This week Cheryl, Linda and I did 74 postcards.
Postcarding is our Quilting. I realized that I have never really shown the process of ‘doing postcards’ so people might think lots of things from me just writing ‘heya’ on a postcard to me over some Gutenburg style press.
We all get into the study and do the ‘matching’, which is the longest part of the process and takes 4-12 hours. That is where we go through, I usually go through the hundreds of postcards looking for the right one. And if there is a family of six, that means not just six individual postcards picked for each person, but that no stamps or stickers the same can be put on two family members postcard (because who wants to get a postcard EXACTLY like your brother/sister – makes you feel ‘not special’ – and that is the exact opposite of what we try to do). After the matching we do the stamping. That means we clear the two hospital tables, and fill them with stamps and ink, and then bring the stool next to my power chair.
The stool is because since I can’t feel my hands, I need a steady flat surface to watch my hands or arms push on. Sometimes, I use my foreheard, or my chin to try and make sure the image comes out clearly. That is because if I have too many ‘white spots’ on the left, it means my left/weak side isn’t pushing with the arm, I am too exhausted, so I used what I have. Or we ask Linda to step on it.
Some people are very pristine with stamps and ink. Since we are doing a stack each and working sometimes though the night, we are not pristine, as you can see here.
Also you can see, the unmounted stamps are down on a hospital tray, on acrylic and we call out what we want.
First, as we had 7 or 8 new stamps that week (we have invested in getting new stamps, now our problem is in getting more ink!), we had to try them out with the various types of ink and paper, so on gloss, is the distressed ink too much, does plum make it ‘pop’ or should that be purple? We do five to ten of each stamp to get an idea and then get going on the postcards. For a family, one person does the whole family at the same time, to make sure there are unique stamps on each postcard.
That evening, there were issues as I had low blood pressure and wasn’t responding to heart or other medicine and with heart erratics kept passing out.
That just happens. Every weekend is different
People wonder, “How can you get that many postcards done?” and the answer is sort of like, “How do you run a marathon?” I don’t, I run one step and then I run another and another. Yeah, I feel crap, but so does Cheryl sometimes, it is just get on with getting on, whether that is blowing blood out of your nose or just waking up and trying to do another stamp until you start feeling better.
The dialogue is like this
Beth: “What does the Rabbit go best in?”
Cheryl: “Denim Blue”
Beth, “No, it’s a slick card, feel that.”
Cheryl: “Just the royal blue then.”
Linda: “Can you pass me the black and that flower from last time, the one I do green.”
Beth, “Wha? The flower you do green? What does that mean? That makes no sense.”
Cheryl: “Here it is,” (passes a stamp of a flower over), “it was under the dancing skeleton.”
Beth turns on Cheryl, “Flower in green and you KNOW what that means?”
Cheryl shrugs.
Beth “Oh, did you say dancing skeleton? I am doing a goth card, I can use that!”
Later.
Cheryl: “Is she pressing that big Lion still”
Linda: “No, I think she’s passed out.”
“Tilt her back”
Linda pushed my head back. After 30 second, “Come on Beth, breathe, you gotta breathe,” 20 more seconds, “come on Beth, breathe.”
I’ve woken up but I can’t get my lungs to expand, my throat is expanding, as I try to open my mouth and gulp air in but I am too tired.
Linda pulls me upright and lifts my torso free, and I gasp air and breath for a minute.
Beth, “So was I doing the windsurfer who lives in Oklahoma?”
Linda: “Why don’t we call it a night?”
Beth: “Why, I only have three…er….six….a couple to go.”
Linda: “And…..they will still be here tomorrow.”
Beth whines, “Nooooooo!”
Linda: “I think you not breathing is a bad sign.”
Beth: “But I’m breathing NOW!?”
That’s pretty much a typical night except a lot more, ‘Look at this’ when we do a good stamp and trying out difference colours and ‘how did you get that?” and then trying to make the same image.
Music plays softly in the background and the postcards go up flat atop the books to dry. And we have a stack of 25 each and if one person is taking more time (LINDA) then we take a couple each from her. Some do better with one stamp than other. It is not a bad way to pass an evening (except for Linda who is saying, "Why do 'I' have to step on all of them?" And we go, "Because you are the only one who can feel her feet!" Or the time she stamped a lion and got a giant white spot in the face....and managed to match it perfectly and not even we could tell where she had laid it down a second time - on a 5 inch by 5 inch stamp!
