If you say ‘Potato’, I’ll say “Potatoes’!

Thanks everyone who has taken that precious time from a life too hectic to read this post. It seems that we are at the future of Luc Besson's Taxi or like Harrison Ford in Blade Runner: Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, barraged by images, messages, ads. Blogs now all require moderation due to spam and I get up to 40 spam messages to moderate a day (ug, no I don't want to know how to use escort services, thanks!). I use moderation not to ‘screen’ messages from people but because I find word verification difficult and I know others do as well. Also, being rejected and told you are spam by blogger when trying to comment BACK is humiliating. I am trying for a disability friendly blog.
I looked back a year and realized two things: 1) I am not responding enough to the comments that are made. I appreciate EVERY comment, and I try on alternating days to comment. I don't think that is enough, since many readers and commentors have chronic disabilities. So I am going to try to comment on every comment made AND I am going to try and blog more often, at least three if not more times a week.

I admit, these days (due to neuropathy) it takes an average of six hours to write a blog, which is 2/3rds of a day. Then add in a couple appointments and there goes a week. BUT, but YOU are the ones who are important. You are important to me, and what you think is important to me. So when you spend your time reading my writing, and writing something back I am going to try as hard as possible to respond.

b) There are a lot more personal messages. Hey, I love emails and PM because I am not exactly going out and about in the world anymore. Here a big day is when the guy testing for putting up the sling talks to me about how the beams in the ceiling either go this way or that way (honestly, that is what today was: I was in bed, with the full oxygen mask on, and he was on a ladder – but it was HUMAN CONTACT!). I looked back at the comments and realized, "Now that person emails, that person emails, that person emails, that person messages…”

The sad thing is that the more people email comments, the more hours I spend emailing back (even if only half, when an email takes about an hour). BUT, I want to be friends, and be there for people. And I will keep responding to emails. But to help ME, if you could, pretty please, split your message into a) comments on blog post – which I WILL try to reply to and b) an email – which I can try to reply to, but you understand that oxygen, hospitals and general funk sometimes delay this! While it looks like more work, it is actually the same, just part of the email is a comment (you can even cut and paste!), and the rest an email. While for me, I can use the time I save to make sure I respond to comments AND do more blog posts. Sounds like a win/win? Gosh, I hope so. Suggestions are appreciated!

And in closing, milk does a body good! Particularly if you are a cat girl (Linda has already asked to wear my cat ears for Saturday!).

Flying, and what is possible.

