Orgasmic gaming and life inside a Terry Pratchett novel

I wheeled to the library tonight, first day open after Xmas. I had books and manga to return and the library always had the excitement of unknown delights.
Upon entering the library, the 'quick-view' 3 day DVD's, free for check out (if you could find something good) are just on the right. They had just put out a new selection, two rows of DVD's from 2010, just processed that day: films and documentaries which, due to library closure would not be due back until Jan 3rd. I got Knight and Day and Robin Hood. The limit of the 3 day DVD's is two DVD's per card, but with Linda here that means I could take out four. I learned to take what looked good and then check against Amazon and Internet Movie Database to find the best. I got my computer assignment, the one on the corner at the back, facing the lounge chairs. I could wheel into it by removing the chair for it. Linda went to get some week long rentals from another section to check.

I had the IMDB open and was checking titles.

A Guy sitting 15 feet away facing me had wild beard, and unkepmt hair, with two layers of jackets suddently said, “Maybe you’re praying to the wrong god!”

I looked up startled. Oh dear, Beard-o had a steady stare at me. Had I talked to myself? I had been reading about the DVD in my hand: You shoot, I shoot. It was a ‘must see’ dark comedy satire film about too many hit men in Hong Kong, so while some hit gals are having a 'hired kill sale!',another hit man has a ‘bonus points’ reward scheme with a card you punch, pay for five assassinations and get the sixth for free.

Did a sigh of satisfaction for hit man humor indicate a sign of my divine dissatisfaction? Are DVD's the new religion? My daily offerings and collection would certainly make me a Shrine Maiden then. But maybe Beard-o wasn’t talking to me? I looked up.

Yup, still staring right at me. I lowered my head and looked up another DVD. What it is that makes guys need to confess odd things to me? While getting the DVD’s, a guy with 20 hairs of comb over stared at the DVD’s before turning and telling me he had not watched a DVD for an entire year. “Yup, all due to World of Warcraft.”

I told him I heard playing WOW can take up time.

He gave a sigh of longing and satisfaction which bordered on post orgasmic and said, “Oh, but it was worth it....every hour.”

And yet ANOTHER reason to avoid World of Warcraft.

At the computer, Linda had returned and now sat beside me. But Beardo rose, wandered deliberately over to the back of my computer and stood, his shoulder dropped towards me, connecting us as his voice lowered, to make sure only I heard he softly intoned, “Limited offer, okay. For a reasonable donation, I can go talk to MY god for you.” I felt like I was in a Terry Pratchett novel, perhaps of Small Gods and had annoyed an obscure high priest. He saw me startled hesitation and added, “Take it or leave it.”

I looked up from the computer, put on my best ‘please do not kill me’ smile and calmly told him that I appreciated the offer but I think I would ‘leave it’ at this time.

He brushed past and said with a bitter emphasis, “Then you won’t get NUTHIN!” and ambled toward the main library section.

Wow, that actually hurt. I had pissed off Beard-o, and felt some self doubt mixed with a tinge of rejection pain and the calm of finding out life is far more surreal than expected.

The self doubt played through my mind: Linda had just applied for one job, other jobs were finally, after almost a year, showing up for application. I hadn’t heard from the neurologist. What if I really had just alienated not just another doctor but a god?

I started laughing softly, then somewhat hysterically. After 10 seconds Linda wanted to know what was up. “I don’t get nuthin.” I told her. “Don’t you see, I don’t get NUTHIN.”

She just gave me ‘the look’.

“I didn’t DO anything” I protested, “Maybe he saw the wheelchair and meant that, who knows?”

I’d like to think that if I was ‘entertaining angels unaware’ it was not Beard-o, or the WOW guy, but the elderly lady next to me who I helped sign online after she had failed three times। I read out her card number to her and we double checked it on the screen. This time it worked. I told her I always had problems with my library number, too many zeros and six’s to not miss one. I hope that angels are those who check our generous spirit, rather than those who try to blackmail or extort. Maybe Beard-o was a pissed off Santa, who now I was on the ‘nasty’ side of the list (I know it is supposed to be ‘naughty’ versus ‘nice’ but I did NOT want to do ‘the naughty’ with Beard-o).

The library is always a place of mystery and adventure.