And for some reason she's seen damn near every episode of "Lost."
This week, our ongoing "discussion" comes to an end, and as one of several texts mom sent me during the finale declared it simply "dumb ending" (another said "I think it's Atlantis"), I bet you can guess what she thought. Though in a way, mother was strangely vindicated with the whole parallel reality thing.
Thanks one last time to this site for the screencaps.
Let's begin.
ON "WHAT THEY DIED FOR"
"I don't know what to think about 'Lost.' They're just going to kill everyone off until they solve their story. That's not a very good ending. 'Let's kill everyone off so Jack can guard the light!' Whatever that is. And I told you there is no such thing as a parallel universe! That's the problem with it. This is just someone's dream or nightmare. I don't know what. The whole thing is a nightmare!
"There was nothing really shocking this week except those idiots going into the closet. That was stupid! I thought there was a tunnel in there they were getting to. And Ben is just goes 'I've been waiting for you...blah blah blah...they're in my closet.' He's like a zombie."
[Me: "Well, he's been through a lot."]
"[Laughs] You're making excuses! He has no motivation. He's just a follower. A zombie. He's devoid of emotion."
[Me: "What about in the parallel reality where the French woman told him he was the only father Alex ever had and then he teared up? What was that?"]
"That was a weirdo-ism. It wouldn't be anything if you didn't know about the island, so that was nothing-ness. There's no connection. That's just to throw you off course. This reality has nothing to do with the island. They're not really trying to tell a story. What they're really trying to sell a TV show and keep everyone hooked. If there was a real ending, they'd have lost their audience long ago.
[Me: "That's unfair. If they were just out for money, they'd have run it over eight years right into the ground."]
"No. I think when they decided to only do so many seasons, they said, 'Let's make it as twisted as possible so that we can throw everybody off.'"
"With Jack, it was like Indiana Jones. You drink out of the goblet and you're all-knowing. And what happened to those temple people? They all got scattered! That's another weird thing. Maybe they killed them all off, though. But where'd Locke's people go. He must've smoked 'em. He smoked 'em!"
"I don't think anyone's going to live happily ever after. Here's my thing: they kill the Smoke Monster, and then they fix up the yellow houses. Then they have to get rid of Ben.
"And with Kate, they might as well kill her off so she can rest in peace. Maybe on Hurley will have a happy ending. And you think Sawyer and Juliet will meet in the parallel reality? That would be stupid!"
[Me: "What if they get to the end and Desmond gets them all together and goes, 'You've got to realize that none of this is real'? Would that make you happy?"]
"NO."
ON "THE END"
"Well, they were in Purgatory all along! Purgatory is limbo where you wait to get to heaven, and that's where they were. They didn't even know enough to wait."
"And I told you Jack didn't have a son! That was a stupid ending. And what was with that woman who was what's his name's mother? She knew where Desmond was going. Desmond was like that one character in...what's the movie about the angel in the body of the football player?"
[Me: "Warren Beatty. 'Heaven Can Wait.'"]
"Right! Desmond was like in 'Heaven Can Wait.' She wants to know if he'll take the son with him, and he says, 'Not tonight.' Do you think Ben knew they were in Purgatory? I don't think he knew. None of them were in the church. I think he's still living somewhere.
"They did have some snappy dialogue in there. There were like three lines that were unbelievably dumb. 'I've got a bad feeling about this.'"
"It was kind of predictable in a way. Even I predicted that Hurley was the all-knowing one. But Ben must have still been alive because he didn't go in. I think they all died and waited for Jack, and he died last. They just didn't age in heaven."
[Me: "I don't think so. I think the people on the plane made it out, and over the years the moment they each died was the moment before they woke up on that plane that landed."]
"I don't think so. In fact, I don't even know what you just said. Well, whatever. It was like a big love story at the end. All the couples got back together, which was weird too. They reached far for an ending. The whole thing was far-fetched! The good stories are about emotion."
[Me: "This story was brimming with emotion!"]
"That's what kept it from being dullsville."
[Me: "But that's the one thing you liked. And the fans online have been saying 'We want to know about Walt! We want answers!' But the creators said, 'People don't care about all that. They care about the characters.' So in the end, you were the winner, not the nerds."]
"Oh yeah, I feel like I'm a winner." [Sarcasm watch!]
"They dragged it out. It could have been two hours. And the worst commercial was the one for Target with the smoke detector. Did you see that? That was stupid."
"I feel disappointed. It was anti-climactic I guess I would say. When they were in that church, they should have had a ceremony or whatever. They should have walked through that door and came out on The Island in its restored splendor. That church should have been on The Island, and Hugo had built it. That's what was wrong with that. They should have said, 'Come on, Jack' and gone out the door to the little yellow houses where the water always runs. [Laughs]"
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