If you only look at my dying body, you will never get to see ME.What is possible until I SAY it is possible? Today we have a lesson in flight, whimsy and spring. I think we all need a little spring in our lives right now. But unlike Peter Pan or Tinkerbell, you don’t have to have happy thoughts, you can be as sarcastic as you like. I encourage it; because flying takes ATTITUDE, or was that ‘altitude?’ I always get the two mixed up. No, I am pretty sure it was attitude. So grab your rock chick attitude and get geared up for flight.The guitar says: “It’s better to be wrong alive than dead right.” That’s sort of terminal people humor. Which is the first lesson in flying: one I happen to excel at, falling.
If you can’t fall, then you can’t fly, and wow, can I fall. Falling is a bit of an art; you want it to be entertaining for the spectators but not actually permanently damage you. But the point is, you can’t fly, if you aren’t willing to fall. Now staying here, on the ground, in the snow with everyone else is fine. If that is what you are made for. But there are some of us who have wings burned into us. They keep cutting them off, but somehow the wings keep coming back. So is everyone ready?
What is flying really? Well flight, with all the physics removed is being where only imagination can put you, one part of you in reality (the air) and the other part of you in desire, in wish, in imagination, in whatever and where ever you want to be, if you are willing to pay. Because what you dream, you can do. Or you can fall a bunch of times trying. I said I would rather try for the impossible and fall down for the last time further than anyone thought possible than not try at all. That is how I lived, that is how I will die (a bit of slave to fashion, I went to the doctor’s yesterday in my tank top with bats on it, and slim leg jeans – I was smoking hot – if you got to be freezing, since it snowed, then you might as well look hot, right?) and that (trying!) is how I will be spending the next little while (because here is the secret, I’m not dead yet, and I’m not dying! Well, yes my body and brain may be a little on the blink but like a TV if you just jiggle the antenna…….um, never mind). Point be that, yes, I have been down, down, emotionally crushed. And it has been a long winter, hasn’t it? It has for me, so I for one am OUT OF HERE. Let’s go ahead; you know ‘dreams’, ‘planning’, ‘intention’, ‘wild whimsy’? Let’s GO!
Okay, now was that so hard? Well actually it is, because we spend so much time stuck in there here and now with the government and the council and the other people bombarding us with things to keep us focused only on the problems: They convince us only on what can’t be done, only on barely keeping up that we are so scared that if we lift our foot off the ground, we will be lost. So you got small wings, don’t worry...they grow with time, the point is to lift off, right? For you to leave, at least for the 5-15 minutes you are here, that crap behind, because spring is coming. Spring is coming to thaw winter and I have to tell you she is a bit of a babe.
Now, first things first, I should say that I don’t just go off on lots of opium in case you are wondering in some sort of Kubla Kahn dream. No, I am working toward an actual reality and to do that I took care of myself, I had hard days, like yesterday but I got my sleep, my REST, I watched anime and ate good wholesome things, like…um…cookies.
The first thing is that people forget, they forget what CAN be. I don’t know why, because I forget everything every 48 hours and yet, I still can see what can’t be seen, and yet others don’t. They can only see hot chocolate and apple cider (not that I don’t like that) but can you see and remember THIS:
Yeah, now we are in the mood. Spring comes in bouncing and flouncing around. There are flowers peeping up where I live and I guess it won’t be long before the whole area is shouting, “Look at me, I’m alive!” And I said, “You do this EVERY year, do you have to make such a big deal about it!” But then, a truly wonderful thing happens, and I think we all know what I am talking about. Yes, the winter coats disappear and finally crop tops and all sorts of curves and cleavage appear!Err, I must have meant to say something about gardens but got lost in the Sun (whew, now I am hot looking at that picture!) Flowers.

Anyway, I have decided, as I tend to do, that I will have a bikini this year. Linda says, “But you have a great one piece!” And then after looking at my wasted form went, “But you have the figure needed for one!” I am not sure that was overwhelming support but if it works for anime girls it will work for ME. The problem is I need someone to bring me one of the super support ones from Japan so it LOOKS like I have DD or E cups when I have something slightly further towards the front of the alphabet.

The other thing I am learning besides the fact after careful watching of MANY anime shows, that a girl in a bikini can a) get away with just about anything, b) drag off all the girls to ‘talk’ and make the guys all frustrated and c) have more fun, LOTS more fun. The Bikini girls are always having fun, and I think the more accessories you have the more fun you get (I am not sure of the formula, but I am willing to keep trying!).

And then AFTER you have all the fun, I get to have the NAP with the other bikini girls, which I want to point out is MEDICINAL. I am not sure why it is illegal in six states, but then two of those have dances were 10 year olds promise their sexuality to their father in a wedding veil (Chastity Dances) so I am not sure they have a lot of FUN in those states.

Oh, and if you have a catgirl with you, try to make sure you are on the other side of the bed, as cat girls have some unusual habits, like purring in sleep, and stretching a lot and tail twitching in their sleep. Also when they want to wake you up they sit on your face, which can be nice for the first second or two.

You may have realized that you have been sucked into a blog about nothing at all, just a bit of whimsy and pictures to brighten what seems to be a hard week for a lot of people. And you are right. And a little bit wrong. Because I will fly, I will go to Sakura-con, I have put things on ebay and sold them, I am taking action and deliberate inaction (they call it ‘resting’?) because who knows what is possible until you try. And who knows what to try unless you dream. I am tired of dying, and I think I haven’t been doing enough dreaming about what can BE recently.