The next morning, after 3 to 6 hours of sleep, I am in the study with stickers and the black ink government pens which won’t run. And the table has the stickers on it, so I can put stickers on the postcards, some weeks are sticker heavy and we sticker each card first and some I do it all afterward, and then I write them all. I am covered with this fleecy blanket of Kit the Kat, skelanimals, that Linda found for me – you know, because Love never Decays.
Then, every so often Linda or Cheryl, who are packaging the Amazon sales, come in to the study where I am writing and stickering and collect the postcards for photos or for putting the names down for how many where sent and who they were sent to. And they are put into bags (one for Canadian Stamps, one for US stamps) and then all are posted on Sunday.
That’s the stamping process, it starts Friday and can take the whole weekend, but I try not to do that, though it does seem to take up part of Saturday evening every week. We have to talk to try and remember what stamps we did for the person before, what postcards we sent, what they liked, if they emailed and what they said. Some stamps we can only do by size, if the postcard is large enough or if there is time. For example this stamp, takes about five minutes more to do.
It is really cool but it takes a while.
And after all this banter and back and forth and talking and passing around stamps and debating and saying, “Well this looks good so far…….are you going to risk another stamp?” We end up with this, the finished postcard, ready for writing (and stickers).
So that is the postcard project process, at least the ink to the paper process. Before I go, I would really like to recommend the manga book Bunny Drop. 
Much like Transparent is a good series to talk about chronic invisible illness’ and the discrimination and caregiver issues around that, Bunny Drop is a good manga which speaks and shows in art caregiving. Because the basic aspect is that no one really knows what they are getting into with caregiving, you just end up making do as best as you can, getting help where you can and as you can. It also gives a viewpoint of someone who is less able to communicate, who has perhaps diminished capacity, or sundowners or dementia. Linda, Cheryl and I among many others recommend it. If you have care or caregive, I really recommend it, particularly those who balance caregiving with a career. It is the sudden onset of caregiving needs which makes this book particularly relevant to having an illness, having a sudden need to caregive, finding out there are all these systems but a) how does anyone know about all of it and get it all organized, and b) who has time while holding down a full time job?
The manga brings up the worry and frustration of trying to think of everything and failing, as we do, being human and all. Even though the people we take care of, from children to seniors are often the most vulnerable. And I learned recently how vulnerable and weak I have become. It is good for me too see both sides, and realize how hard care giving really is. Being ill doesn’t have respite, and I can’t say, “That’s it, I’m crap at this illness, I quit.” But care giving is the gift which only love really gives, as it isn’t easy, and pushes you as a person. I’m glad to see that shown, but also the vulnerability of the one being cared, and the cost to them. As we say, “Elizabeth pays. If Beacon workers forget, if Doctors screw up, if Linda forgets, in the end, Elizabeth pays.” That is the nature of a high care need illness.
Almost time to start preparing for more postcards!
This here is my friend Dax, who I like because he is a ‘disability’ or ‘impaired’ Skelanimal.
Actually he tried to dress up in a Halloween Costume as a Mummy, but Dax TRIES hard, but isn’t very good at doing stuff like that. I think he is cute and far better as a disability skelanimal (you can be dead and STILL impaired – now that is hope for me).
Well, I haven’t been sleeping well as it turns out doing a lot of extreme exercise really, really hurts, like, can’t move your arms hurts (seriously). So not getting sleep and not finding that I am generally better in health, but I am hotter, which indicates my muscles are being rebuilt, which I hope means when those are rebuilt I will be healthier.
I spent this weekend trying to a) stay conscious, b) take care of my body and c) doing really stupid things. I think that there is an idea that when things get palliative there is soft music and lots of smiles and not a bunch of people who are terrified in a room including the person in a lot of pain. People are scared, and scared to say they are scared. So imagine three people dumped in a room each full of fear that they won’t talk about. Which seem more likely, a) snapping, frustration, mis-communication and outbursts or b) soft music and lots of smiles. Well, I did choice A, and ended up ‘proving’ I could be a caregiver which was nice in thought but damn stupid in action as it left me unable to move around, or move at all since Sunday. But I have been thinking a lot. Mostly about masturbation and fantasies (in an academic sense of course!). I feel I am screwing up the time I have, and don’t know if it has been extended or not, Linda feels scared and has said she feels she is messing up. So, no mystery butler to do the caregiving or the little stuff while we watch cheerful movies like, um, Beaches or Philadelphia or Thelma and Louise.
