwen from a house of ill repute (though she looks pretty hot!)? Or is this where the Uke waits, waits until the Seme is done with his friends. What is the look saying, “Save me.”, or “I love you.” Or “Come home to me?”
Anyway, here is Qwen, flying back to her love (remember, theoretically she is a boy, but I am going with what my groin is telling ME, and well, maybe I have gone straight because I want to be the one to save the UKE, I want Qwen to be racing home to me!) in a gown with enough fabric to open a shop.
Oh, yeah, I have Linda. Right! Um....well, books are where we get to have fantasy right? So I am sure she will understand!
Ah, and here is Qwen (still in some sort of gown) back in her lover’s arms, bound (a bit literally, but stylishly on one arm) in love. 
Or maybe because she keeps getting lost and needing to get rescued, like all the women who fall for the superheroes (Lois Lane could end up having someone shove her off a cliff or point a gun at her in less than 15 minutes, on a desert island!...she just had this knack for it!). Anyway, not loving the big broad chest thing, but hey, at least he had the decency to wax his. And guys are like 25% of the population or something so I suppose someone has to be hetero. Of course if someone like Qwen is classified as a guy I could um, you know, go for doing a little rescuing of Qwen, if that was called for (like Qwen doesn’t need to be rescued from herself/himself about four times a day; probably almost strangled themselves with the mittens up above trying to get them off!). Does that make me straight? And if it does, then where (to be blunt), is the ‘tackle’?
Well, I am going to put my book mark in there for today, though I could go on with more pictures.
Because while it might be snowy outside, I am WARM, and tingling. Woo ha! I wonder where Linda is, and if she will hit me on the head, when I mutter, “Oh Qwen, do you need some rescuing?” Because quite honestly, I don’t think explaining that statement is going to get me any, well...any of ANYTHING, not even if I show the pictures. But right now I am, um, whew, it sure it hot in here!
Anyway, that was my gender bender tour of me going straight (maybe) for a while though the land of Yaoi. But now we are back in Yuri land and I have to get ready for tomorrow, because I think we are having a picnic. And as well all know, while we can’t have PILLOW FIGHTS at picnics, lesbians tend to dress like THIS for them.
Um, well yeah, that’s pretty close if you just imagine jeans and doc martins for a few of our members instead of white gowns. But there probably will be hand holding, is that close enough?
So, this tour of the um, interesting twists of Elizabeth’s mind is over, please don’t leave any luggage behind as you exit the ride, and enjoy your stay in lesbian sleepover land!
On to Part III
I am sad, I am grateful, I am wanting to remind people that we are going for the long haul remember, like five or six months. But instead I will shut up and REJOICE
(What would an EFM post BE without at least one cat girl picture?)!
I talked on oxygen from a hospital bed and while I know that all people who are friends and love each other do end up hurting each other and making up, me as the pain bearer, the animal, might have been what the mirror told/tells me when I cut myself, but not now.
To forgive is to acknowledge the pain another has caused you and let it go, let it fall away.
I ended my email as I started it "Love" - love from Elizabeth. There is not love from my father, nor acknowledges mine. I have been fired as a daughter by my father, or I guess now by a man who I share a genetic link. Does that hurt? hell yes.
Et tu M……
My father might say I am an animal and treat me as poison itself, that talking to me is only pain so he must protect himself by.....cutting off his daughter? Golly, I guess that line of credit much less the kidney donation is pretty much down the proverbial toilet?
But hey, FAMILY is who is HERE, who is in my apartment, and that is Linda and Cheryl and we are going to go out and have fun. And I am going to try my hardest not to concentrate on the family I don’t have, but the family and online friends that I do!
And what I can do for them. Now is time maybe to say goodbye and thank you, but also to say, “I’ll see you” and “I saw this and thought of you” (worry not, I am not going on a spending spree, I meant around the apartment!).
to see what this city has to offer and I just wanted to let you know. See, I care about you, because you care about me, and that is cool. I am going to get dressed up in my sexy, ‘look at me….if you dare!” clothes,
and I am going to try to be exuberant. After all, things turned out okay for Anne of Green Gables and all those orphan girls in the movies. So what if I am an orphan? Orphans were always running off to the circus and having fun! Or in fantasy books they always turned out to be the hero/heroine. This is just another plot twist right?
I think I like the honeysuckle too.