See, if you know that something can BE, like for instance you WILL get a shot of me in a bikini because I WILL buy one. Then I will work toward that, and while I work hard toward that strange men will send me very wrinkled dollars in the mail with the message scrawled: ‘get bikini, many pictures!’ – So I guess another bikini wax too - oh FUN! In similar news (similar how exactly?), I did get again this week another offer for sex, written in email, not not cyber sex but like, "come to me and have sex, or let me come to you!". When the one from Africa asked me, “Why you be lesbian, why not fly here to have sex with me?” I was sort of not sure what to do (since they person was pretty sure I wouldn't be a lesbian after sex with them). However, when the email came this week from a woman saying she had read my blog and that I looked to be the good, GOD-FEARING and upright husband for her, I was a little confused and said to Linda, “I REALLY have to put more pictures of myself on the blog.”

So sort of a message. I am getting out of the apartment this weekend, I am hanging out (next to the daffodils which are just coming up), and maybe going by the sea side to take a look at the seagulls and the crazy people surfing, and flying kites. I am going to think more about what I CAN do, than what I am leaving or losing, because that is a bore (an painful bore called grief, but still I want a vacation from grief).

And I suggest you do the same, I know that where I am, I have flowers and you have four feet of snow. But you can’t find a flower to smell and think of what it will be like, and what you want to do, and how the taste of fresh strawberries and farmer’s market peas will be like? Give it a try?
Because like me, spring is coming, flowers and all, and I know that winter is still pressing down on us, but for the last couple minutes, you flew. Yes, you thought of bikinis and watermelon and spring and if that is possible, and if I am going to get a bikini and go to Sakura-con (Maybe not at the same time!) what isn't? So those are MY dreams, my ‘possible’ where are YOURS?

Catgirls, comfort food, books and other good things

I am sick.

That’s a reality which I have never really faced totally until now. I always knew I was unable to walk or losing function or going to die….someday, or someday…..soon. But not today. And so I never dealt WITH today. I am sick today. I am sick tomorrow. I will ALWAYS be sick.

Right now, I am damaged both physically and mentally. I hope that if I allow myself to take care of myself and allow others to help, both of those might be better. And that is a good thing! I have a hard time asking for help because it seems to me that people’s generosity already far exceeds my worth. But if you know how to help me, or want to help me, mentally, physically, I dunno, telepathically! I am asking for help, for me. Because I don’t want to be broken anymore.

This is what makes me happy. It hurt to write and do them, yes, but soon I won’t be able to remember that. And to have this picture, to be able to see these postcards going out to where they CAN make a difference: where they can help. That matters.

I expressed some of my feelings yesterday. I, in no way wanted anyone to feel guilty, what I expressed was the mental issues faced by a single person, Elizabeth, who has growing mental/brain problems, including emotional lability and loss of memory. She is in pain, she sometimes takes things personally that are not personal. And every weekend, even if five people told her Monday and Tuesday how much they liked her postcards, she or rather I, would not remember what postcard they are talking about. And three days later by Thursday/Friday, I would not know that there had been ANY positive feedback. And yet, I go on. Because it is a GOOD IDEA. Postcards rock!

So, right now, my entire plan of recovery is a) try and not push myself more than 110-140% instead of the 200-225% I normally do each day. And b) to try and FIND good things, remember good things. In fact, what I think about to sleep are my kitten. I don’t HAVE a kitten. But I pretend I do.

Okay, here is something I got from Veralidaine which I actually told her, “Hey, as my cousin, if I don’t get this, I will writhe in the agony from not having it!” until she emailed that she got it for me. It is a Rubber Stamp from Stamp Oasis of the Amazon Woman! We tried it in all colors and Green is best so far. It rocks. Normally I don’t say, “Hey, I got this from this person because every gift and everything that people do for me is special.” But since I basically exploited her for it, I wanted her to at least get credit for my emotional family blackmail (welcome to the family Veralidaine!). I love my wild Amazon woman with wild hair, and her bow.

The first thing to do in trying to get better, according to the EFM plan, is to try and escape your PRESENT life. Because if you are like me, I am so over committed that can I even admit openly, “Sorry, I am sick, I can’t do that appointment?” No. So I am running away. Okay, since it snowed again, I can’t wheel away so I am mentally running away – it is the thought that counts!

First off, I would like to spend some time with my books and my bed. This didn’t happen today, but I hope it will. I want to just have a day where I get up, brush my hair (who wants bed hair, really?), and then grab the hospital tray, fill it with manga (the pictures are nice to look at!) and head back to bed. Of course, that is usually when home care tries to come and get you out of bed or decided to wash your cutlery by dropping it from five feet if the sound is right (how CAN they wash stuff so loudly?).