The time, oxygen and frustration of this week has been Best Buy inc. Which it turns out, was not! After an entire week the result is that six different agencies from Geek Squad, to the policies, to home office, to Canadian office, to the Victoria store have all been talked to by me. It was arranged that I would get someone to take in the laptop. computer I paid $200 to have servicing done on when bought, and get a new battery, etc. Except Victoria, after doing nothing with the computer for a day, ignored the list of problems, ran a software check, wanted to install a software package and….charge us $200. Hooray for Best Buy in this weeks award on taking advantage of people with disabilities. That and the statement that I ‘needed’ to ‘walk the computer in to the store’ in Seattle. I told them that many doctors would love to see that. And people who watch DVD’s for pain control in hospital beds don’t tend to ‘walk in’ computers. Oh, they were VERY understanding, and something WOULD be done. Well, a week later, the Victoria store has tried to pass it on to Seattle (though Seattle refuses to take it), Canada Best Buy refuses to fix it, they have decided the best thing is I pay them all the money they ask for, and then they will decide if they want to give some back. And I haven’t had my laptop for five days.
I just called them. Waited 20 minutes for a supervisor before…..they hung up on me. Wow. See they do believe in customer service – the customer services them with money……and that’s it. Sometimes, in the way they talk, I forget that I am NOT asking for a favor, a giant favor but actually PAID them over $200 to fix my computer in advance, and they haven’t.
Good thing I don’t have a job as between trying to stay on oxygen, having a wind storm, power outages, and calling them multiple times a day, I would need to have this AS my full time job. Oh, looks like they hung up because it was 5:00 and the day for them was over. Haha. Seriously, it is stuff like this that makes one think that companies WANT to go out of business. Oh well, maybe the ADA lawyer can be contacted by phone (isn’t it great being a US citizen!).
Thank you for the responses. I left myself vulnerable in honest feelings and you responded in kind, thank you. I have not been around on-line because Tuesday until today I was having a lot of blood loss in my lower intestinal tract. So between that and recovery, I was trying to decide how far to let it go before I went to the hospital and today I stabilized so I am very happy.
Basically something like the fresh made peanut butter cookies with peanuts in them must have had a shell. The shell irritated my upper intestine and Friday I had IBS clean-out. I stopped it with Florastor which unknown to me, captured most but not all of the unprocessed and very sharp shell pieces and then bonded to an intestinal wall, creating a blockage. Meanwhile the other pieces came down and when I decided to go to the bathroom for dump o the day on Tuesday what came out instead was blood. I had to find and isolate the pieces, then help the blockage to leave the intestinal wall, have that come down, which opened up all the cuts and fissures as the blockage was processed through. Boring, and embarrassing stuff. Also puts a crimp in reading all the yaoi when I have to have my fingers/hand up my own ass all the time. Little less ‘fun fantasy’. Ow.
So, let us forget that and return to normal gothness where I am the magic goth girl who doesn’t sweat, and of course never would fart or eat and is always pale and like a vampire gets my nutrition through drinking...the blood of virgins!
Well more like Virgin Smoothies. And like Sherlock Holmes I take my opium and play my violin, ah, why are there no murders of interest......>
I wanted to show you my pre-Halloween travel plushie, which is the Skelanimal Diego, the Bat.
The pillow is a micro-fleece and very fuzzy and soft, works great as a travel pillow, then you unzip it, and TADA, our friend Diego the Bat (with his little fangs and wings) emerges and the back zips closed giving you a huggable plushie. 
The plushie is about 16-18 inches high, so the pillow is over a foot wide and great for your head. I got him off Akadot for $24. I think they still have Jack the Rabbit there (I also got Kit the Kat – I love my dead skelanimals!).
Also in Hawaii I did get one loot for me. I was talking in the market with the woman whose uncle brought in jade for her to sell. She and her father and grandfather had been connected to the Big Island and Plantations for many generations. Her father had lived here and retired here. Her uncle and cousins came and went. She sold mostly bracelets of symbols – Hawaiian Petroglyphs with different meanings. I will let you get which one I got and post the picture of it next time (a prize for anyone who gets it!). I noticed this one item which was very different than the rest. It was, she said, Ivory, and for the women. Here it is.