I have always had a love for books and I used to walk and read at the same time. I used to bicycle and read at the same time. For some reason, when walking I would always stop about 2 inches from a pole, then see it, go around and continue reading. People would come up to me and say, “I saw you reading and walking….and you are still alive!” like it was the most amazing thing in the world. I don’t go anywhere without a book. And this picture right here is what I looked like from grade 5 to finishing my doctorate. This image is from a great shitajiki board that I plan to have framed because it is so me, overflowing with books. I got this from David, who sells Shitajiki (pencil boards – laminated art basically to put between stationary sheets) from $6 to $25-$40. What he sells goes to fund the Japan Cat Network, which can be helped here. David let me know that this board was available as it is a rare board, and he thought it suited my personality (am I that transparent? YES!). As an aside, if you have a bottle of Revolution, the cat medicine, can you please ship it to me, at

Elizabeth McClung
P.O. Box 2560
Port Angeles, WA
98362

This is the current number one need for David (costs more than cat food for him) and I will pay for shipping of any bottles airmail, or registered to him. He cannot get it in Japan and his kittens need it. He built an extension on his house so now he houses 75 cats in his home until he finds homes for them. I think he has seven kittens right now. I like kittens. He writes me emails and one of his kittens imitates him and hits his keyboard so there are random letters. I don't mind at all. That is what I think about when I go to sleep to stop having nightmares.

I like cats, I think a lot of people do. If I see a cat, I want to pet it. Sadly, having a device with many wheels in which tails might be run over make cats run FAR away from me. And they don’t respond to peanuts! So I rarely if ever get to pet a cat, much less a kitten. If I had it to do over again, I would definitely pet a lot more kittens and spend more time in pet stores (whenever I ever passed one, I would go in and look at the kittens and trying to convince whomever I was with to get one!).

Now, before we move on to more cats (and catgirls!), I have a tendency as does Linda to read a book until it is very late at night. And I certainly don’t regret it at the time as the writing is very good and MUST be read, but somehow hours pass and then people expect me to get up the next morning – what is that all about? Hey, I was doing important reading! Actually I was doing that reading that gives me a hum inside, a sort of connection to myself, to part of myself I didn’t know, a vibration of pleasure as each word and image erupts in my brain – when the writing is very good.

Okay, on to things like catgirls, because what would be better than finding yourself on a desert island than with catgirls? These catgirls who can seem to find an abundance of very nice ripe fruit for you. This seems very pleasant indeed. Except of course then there is the world with the cute fox girls too! Oh to choose, that would be very hard. I love this picture, and I love these two fox girls. They seem so genuinely happy….and they have bushy tails! Yes, I really am that simple.

Of course, I also love this picture called three sister, with two cats and a cat girl. This is sort of taking ‘talk to the animals’ to the next level – be one with the animals. Who wouldn't want to be a cat; sleep a lot and own a human that does what you want and feeds you when you want.

But being one with animals, I would love to do that: to have animals come to me. In my local area while I wheel around I have seen squirrels, raccoons, two owls, one in flight right above me, otters, seals, baby seals, and a bald eagle. Which isn’t bad for a 1 mile radius URBAN area, I also see deer when I go to get my wheelchair refitted. This is one of the reasons I came back to Canada, I missed the animals. Unfortunately, they don’t leap on me as in this picture as after seeing the weight of some raccoons around here (the urban ones can be seriously large!) I think they might tip me over backwards in my chair. I have never seen a fox or cougar, though cougars have come into town only two blocks from me – I just never SAW them. I mean I have seen them in a cage but these are wild cougars, and I think that would be pretty cool. I also like how here they tranquilize them and then ship them up island. They don’t kill them or anything because hey, they were here first, it IS their island after all, we just built a city in the middle of one of their paths. So why should they be punished? Yes, surrounded by cougars would be fun, if I had on my “Please don’t eat me” spray that day!

Okay, another thing you can do to try and be less insane and more happy is called ‘retail therapy.’ If you have never HEARD of this, then please, allow me to instruct you, just remember to bring your credit card. Linda and a few others say I have the ability to make them wear things they might WANT to wear but wouldn’t. As for me, I am just, “Hey you look great in that! Why would you NOT get it, as $25 for looking great, and feeling great great for the next year.....BARGIN!” As for me, I tend to try and NOT spend as when I feel I am out of control I buy things to feel in control. But I haven’t bought anything in the last day or two, and considering how not so healthy in the head and out of control I am, that is VERY good. So I will try and find something for $5 on Amazon to be shipped to me and buy that as a reward, maybe a manga, then I can combine books AND shopping retail therapy? I am curious, am I the only one who does this. I know, I also do the ‘cleaning’ thing when things are out of control but when you want to get better, how do you do it. For me, if I am supposed to try and GET better and try and BE better, then I should really try and do things which respect me. I have my two pairs of jeans, but a book, something to do which is NOT work. Or some hand lotion so I stop accidentally ripping my very thin skin. I don’t know. It seems if I CARE about my body, then maybe I will care about me. And accept that I am SICK and need caring.

There is of course, comfort food! And who hasn’t a favorite dessert or recipe that is favorite comfort food. One of the things I am sad and frustrated about is spending an afternoon making Lasagna from scratch including the red wine & meat sauce (actually port works great if you have some left over after Xmas! Expensive but GREAT). Then laying out the layers, and the cheese. Yum, who can not love hand made lasagna? But of course, I would end up passed out and in the hospital if I tried to do that now, if I was lucky. So that is stolen from me. I still have things I can eat – I like Fiddle Faddle, a candied popcorn to munch on while watching a TV or anime show. I just need to first watch a TV or anime show.

Of course, I know that a lot of my readers are able bodied and also dog lovers, and knitters and crafters, and actors, and do all sorts of things so do for you, what you need to in order to feel that glow inside. For me, it was a run along the waterfront, a 10K course I had plotted out along the cliffs on a sunny day. I remember running in a running top with short sleeves and people looking at me like I was nuts (I used to have high circulation before my disease so I warmed up quickly as I didn’t have body fat). So go and play with your dog/s (but wear trainers/running shoes for goodness sakes! Girly fashion taken too far!), finish that knitting project, and whatever you need to get rid of the blues and show that you care about yourself, and life. Because that is what I am trying to do.

Finally, FANTASY. I was going to talk about the M word – masterbati… But I decided to just say FANTASY instead. Isn’t that a nicer word? Well, lets say that Linda reads HER romances (and thank you for those who bought them for her, she has devoured them over the holiday and is on her last one so I will have to post some new ones tomorrow!) and I read mine. Mine involve girls like this in my bathroom in the morning. Oh yes! You want to use the toothbrush…help yourself, I think I am going to have it bronzed after you leave anyway. Oh my, while I would throw her out of bed for eating crackers (hey, those crumbs hurt!), I would throw myself AFTER HER. In a FANTASY way of course.

I’m trying to let you know that no, I’m not better and I am learning that physically and mentally I will never BE better. I will be sick and sicker. I do need people around me all the time because I do repeat conversation, I do get lost in my apartment, I do get ‘confused.’ And yet, even though I have no idea what day it is, I can write this blog. I AM trying to stop being in a head space where dying sounds good, and I am trying to find a way to deal with this physical pain until I can get better meds. And I am trying: I am admitting that I NEED help. That yes, I will ALWAYS put anyone else first. But maybe, I need to accept that I don’t have that luxury anymore, or that some or many of the people want me to be there for them, yes, but only as I am safely able to do so. And that they would rather see me as mentally stable and physically healthy as I can be (in order to enact my new crazy plan) than to exhaust myself to the point where I go, to use a Welch saying, “Away with the fairies!” ("the elevator doesn't go to the top floor.", "doolalee", "Tup", "There are splinters in the windmill of my mind")

Thank you for your concern. Thank you. I have a particularly taxing medical test tomorrow which will leave me drained and nauseous all day but I will be trying to take care of myself and even (GASP) letting others take care of me. I might even try this radical plan until Linda and/or Cheryl declares that I am sort of sane. Thanks for being with me, on the downs. And so here I am, trying to find a way up.