Well, as you may have noticed, it is a snuff bottle which puts it pre20th century, and with the engravings of the mountains, kimono’s and fans, it is for those who would travel to the ‘cooler summer house/palace’ which would be in the mountains. It is not elaborate enough for a daughter of royalty nor it is something a middle class woman would have, but some woman of leisure, like a lady-in-waiting.
It was very affordable and I verified that it is ivory and intact.
It turns out it is the last of her Father’s lifetime collection. She sold most of it to a dealer or two but had this left over. I could not understand what was wrong with it that they should leave it behind. I ended up talking to the dealer who bought much of the collection and the Father had collected EROTIC snuff bottles of (I am somewhat guessing the date) 1770-1850. This was not erotic (of which I have no interest in carved erotic snuff bottles) and for woman, not men, smaller and thus left behind.
The daughter was thus convinced that it was not valuable and charged very little for it, as it was the off season and no one had looked at it. I however was very glad to have a museum style piece from something I saw on the Antique Road show which now resides in my Ossuary by my desk. I was fortunate that I could afford it, the price of a couple McDonald’s meals and the snuff spoon was in perfect condition as was the stopper. I cannot tell if it is Korean or Chinese, I think the style of the Kimono is Chinese.
So that was my ‘loot’ – since I had to bring it back to Canada, I did not publish this while I was in Hawaii (not sure the rules on old Ivory). It is Ivory which I am against the killing of animals now for Ivory, but would not pass up a nice scrimshaw piece if I saw on in a garage sale. This being a snuff bottle of an upper class female from Asia was too much of a connection to my heart to say no. I think it is beautiful.
With fall and autumn here, those of us with chronic illness’ take our pleasures as ‘small pleasures’, the energy to have a cup of coffee out of the house, the ability to go out and see something.
I have been worn down this week, and will not go out tomorrow, but I hope Sunday. And I want to try to catch up on emails and responses to the last blog as my ‘small pleasure’. I hope this weekend brings ‘small pleasures’ and good days or good hours to many.
Postcarding is our Quilting. I realized that I have never really shown the process of ‘doing postcards’ so people might think lots of things from me just writing ‘heya’ on a postcard to me over some Gutenburg style press.
The stool is because since I can’t feel my hands, I need a steady flat surface to watch my hands or arms push on. Sometimes, I use my foreheard, or my chin to try and make sure the image comes out clearly. That is because if I have too many ‘white spots’ on the left, it means my left/weak side isn’t pushing with the arm, I am too exhausted, so I used what I have. Or we ask Linda to step on it.
Also you can see, the unmounted stamps are down on a hospital tray, on acrylic and we call out what we want.
That just happens. Every weekend is different
Music plays softly in the background and the postcards go up flat atop the books to dry. And we have a stack of 25 each and if one person is taking more time (LINDA) then we take a couple each from her. Some do better with one stamp than other. It is not a bad way to pass an evening (except for Linda who is saying, "Why do 'I' have to step on all of them?" And we go, "Because you are the only one who can feel her feet!" Or the time she stamped a lion and got a giant white spot in the face....and managed to match it perfectly and not even we could tell where she had laid it down a second time - on a 5 inch by 5 inch stamp!
Then, every so often Linda or Cheryl, who are packaging the Amazon sales, come in to the study where I am writing and stickering and collect the postcards for photos or for putting the names down for how many where sent and who they were sent to. And they are put into bags (one for Canadian Stamps, one for US stamps) and then all are posted on Sunday.
It is really cool but it takes a while.
Much like Transparent is a good series to talk about chronic invisible illness’ and the discrimination and caregiver issues around that, Bunny Drop is a good manga which speaks and shows in art caregiving. Because the basic aspect is that no one really knows what they are getting into with caregiving, you just end up making do as best as you can, getting help where you can and as you can. It also gives a viewpoint of someone who is less able to communicate, who has perhaps diminished capacity, or sundowners or dementia. Linda, Cheryl and I among many others recommend it. If you have care or caregive, I really recommend it, particularly those who balance caregiving with a career. It is the sudden onset of caregiving needs which makes this book particularly relevant to having an illness, having a sudden need to caregive, finding out there are all these systems but a) how does anyone know about all of it and get it all organized, and b) who has time while holding down a full time job?