Helping the hurt, and the magic number: 81

From Friday at 2:00 pm until Sunday at 3:00 when Cheryl had to leave for the ferry, I had 49 hours to deal with an onslaught of emails regarding postcards. Thank you those who have passed on names and those who are still putting up notices on message boards, I still welcome more names for the Postcard Project.

In the end, with all the new names coming in (58 in one 24 hours period), and with the people from our previous list I wanted to do as well, we did 81 postcards; each person had their likes and other details noted, the 'just right' postcard matched (until 5:00 a.m. and after on Friday night/Saturday morning, continued on Saturday upon getting up), then rubber stamped, left to dry and stickered. Then a return address label applied, an address label created and stamps placed. The Postcard Project currently sends to six continents and one subcontinent, and everyone who has donated a postcard, a stamp, a sticker, $5 or an address is part of that. I, with the help of Cheryl and Linda pick each postcard. I write each postcard. I go to bed last. Because these people trusted me. I will NOT let them down. On Saturday/Sunday morning I went to sleep after 7:00 am when the last 15 postcards were just a matter of grit your teeth and force the shoulder to move, the ribs to breathe. I had to take three times my painkiller and two times my sedative to sleep and then I was up again. Not one person was left behind.

This time of year is difficult for many people, we can feel a bit like this, alone in a town, where everyone else has homes or friends or family and we are just, out there, alone. This picture reminds me of Cardiff because it took about six months, as I moved in late fall, and it was cloudy and rainy, then rainy and cloudy, then snowing and finally one day….the sun shone! And I thought, “Wow, this place actually looks decent!” And then the clouds came in and everything looked grey and slate again. So I know it can be hard for people, the combo of weather and everyone busy with family and friends, but me (and others).

Now, of the people who sent emails for postcards, there was a significant percentage who felt this was a total scam, and acted like royal jerks. Some deliberately insulted, some refused to give any name to address the postcard, some refused to give any details, some were abusive: I was a scam artist, I was a twist on the 14 million dollars to give you from Africa (if only you give me your bank details and name and address), or I was going to sell them Viagra. Not ONE of these was left behind, these were the people who I stayed up until 7:00 am, who I groaned in pain over. Why? Because these were the people more than any that needed to believe. No, not in Santa Claus, but in the idea that people could act for other reasons than to hurt, to exploit, to swindle, to deceive. I am fragile now physically, and will take a few days to recover. But when the ferry left, not one was left behind, in fact I asked Cheryl and she agreed to take them to the post office to be picked up for sorting tonight, so they can get to these people this week. Many people were lovely. But some, yes not so nice, and I could have been offended, but instead I realized that they had been hurt so often, they didn’t know how to care or even risk letting someone care about them. Now THOSE are the people who need me. And of the others, the ones who gave only addresses or one liners, which of them would be the ones who sat at home getting no post, no messages. I didn’t know, but if there was a way to make sure they didn’t feel the world had forgotten them, I was going to get it there (with the help of Linda and Cheryl!).

It is, I have found, quite hard to help. A friend of mine tried to put on a dinner for the homeless a few weeks ago but found that not a SINGLE church would let them use any areas. The friend said it was different than last year, like the patience or the caring had run out. She pressed on and found a place. But I know from myself, and from times when I have wanted to help how hard it is sometimes to get into it. There are many organizations created to help, or to assist ‘certain people’ in ‘certain ways.’ But after creation and bylaws and rules and people deciding who is the "right" certain people, groups aren’t always there to help EVERY person, and it can be hard to break through with, “But I just want to make this situation better!” I have been rejected by two crisis hotlines because they didn’t take anyone with mood disorders. Rejected by Big Sisters’ for orientation. Rejected by a church on assisting at Pride because my beliefs were not “Christian enough.” Which is why I babysat for female asylum seekers going in for free legal consults and visited people I knew from a friend or a friend of a friend in hospital.

I got an email today which told me that a group that I joined as a disabled person had without my consent withheld my membership for over six months and now I was being given notice to decide if I ‘really’ wanted to be a member. The person who made that decision was AB. I paid money, but it had been kept (unknown by me) and now, the AB section wanted to know if I was REALLY ready to make that commitment. It was a membership which would have automatically entitled me to two other memberships, and grants and assisted funding I was told. And this was kept from me…..because I was being ‘helped’ by having a ‘trial’ period without knowing it. So I can easily understand how hard it can be to fight through for my friend to give food to someone homeless.

I did not want a single one of those 81 people (a new record which will NOT be broken, since I am currently a bit broken and can’t speak correctly; I had a TIA and kept on anyway) to have to be told or decided, ‘not enough for you.’ I fought for them, as I could. And I got more names already to work on. Please remember this week that there are students who are heading home for the ‘holidays’ which might be great and might not, and there might be students for whom, there is no where to go. In the UK, as a grad student, I squatted in an unheated flat and then once a week I splurged on a dive of a Bed and Breakfast which offered a shower. When first homeless as I tried to find a place so Linda could come over, I went to the YWCA and the City council. I was told that I needed to register and after six months of being homeless, I could be helped with a room. No joke. I didn’t “qualify” for homeless yet. Haha. I have spent a night on the streets of Toronto at temp of –20. No joke. Not too safe.

Okay, on to lighter topics, which is cat girls! The other day some people wanted to know what I thought they might look like as a Cat Girl, so here they are: They have the hand over the mouth to keep the lungs warm (always important) and the shawl for (what are shawls for, I just use hoodies, but maybe the shawl is a fashion statement too!)….keeping warm. And the cleaning uniform because they are a doer; just because you have a disability doesn’t change who you are, sometimes it highlights it. And they are a doer, a lot of people with disabilities are. From getting degrees to putting out books to doing crafts and knitting or making sure I have all my toes due to socks, there are a LOT of doers!

And here is my welcome to winter and probably a UK or Euro Catgirl, who is off to find some mulled wine (or Glowwine! - warm wine sold at train stations, or Xmas festivals - yum!). She has on her scarf (I got mine in Italy!), and is ready to meet the cold, except her thighs which seem cold proof! Still, go British Cat-girl, who I hope is Irish or Welsh since I love the accent and has a name like Gwendolyn. And of course, THIS is what I want to come home to; my very own Linda in a frisky mood (too much Glow-wine!) with our own cats. Except for the minor realities of a owner who won’t allow cats (Booo!) and me in a hospital bed, I’m keeping the dream alive. She makes a very nice cat girl with her ears and her...um....assets!

I wanted to just say again about David and his work to help the cats of Kyoto. He estimates that “I'm sure with our work this year we have prevented births of 1000s of kittens who would have been homeless” not only through adoption but his catch, neuter and release program. I am sure that without David there would be many more kittens who died, without protection, without food or simply dumped. He has a page which lists ways to help, from a donation (you can even sponsor a specific cat), to helping translate (English to Japanese or back), to buying a T-shirt, sending cat toys, or cat food.

I mention the cat site because it is easy to say, “let’s save all the homeless first” and as a person who was homeless three times in my life, I sure wished someone had saved me! But that is a complicated issue, and while we work on that, there is no reason not to love cats. I do, and David does, out of his own house and pocket, and time is how he loves them. Maybe I should be giving food instead of postcards but postcards are what I know so that is what I give. David learned about the Postcard Project and has already donated postcards and is, beyond his OWN Japan Cat Project, collecting postcards for the Postcard Project too. So can I ask that if you chose to donate, whether it be a cat toy, or to buy a t-shirt, can you let him know that Elizabeth from the Postcard Project told you about him (as he has a hard time tracking all the people). I ask this because I said how much a difference my readers have made on me. And I want him to remember you too. He and I have been emailing so I think if you mention me, he will remember. And maybe you and he can email? I don’t know, but I want him to know that you are the type of person who makes a difference in people’s lives (at the very least mine and his).

I have to go now, and try to rest. But this is me again as a cat girl (the non-neurotic kind), the kind who loves cherry blossoms and the night sky and who sometimes learns a bit to act and not react. This weekend I learned that caring about people who are abusive, is like caring about a cat who has been abused, and abandoned. These cats, they claw at you because they are too scared from experience to let you hug them. You just have to care and give them the chance to heal at their own pace.